Because Narrow is the Gate and Difficult Is The Way Which Leads to Life, and There Are Few Who Find It!--Matt. 7:14
MATTHEW 10:32-38
- Therefore whoever confesses Me before men, him I will also confess before My Father who is in heaven.
- But whoever denies Me before men, him I will also deny before My Father who is in heaven.
- Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth, I did not come to bring peace but a sword.
- For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law;
- And 'a man's enemies will be those of his own household.'
- He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me, And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me.
- And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of ME.
Dream of Comfort
When I first came to Montana, I didn't see a cop for the first two and a half months, and I was going back and forth, living in my truck, Getting Lost in Montana, practicing law in Utah, trying to finish my career as an attorney there, without, being arrested, jailed, or killed, but, owing my clients, who all eventually either lied, for the enemy, or died, so I can't say as if I blame them, but trying to finish my cases, without getting, ineffective assistance of counsel, even though, I no longer wanted to practice in Utah, seeing Montana, as the last best place, in more ways than one . . . until all hell broke out in Montana, as the Utah cops hooked up with the Mormon cops, inside the police departments, claiming to work, both for the police and sheriff's departments, and also for a police or sheriff's department, or the Mo mafia . . . scripture . . . not only a battle over politics, in the 2012 election cycle, but, also, over the souls of man, family wanting the Mormon Church to save all the world, and me knowing . . . if you believe in a prophet, you get a prophets reward, and Joseph Smith could not save my fucking pinkie finger! There is only one name, under Heaven, that will bring all people to their knees, confessing the name of JESUS CHRIST, to be saved!
So this has been a literal WAR, beyond politics, and with the majority of men and women in federal law enforcement agencies, being Mormon, and possibly here in Montana, and for sure in Utah, same with Nevada, Idaho, Arizona, Colorado, and even in Washington and California, or being sympathetic or Republican, this dream has been a long time in coming! The dream appeared to be divided, most logically, in four parts, as sequence dreams to, or that is the way, I had to look at it, to get a plausible read on the meaning:
PART #1
An Apparent Invitation to Live in a Co-ed House On a Hill
Generally with dream interpretation, you can look at your living arrangements, or your surroundings, and they can influence, your dreams, plus things, that may be triggered by some sign or statement, like the sign I saw on the bus, View the Big Picture. So, in this first part of the dream, there was this old home, and some guy, offered or invited me to come, check it out and see what I thought, about living there, or I had committed, to the living arrangements, because, I went into the kitchen, and it was a mess with tons of dishes, and I had to do a chore, like I have to at the Montana Rescue Mission . . . and I was, looking at the mess, and wondering how I could get everything done, so that people in the house, could make dinner, or get something to eat, with such a mess. Being a bit, overwhelmed, I wandered into the living room where there were many people, mostly, young, professionals, male and female, and everyone, was watching a movie and just chilling out, much like last night at the Mission, but only with women, and we have a great crew of fun staff and fun people, women, with a good chemistry going, and we watched movies and ate popcorn and it was cozy, close and warm, with a cute movie about an angel, coming down a protecting a family, with a company, but with the father dying of a heart attack, and an evil villain, the competition, with the dead father, sending Clarence, and angel wanting his wings, down to help the family, and to stop the wife from committing suicide. Kind of a play, on a modern day version of, It's a Wonderful Life.
So, it struck me as a congenial group, of 25 to 40 year old professionals, relaxing and wanting me to join them, but, I was worried, that my chore was not done, and needed to be done, before I could relax, but, none of them seemed worried. And they encouraged me to join them, but I felt, I needed to do something to at least, get the ball going on my job or chore before I could relax.
