BIG BUSINESS: HOLYLANDS. SWAMP RITUAL. BADLANDERS, JUNE 27, $10. PEARL JAM: JEFF AMENT, BONGO & CREW ARE TRYING TO SET UP A FREE CONCERT IN MISSOULA, LOOKING FOR A VENUE LARGER THAN THE TOP HAT--I TOLD THEM TO DO CARAS PARK OUTSIDE--ANY CONNECTIONS, GET A HOLD OF PEARL JAM ONLINE! GREAT IDEA, GOOD BUSINESS, CREATIVE SOLUTIONS--LUNCH ON WHEELS, COOL & FUNKY FOOD TRUCKS GOING OUT INTO RURAL COMMUNITIES TO BRING YUMMY FOOD TO KIDS AND FAMILIES! THINK BIG! COPS SETTING UP TRAINING TO SAVE THEIR FELLOW OFFICERS FROM PTSD . . . WHAT ABOUT THE PEOPLE WHO HAVE PTSD BECAUSE OF THE COPS? LOL! MY FAVORITE FEMALE OFFICER AND HER MALE COUNTERPART, CAME TO THE POVERELLO LAST NIGHT AT ABOUT 9:45 PM TO STOP A FIGHT . . . ENTERTAINMENT IS ALWAYS FREE! MY DIET COKE CAN HAS THE LYRICS TO "GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN" . . . AFTER MEETING THE COP CHICK THE OTHER NIGHT AT THE BREAK CAFE' WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW, I THOUGHT, I COULD HANG OUT WITH THIS CHICK! LOL! JUST MEETING HER, HAS LOWERED MY PTSD! MAYBE THE MYSTERY OF THE TALE OF TWO SISTERS IS UNRAVELING AND NOW WITH A FIRST HAND MEETING, I CAN BE ME, AND LIVE IN PEACE WITH OFFICERS, AND SHELLEY MY CLONE, CAN BE DISCOVERED AND ARREST, AS THE CRIMINAL SHE IS MASQUERADING AS ME FOR THE LAST 4 YEARS! I FINALLY GOT MY PHONE SET UP, THE STRIPPED DOWN MODEL, LOWER LEVEL, HOPING TO DITCH THE CLONE PHONE, ONLY TAKING ME THREE FUCKING DAYS AND ABOUT THAT MANY HOURS, I FINALLY GOT THE ACTIVATION SET UP AND THE UNREGISTERED SIM NUMBER REGISTERED--EVEN GOT TO MAKE A CALL TO MY OLDEST DAUGHTER, WHO HAPPY TO SAY IS MOVING IN HER NEW HOME TODAY . . . CONGRATULATIONS GRETA AND DALLAS! THE AMERICAN DREAM--DREAM IT, OWN IT! THERE IS NOTHING LIKE HAVING OWNERSHIP OF YOUR OWN PROPERTY! WITHIN REASON, YOU GET TO DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH IT: (1) IMPROVE IT; (2) BUILD A MAN CAVE IN YOUR YARD; (3) RENT IT; AND (4) SELL IT! IT IS NOT EVERY COUNTRY THAT HAS THESE RIGHTS--GOD BLESS AMERICA! THIS MORNING WHILE I WAS WAITING FOR THE BUS, A GUY, LOOKING MUCH LIKE THE YOUNG STUD I TALKED ABOUT YESTERDAY, WHO SHOWED UP IN MY DREAM AND SHOCKED THE SHIT OUT OF ME, NEVER ON THE RADAR SCREEN, RAN BY, THE CLONE THAT IS, AND I STARTED TO LAUGH, HE HAS PROBABLY HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE, THAT I HAD THE DREAM ABOUT HIM . . . DON'T WORRY, I MAY BE A PIT BULL IN THE LAW, BUT IN PERSONAL AFFAIRS, EVEN