Rape Nation--Why?
Just yesterday, there were several articles in the Missoulian Newspaper, locally, there were two rapes, that were reported, one of a young man getting raped by an older man, and another with a woman in an office, then statistics on rape in the military, with 26,000 sexual assaults, with 14% being men, suspicion is that is way low on the male reporting . . . so what the hell is up with this? I am going to take an educated guess, having written the domestic violence and sexual assault manual for cops and prosecutors in Utah, now on its 5 edition, last time I checked, with national honors, and now being adapted by the Department of Justice dealing with human body trafficking, so somewhat up on this issues, and we need to look deeper, than just sex.
America has more rights, women are advancing in what has been traditionally a male dominated domain, like the military, where many men object to their presence, use passive aggressive means to let women know who is boss still . . . a passive aggressive approach to women, might take the form, not in outright objections, or even in discrimination on the job, but in secret, while she is alone, walking, or even hanging out with the guys, or on a date, that anger may surface without the perpetrator even actually realizing he is pissed a women, and really in his mind, knows it is inappropriate behavior, but the aggression, force, power trip, and act, may express his subconscious emotions.
That is not an excuse, a justification, an escape from punishment, but I believe, especially in the military, that struggles with the good soldier allowance for this behavior, kind of shows the schizophrenic manner in which rape is dealt with. Superior, generals, bosses, and others, are mistakenly seeing rape as a sexual crime against a woman, the guy just liked her so much, or boys will be boys, mentality, wink, wink, its his word against hers, and he is such a good guy in every other way, so . . . we turn our heads to the real issue of power and control over a woman, a underclass man or someone vulnerable, either by size, age, position, physical strength . . . we can't fix it unless we understand it!
America, Home of the Brave--Giving Education, Rights, Even Sexual and Reproductive Rights Women Have Never Had, Still Don't In Other Countries Is a Challenge!
I was one of the few female attorneys in Southern Utah, and especially, one of the few to handle hard core murder, attempted murder, civil rights, taking on the good ol' boys club, even in a the law, which is still with 51% of the law school enrollment consisting of women, mind sets haven't changed much! I have been denied jobs, because I was willing to leave my children with my ex-husband, to take a clerkship in another state away from Utah; I have had law firms that have basically told me to go on down the road, women are not accepted in this bar association, Iron County, should have taken the warning; I have been disgusted at the male bar and judge cronyism, refusing to sit with butt patting boys, yucking it up with the judge; I have been forced to talk to my clients in booths for family visitors at the jail, rather than in the alleged confidential booths, saved for attorneys and their clients . . . and the male have tried to kill me for taking on the criminal justice system, cops, prosecutors, and judges!
Women Spoiling the Party--Men Have to Act Better
In essence, I was upsetting the apple cart, changing comfort systems, that never have had to consider even thinking about a women entering the field, with more credentials than all of them put together, so they are going to show this woman her place, proper place, as some man's property, some one's mother, grandmother, not a woman that kick the shit out of men in court, out of court, and take them to task on about any issue or field, with the honors, award, experience, someone the judge can't take in chambers and reprimand, telling her, see should consider something other than trial work, because she did a shitty job in court, just like all new male attorneys, who will get mentored and tutored, not a woman, but his one was just too pissy to leave, stop taking them down, so they knew they couldn't beat me in court, therefore, the resorted to character assassination and harm, physical harm, threats, intimidation, life compromising situations . . .
I can't imagine, what is going on out in Afghanistan or Iraq . . . where the women know their real places, as non-entities, under barque's, or black robes, uneducated, or down in Ethiopia, where they perform female circumsision, which they did to me, after I got 9 federal attorneys and investigators fired! Social controls and morals, religious indoctrination, controlling female reproduction, polygamy, you name it, everything to hold a women down, so rape is just the most invasive, brutal and violating act a man can do to a woman, or another man. The men even have it worse as far as getting help . . . one night in Salt Lake City, Utah, I thought I heard a rape of a male, at a church late one night, and called the police . . . told them I thought a man was getting raped across the street, they never came! The next night, there was a domestic violence call, and 10 cops cars pulled up and down the street, what the hell!
Don't Fight Rape Like A Girl--Be Unemotional--My Close Rape Experience
Luckily, the day before I almost got raped on a Sunday, waiting for church to start, up on the Logan, Utah, Mormon Temple grounds, while a 18 year old student at Utah State University, back in 1974, I had listened to a program on rape the day before, which gave me the tools, to understand what was happening to me, and I was able to get out of the situation, unhurt, without much trouble, using my brain to stay calm, until, I could fall apart, and tell a friend what had happened to me. Now I should have been smart enough to see the writing on the wall, long before the actual throw down, and attempt.