PART #2
Gray Tub, Of Clean, Hot, Soapy Water For Dishes--Floor of Kitchen
I know the font type is larger than the rest, but, this very simple and tiny action by me, seemed to be the impetus, to cause the group to relax or be a key element, in the interpretation. Okay, so I leave the room with the very cool, calm and collected crowd, laying all over the couches, chairs and floor, crossed legs and hanging out, watching some movie, and leave to go in the kitchen, to get the dishes and the new contributions to the mess, at least, in some organized fashion. So, I go in the kitchen, and get a gray plastic tub, like they use in restaurants or even at the Federal Building in Billings, to put your backpacks, purses or computers and electronic equipment through the scanners and surveillance machines, to make sure you don't have bomb, or something . . . that may be, a key symbolic sign also, of these young professionals being, on a federal level. I always, worried, that the R.E.D.S. or Retired and Extremely Dangerous crowd, that seemed re-hired or retained to do most of this to me, would be hard for new, say, FBI agents, or CIA agents, to track and catch, being, trained and practiced, in the art of espionage and sedition, spying, back in the day, when you didn't have computers and such to help, and they might be, or were far more experienced, and would be able to fool the younger generation of agents, assigned to apprehend them. Or, local cops, trying to take down the feds. There was always this truck, that, would show up at key times over the last four years, that said: Our Best Resource, is the Person Driving or Sitting in This Truck, those are not the word, but the sign to me, was, you lived it, we are trying to put together the pieces of this intricate web of lies and crimes, and we need your help, even to the point of, using me as live bait! Which I could fully understand, given the complexity and challenge of, not only who was involved, but the level of professionals involved, and younger, less experience, cops, even going after, their heroes and trainers.
I get this gray tub, many bus boys and girls will use to gather up dirty dishes . . . symbolic there too, catching the dirty professionals. I fill it with, nice hot sudsy water, and for some strange reason, maybe because it was so dirty, on the counters, in the sink, and everywhere, I put the gray tub, with the clean water, in the middle of the kitchen floor, and left it, so that people could, bring their dirty silverware or dishes and at least have somewhere to put the dishes, without putting them on the sink, to get the food crusty and stuck on the plates, silverware and glasses. Then, I left the kitchen, relaxed and happy, that the chill crowd in the living room, watching the movie, didn't expect me to get the whole kitchen done by the time I joined them for the movie. That, seemed nice.
PART #3
Kitchen and Dishes, Magically Got Done While I Was Enjoying the Movie! I Think This Section, Indicated, that While I May Have Laid the Ground Work, Cleaning Up This Big Ass Mess, Took A Whole Group of People!
This part of the dream, was bizarre, but, also, very telling and cool, in this next scene, with no transition, really between the movie and the next event, in the dream, me and all the professionals, were in the dirty kitchen . . . no, first, just, I walked in the kitchen, apparently after the movie, and to my surprise, the whole kitchen was spotlessly CLEAN . . . everything organized, all glasses, dishes and silverware, nicely setting in the dish drainer, floors, counters, stove, everything, nice and neat. Then, in the next part or the continuation of this part, I was on the ground, level, and there was like a carpet of people on the floor, like carpet, with all of us, the young professionals, all crowded in this small, kitchen space, with me, on the lower level, or on the bottom, with the guy who invited me to live in the house, sitting, actually, sitting on top of my body, laid out, full body, on the floor, but, the weight and burden, was no issue, and we all seemed to be happy and celebrating for a time, and I wondered, if that, small, gray tub, that could have symbolized, getting, at least a paper, saying, I had my Social Security Card, and it was in the mail, like I have, first being sent to Missoula, then me calling staff at the Poverello Center, to forward it on, after my Walmart Money Card was stolen, worried that someone on staff allowed Shelley, or anyone to come, take my replacement card, that Walmart, sends out every two years, then activating it, taking away my only, connection to my life, my, career, my kids, since, nobody seems willing to take a DNA sample from four living, breathing children, that put them directly as my children--especially Elliot, God's Revolver Band, nor, does any form of I.D. seem to satisfy the DMV, EVEN with the Social Security paper, BIRTH CERTIFICATE, proof of living at both the Poverello, which is generally enough, and proof of living at the MRM, now, seem to satisfy, nor does, the wet signature from the DOC, now, asking for even more burdensome pain in the ass paperwork . . . with that paper being issued, before, anyone knew I was going to get it, and me, zigg-zagging, under awnings and large buildings, to avoid being detected by aerial surveillance, alerting SS workers, I was coming and not to issue me a card, even with all the information, required! was that the clean, soapy hot water?