THE DREAM, BRUSHING MY HAND UP AGAINST YOURS, IS RISQUE FOR ME! I WAS RAISED IN THE ERA OF NEVER CALLING A GUY, AND HE BEING THE AGGRESSOR, AND THAT HAS STUCK WITH ME SINCE MY YOUTH, A LONG ASS TIME AGO! ANOTHER INTERPRETATION, IS MAYBE SAYING, YOU LOOK YOUNGER, DON'T BE AFRAID TO ENTERTAIN THE IDEA, OF YOUNGER MEN . . . I FIND, THAT THE NEXT GENERATION OF GUYS, SEEM TO BE INTO SMART WOMEN, NOT AS SHALLOW, AND WERE RAISED BY SAVVY SINGLE MOMS AND THAT IS TO THEIR BENEFIT! RELAX, IT I JUST A DREAM! LOL! THE PROBLEM WITH ME, IS THAT, I HAVE A TON OF ENERGY, AND THAT ALL PLAYS INTO THE AGE CONUNDRUM, MAKING ME SEEM MUCH YOUNGER THAN I AM. RIGHT NOW, I HAVE A FACE, THAT IS AN 9 OR 10, A BODY, THAT IS ABOUT A 3 OR 4, BUT A MIND THAT IS ABOUT A 13 . . . AVERAGING OUT ABOUT A 7 OR 8, BUT I CAN BE A STRAIGHT ASS 10! SO STARTING JULY 1, 2016, I AM ACTUALLY GOING TO TRY FOR A "10" BODY, WELL I BETTER BE MORE REALISTIC, AT LEAST ABOVE A '5!" BRINGING MY OVERALL SCORE AS A WOMAN, SOMEWHERE AROUND AN 8 OR 9 . . . ALWAYS AIM HIGH, THOUGH! LOL! GIRLS JUST WANT TO HAVE FUN!" NO DOUBT! MEN . . . WHAT THEY WILL LIKE AND LOVE, IN PRIVATE, IS TOTALLY DIFFERENT THAN WHAT THEY HAVE BEEN INDOCTRINATED TO BELIEVE THEY SHOULD BE ATTRACTED TO, AND IN THAT, THEY CREATE A QUAGMIRE IN THEIR SOUL, DATING, BEING SEEN WITH, OR HANGING, MARRYING, OR JUST LIKING, TO IMPRESS THEIR FRIENDS, THERE COP BUDDIES, OR FITTING STEREOTYPES OF WHAT IS ALLEGEDLY GOOD LOOKING OR SEXY, THEY DENY THEMSELVES THE RICHNESS OF AN ENTIRE EXPANSE OF SELECTION, AND IN THAT FUCK BOTH SEXES! WHEN I WAS A FRESHMAN AT BYU, THE MOST SHALLOW COLLEGE ON THE PLANET, 80% OF THE GUYS, DATED ONLY 20% OF THE GALS! THE FEW OF US, AND AT THE TIME, I DID FIT, THE STANDARD OF WHAT MEN WERE TAUGHT TO BE ATTRACTED TO . . . I LEARNED THIS FROM MY ROOMMATE'S BOYFRIEND, WHO WAS MORE THAN HAPPY TO DATE AND GO OUT WITH MY FRIEND BARBARA; HOWEVER, WHEN IT CAME TIME FOR HIS FRATERNITY PARTY, OR MORMON VERSION OF FRATERNITIES, HE ASKED ME BEHIND HER BACK TO GO WITH HIM . . . I WAS SO DISCUSSED, I NOT ONLY TOLD HER SHE HAD AN ASSHOLE FOR A BOYFRIEND, BUT SHE SHOULD DROP HIS SORRY ASS, ASAP . . . BUT I DIDN'T SWEAR IN THOSE DAYS! LOL! RETHINK BEAUTY, AND REMEMBER IT IS ONLY SKIN DEEP! IN CHOOSING YOUR EGO OVER HAPPINESS, YOU CAN ONLY FUCK YOURSELVES! YOU HAVE TO LIVE WITH THEM, AND YOU MADE YOUR BED, SO SLEEP IN IT! BEAUTIFUL MESSES, ARE NOT FUN! THIS MORNING, I WATCHED, MY TYPICAL "TRUE