I was up at the temple grounds, being a good little Mormon girl, waiting for church to start, reading my Book of Mormon, shoes off, wearing a dress, and fell asleep, bright spring day, sometime in the afternoon, but full sunlight. Some guy comes and wakes me up, he was older, about 6'4" and seemed a bit strange, but I sat and listened to him, still a bit early for church. He told me he had fantasies about going to prison and building a building in the shape of a 7Up bottle, a bit weird, but I was leaving soon, so before that statement, which made me want to run and get the hell out, I had told this guy where I lived, where I worked, so not smart at all, very naive, so thank God and all the angels who should have been watching over me or did, I got up to leave and he started to walk with me! But I was raised to be nice . . .
Have You Ever Noticed the Bricks on the Temple?
No, so he says come here, I will show you something unique about them . . . what is the harm, so I walked, nylons and bare feet, holding my book and shoes in my arms across my top torso area, stomach and breasts, all of the sudden this huge guy, tackles me and throws me to the ground, I think I was too much in shock to even know what the hell was going on. Generally, I am one that is slow to react, until I access the situation. I was laying there with this guy crushing my then about 120 lb. frame, waiting for God to send angels down to beat the shit out of this guy with their wings . . . they didn't come, so my thoughts went to the radio program, that stated that rape is fantasized in the rapists mind, and he has a picture in his mind what it will be like, so I needed to break that fantasy of power and control over me . . . so I said, what are you doing?
He said, I am going to rape you . . . and I calmly said, no you aren't. He stopped breathing hotly on my face, doing whatever he was trying to do between my legs, and trying to force my dress up, and said, oh, I am sorry, and he pulled me up and started to brush off all the grass that was on my navy blue dress. He started to panic, and said, are you going to the cops, do you have finger prints on you? And seemed very distressed, and the power totally shifted from him to me, and I said, I am not going to the cops, just don't do this to any one else, it is not cool! I brush death all the time now, given my line of work trying to stop corruption and greed, so daily after some really great escapes, the threat somehow dissipates, and it doesn't dawn on me the seriousness of what I have just been through . . . that works in my favor, usually and I am easy to forgive, even rapists and attempted murderers.
Do You Want to Go Swimming With Me? NO! Will You Give Me A Ride to the Swimming Pool--Fuck, I Guess
Of all the stupid things, you try to rape me, and you really think I am going to go swimming with you? Get real! He said, well, I am afraid you will go to the police. No, I am not going to the cops, I am going to church, so get out of my car . . . I am running out of gas. He got out, and shortly after than, reality hit, this buy actually could have raped me! Oh, my god. I started to react like a normal girl would, skipped church and went directly over to a fraternity house, another rape central, and went to see a pre-med student I had been dating. Luckily he had more sense that I did, and told me that I am going right down to the cops, and see if you can identify this guy . . . Logan is the rape capital of the state!
But I told him I wouldn't go to the police . . . being the guy who was going into medicine, he must have known or thought like a doctor already, I think his father was a doc in California, and he grabbed me by the arm and took me straight to the police station. By this time I was a wreck, and crying, so it is good, that he had a clearer head than I did and did what needed to be done, try to prevent this guy from carrying out his fantasies on someone else! Smart guy. I went to the cops and looked through all their books with former offenders in it, but never saw anyone I thought looked like him. But he made me do what was right!
Don't Tell Strangers Your Contact Info, Your Schedule, Where You Live!
For about two weeks I was worried he would come to my house, if the cops questioned him and take second shot at me, or come to my work, or whatever. But, girls and guys, need to be very cautious; we are raised to be good little girl scouts and boy scouts, especially in religious communities, to trust everyone, treat people nice . . . better wise up, and realize there are bad people out there, and you can get yourself in a bad situation fast, and you might not be as lucky as I was. Thank God, I heard that radio program, this guy could have raped me and forced me into my car; I had my keys in my hand also . . . don't go to places people can't see you, even on a Mormon Temple ground, nobody would have heard or seen a thing . . . the temple is way up on a hill, with a gate, and it appeared that every one in the neighborhood was at CHURCH!
In other words, better to error on the side of safety, don't go places a rape could happen, even with people you know, like the young lady in Missoula, with a co-worker in an office or room in the building they worked in. I am one of the lucky ones . . . you may not be, so avoid the every appearance of a place, that you could put yourself in a situation you could get raped. My daughter, got drunk for the first time in her life, and had a guy come in the bedroom she was trying to sleep it off, at a party, and started to take advantage of her, she barely had enough strength to fight him off!