Or, I wondered, that the proof of the US Bank receipt, the NSA and feds, tried to block me from adding to yesterday's blog, after I was going to quit, after just the title, until, several men, at the Billings Clinic, who seemed, to be watching and planning something, as they had the week before . . . for every sting op, I write about, there are two or three, I don't write about, so, just understand, this is a relentless, action, being the aggressors, and anything, I do, or write about it, totally in self-defense, and a protective measure, because, for the longest time, my blog was the ONLY protection, I felt I had against this daily, sometimes up to four assaults and black ops in one day, with NOBODY helping me . . . worth a BILLION DOLLARS, I would think, worth the time of federal agents over financial crimes, but that was not the case for SO LONG! But, am sure, that, proof, of the fact, that, I am, in Billings, a fact, that seemed to be blocked and the reason, my Walmart Money Card was fucked with, and Shelley, was allowed to activate it, after staff either gave it to her, being my LAST ADDRESS, or, she hacked into the system, or just simply called and was allowed to send the card, other than where I was, fully sure, that the insider cop mafia, could kill me and get me before she was discovered, and the only reason, I discovered it, was because, God told me to, not only change me pin#, but, I fell pressed to keep trying, until I got a live voice, but that person, through their sarcasm, was noticeably, not a customers service person, but an FBI agents or someone with access!
I knew my spell check was off, and I knew the NSA was watching, when I typed the second part of the blog entry for yesterday, and it was touch and go, and, even then, it was blocked, and before, I left, Hardee's, there was a truck or a sign, or something, from Hardee's that, had the message, all it takes in one click . . . I hit the "publish", they seemed to block it, and the process was frozen, and I could not stop it, nor could they block it, and so I closed, the cover of my computer, and started to leave, and that message, to just do it once more, kicked, the checkmate, out of gear, in MY favor, and the blog with all the USBANK information, was PUBLISHED, and I was so exhilarated that I just had to write, FUCK YOU! LOL! I knew, I had won a major battle! LOL . . . even in the blog title today, all of the sudden, the cursor, slide to the end, which it never does, right in the middle of me trying to proof read it, for obvious errors, because you don't get spell check in the title, and you just get this little text box, to type, so you only see about 15 words, with my huge ass titles, and I general, just hope it makes sense, and have to go with it . . . like I said, if it were perfect, it would NOT BE ME! LOL! But, all of the sudden, a blank, new tab opened, after the last sign, to stop, hitting the end of the title, indicating to me, good, bad or ugly, LEAVE IT ALONE and FINISH, right here, right now, or they are going to erase it, as USUAL! So, I followed, God, my Intel, man's directions, and closed it out!
I almost forgot, the guy sitting on me, was unknown to me, but, while we all had our clothes on, there seemed to be something, sexual, about, the two of us, even though, I didn't know who he was . . . I know, that, when I have written a killer brief, or blog, or done an exceptionally good job on some legal thing, I get a buzz, much like, a low grade orgasm or at least, that, fun sexual feeling, indicating, some connection between me and the young guy, probably around 30 to 40 . . . funny, the other day, the cowboy, that was going to have me come drop calves, on his family ranch, and I believe, paid, not to, because the next day, he came in, wanting to take me to dinner, breakfast or lunch, moving from the, I just want to experience this activity, genuine Montana event, with me, even telling him, if I did this, I didn't want it to turn out, like the White Fish, house I was going to rent, with two of, come to think of it, 3 of the 4 guys, wanting to have sex with me, fat or not! NO DICE . . . three days to move out . . . what? I was shocked, but I told this guy about it, and he didn't seem to get it, that there was no personal interest, just work, and dinner, or company! LOL!
He tried to mentally feel me out to see what my intentions were, with sister, who wants to sell the ranch, balking at free help? or worried, that, this new female, was horning in on the family property, and inheritence and bro, might have an ally, and an attorney, to boot? But, when he tried to hang with me, and I basically, told him, that, I would be happy with a day, watching, no threat to sister, making it clear, that there was not attraction there, he came to the HUB, the next day, dressed in a new cowboy shirt, nice new hair cut, and he was on his way to North or South Dakota, to visit his new grand baby, now 6 days old . . . these fucker, have the money, to make wishes come true, and the larger the connection to me, the BIGGER THE DEAL! So much for, Mr. Round-Up, Montana, and calf dropping . . . van going by, Find the Hero In You! OK! It hurts to be beautiful, even when you are fat and 61! SHIT! This Marine cowboy, pulled out Skoals tobacco chew, and said, when he first met me, I have been chewing this stuff, longer than you are old, and I said, oh, yeah, I'm 61, and he looked at me in disbelief, and I said, how old are you, and he said, 52!!!! LOL! He told me he was shocked, and I said, I can get away with 40 years old, he agreed. Then, I said, if I was thin, laughing, I could get any guy, and he said, You can get any guy now! Gotta love these cowboys, no matter how big the job, or ass, they are game! LOL . . . that seemed to be the case with the young guy, and maybe the reason for me leaving the house?