Most Acquaintance Rapes, Involve Alcohol! Have A Few, But Never Cross the Line, Making You Out of Control of a Situation
The quarterback of the Montana University Grizzlies, got accused of rape, when he was a bit drunk, and I am not sure, but I think the girl had been drinking too, and they started to get undressed a bit, and one thing led to another. After he left, she text to a friend and said, I think I just got raped . . . the guy was acquitted, and the prosecutor shouldn't have filed the charges, if the girl is not sure beyond a reasonable doubt, that she was raped, then why would a jury think she had been? Stay out of bedrooms, leave your clothes on, and don't drink and date, PERIOD!
Girls and guys are hard wired for sex, so protect against it. What I guys goal is, may be way passed your stopping point, there are times, that especially, when drunk, two mutually consenting college kids, just have different lines, so be clear with intents, what is okay and not okay, and be strong, if things get out of control, which they can, easily . . . if you leave your clothes on, things are a lot less likely to go south! If you know what I mean, so decide before a date or a party, what your lines are and stick with them, don't be so enamoured with some one's sport position, that you allow stuff you don't want--this little drunk date, cost the school fines, fees, humiliation, national attention, and now they are paying $2.1 million, to help get enrollment back up to the level it was at before this alleged rape . . . I wasn't there, I am looking at it as a defense attorney, a juror, or a prosecutor!
He said, she said cases are rough . . . so don't get stuck in one, on either side; this is not boys expect the girls to protect them or say when to stop, she is just as turned on as you are, so you have to protect yourself and make sure you don't cross her lines either, it is your body that penetrates her BODY, not the other way around; therefore, you are responsible for where that thing parks! You can park illegally, unwanted, and in violation of some one's boundaries, so have your wits about you . . . it is your future!
Crusty Old Waitress Knew How To Break Fantasy of Rapist
Before I went to college, I used to be a waitress at the old Hotel Utah, in Salt Lake City, Utah, now the Joseph Smith Memorial Building, amazing place, but I worked at the coffee shop and restaurant in the basement, and most of the gals working there were lifers, or had been waitresses forever. One day we were all siting around talking, and the subject, some how turned to rape. One woman, started to laugh, she had a guy climb through her apartment window just days before. The guy had a bag over his face and approached her in the bed. She rolled over and saw this masked intruder standing over her . . .
And she said, hey, take off your mask, and if you are good looking, we can both enjoy this! LOL! The guy turned and ran back out the window,not the nice little U of U coed he expected, but an old woman who could have given him the ride of his life. I loved it! Couldn't believe she was so brass and tough, loved sex and thought, his might not be such a bad thing! I wouldn't recommend this, but a fun story, and a good laugh was had by all. I always thought, taking that approach and telling the rapist that you would love to have sex with him and share your vaginal cancer with him!
We Are Here To Stay--So Deal With the Power Trip Over Us
Men need to do some soul searching, so evaluation of their feelings, their true thoughts, and if necessary get counselling, America is the dream, the new world, the experiment, giving full faith and credit of rights, opportunities, access to careers, the military, the professions and you better adapt, just tuck and roll with it. What is the old Marine saying, Adapt! We are the light of the world, woman and me can work together, go to war, just like in Israel, where both men and women serve in the military, we don't hear about their off the charts rape and sexual assault, they respect these women and work together.
Cronyism, the boys club, the no girls allowed signs on the old tree house and club don't work anymore, so . . . people are change resistant, they don't like it, but it is coming, has come and will come in other areas, so get a grip on your thoughts, emotions, and sexual desires, power and control issues, and it is about time to pay women equal for equal work, and maybe that would help! They are not your subordinates, your property, your punching bag, nor your sex object and toy!
The Battle of the Sexes Is Not Won Yet!
A good rule of thumb is, treat every older woman as your mother, if you treated your mother right, or your sister, with respect, gratitude for the unique contributions they make to colleges, the military, the boardroom, the law, and all other areas of life. They have found that the most progressive and successful businesses have both men and women on their management. So, don't go back to the cave man days, where you have to hit a woman over the head, drag her by the hair to get her to do what you want!
I apologize to all the men, who are so great, so kind, so nurturing, serve as mentors, protectors, kind in every way and have help advance women to positions of power, respect, and profession. We are embarking on a beautiful new peaceful world, help the process, be an example, and let's advance!
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