Part #4
I Leave the House, or Commune and Go Back, Passing Along Dirt Roads, a House, with Two Young Boys, Out in the Yard, Playing with Chickens
Now, even from the first part of the dream, the living in the house, seemed, like more of an invitation, and less, like I was actually living there, except for the chore? But, in this final segment, I am leaving the house, and walking down the road, and I walk passed this hot, dusty, dirty road, like in southern Utah, red rock country, and this house was set back, and I couldn't see it, but there were two little boys, one a toddler, and the other, a young boy, and they were playing with chickens in the front yard, and I just walked on down the road, and the dream was over. I wondered, if that or the two boys, were, my sons, although, Elliot has red hair, and Chris, was very blonde, when he was young, but the baby was young enough, and without much hair, as El was when he was born?
But, I wondered, in some symbolic way, if, the dream was telling me, that, my sons, were so young, when all these crimes and stuff started, that, they could not be held responsible for being chicken, to tell the truth, fight the bad guys, or not to be fooled by, misleading lies and information about me, coming from aunts, uncles, grandparents, in-law, outlaws, and although, I was close, they were raised with their father, who must have had some type of anger, since, I merely had a dream to leave and get a divorce, and I had struggled with an emotional affair, never acting on it, and doing all in my power to fight it, never touched the guy, never kissed, never dreamed, after graduating from my undergrad, Zeke or Richard would get a job, after 8 years of trying to get out of Ogden, Utah, would end up putting me right in the Lion's Den, with Mike, either going to law school on one main road, in Provo, or living on the other, and my best friend, in his Mormon Ward, and the three-some of friends from the English program and majors, from Weber State University, scene of the attraction, all ending up in Provo, together again . . . so, I am sure there was anger on Zeke's part, and on the boys, with Elliot only 5 and Chris only 8 years old, there is room for any type of lies, to take root, along with the pain, even though, I was with them, all the time, up at Jerry's and I think, they had a more fun, childhood and teenage years, than had they, if me and their father would have stayed together . . . I was dying 6 years, before, I got a divorce. They were far too young to understand, and I knew there would be reprecusions, but, fucking stolen life, fuck NO!
Spell check is off, so the NSA or hackers are on . . . tells it all . . . I have no fear of the TRUTH, but they do! But, as early, as me graduating from, Weber State University, in 1986, when Elliot was only 3 and Chris was only, 6, Shelley seemed to have this fascination with me, and my life. I remember, after my divorce, her having, a copy of my journal, and when, I said, I had been, somewhat miserable, for sometime, before, my divorce, Shelley, said, no you were not, I read your journal . . . I don't even know where she got it from, and she, argued with me, that I was not miserable? I remember her having my high school, senior year book, and wondering why she had it, rather than her own? I remember, her having pictures of me in high school, on her shelf and none of her? Yesterday, when I saw that true crime episode, called, SINCE THE DAY YOU WERE BORN? wondering, if, seeing that my father, was a spy in the Office of Strategic Intelligence, Service, the precursor to the CIA, if, I had been, a super baby, as my CIA hit woman friend and foe, wondered, and about that same time, I met a woman from Great Falls and one in Butte, that said, they had been adopted, not my case, but, when they traced there roots back, they only found the U.S. Government . . . I was born on a Navy Base . . . or was Shelley, replaced, as the only child, by me, at the ripe old age of 13 months, jealous, since the day I was born, and replaced her? Who the fuck knows, but this has been one hell of a battle! Shelley worked with my father, since she was in JUNIOR HIGH, and when I asked him, who, he thought was the smartest kid in the family, sure he would say me, having accomplished much, in my short tenure as an attorney . . . he shocked me and said, Shelley? the welfare queen that had lived off mom and dad, since, her divorce, 7 years earlier, coming from Carson City, moving back in with mom and dad? having at least 3 of her 4 children out of wedlock and doing nothing of note, that I had seen?
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