CRIME" EPISODES, "STALKED": "KISS OF DEATH" . . . I WROTE AN AWARD WINNING MANUAL FOR COPS AND PROSECUTORS, WITH CREATIVE MATERIAL IN IT, BECAUSE, I LEARNED SO MUCH FROM MY STALKER, AND WAS ABLE TO STUDY "ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY" UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL. HE ENDED UP GOING TO PRISON FOR 18 MONTHS, THANK GOD, FOR FORGERY, DUE TO THE FACT THAT HE WAS SO "OBSESSED" THAT HE COULD NOT WORK, AND TO LIVE STOLE HIS ELDERLY NEIGHBORS, CHECKS AND CASHED SOME! HE WAS RELEASED FROM PRISON, JUST DAYS BEFORE, I WAS TO GRADUATE FROM LAW SCHOOL, AND I WAS AFRAID I WAS GOING TO HAVE TO WEAR A "BULLET PROOF" VEST! HE CALLED, ME BLAMED ME FOR ALL HIS WOES IN PRISON, AND VOWED TO PAY ME BACK AND GET ME IN PRISON . . . SO HE IS BEHIND ALL THIS SHIT FOR THE LAST 16 YEARS? NAH, IT IS THE UNDERCOVER FEDERAL COPS I EITHER DATED OR MARRIED! COPS DON'T HAVE "BOUNDARIES" UNDER THE UNCONSTITUTIONAL PATRIOT ACT . . . SO THE STALKING GOES FROM PHYSICAL PRESENCE TO SURVEILLANCE, TO CELL PHONE STALKING AND CYBER STALKING ON COMPUTERS . . . THEY ARE GIVEN ACCESS, ACCESS, ACCESS, AND THE WOMEN THEY USE TO PAY YOU BACK, ARE GIVEN ACCESS TO TRY TO GET RID OF YOU TOO! I WANTED TO WRITE A BIT ON THAT, BASED ON THE SHOW I SAW THIS MORNING, AND GUYS DON't THINK YOU ARE ABOVE IT EITHER . . . IN THIS EPISODE, THE STALKED VICTIM WAS A BLACK MARRIED MALE, HAPPILY MARRIED WITH A NEW BABY, HE DROVE A LIMO, AND ONE NIGHT, HIS CUSTOMER, ASKED HIS YOUNG GUY TO TAKE HIM TO A STRIP CLUB, AND WHILE THE DRIVER WAS THERE, HE STARTED TO TALK TO A STRIPPER, AND THEY HAVE BOTH GROWN UP, IN THE SAME AREA, GOT INTO HER SITUATION, HOW SHE GOT ONTO THIS LIFESTYLE, ETC., HE WAS JUST BEING A NICE GUY, GAVE HER A RIDE HOME, AND IN THAT SHORT TIME, SHE STARTED TO TELL HIM, SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH HIM, AND PUTTING THE MOVES ON HIM, TO WHICH HE REBUKED BEING VERY IN LOVE WITH HIS WIFE . . . SHE STARTED TO CALL HIM, TEXT HIM, BOTHER HIM AT HIS WORK, STALK HIM AT HOME . . . HE WORRIED ABOUT HIS WIFE AND BABY, AFRAID SHE WOULD WANT THEM OUT OF THE WAY. HE WENT TO THE COPS, THEY DISMISSED IT AND SAID, HE WAS THE GUY, STRONG, SMART AND HE COULD HANDLE IT, SO HE TRIED, THE ONLY WAY HE KNEW HOW . . . HE WENT TO HER HOUSE AND CONFRONTED HER, SHE PULLED A GUN ON HIM AND SAID, IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU NOBODY CAN. HE CALLED HER BLUFF AND GRABBED HER HAND, PULLED IT TO HIS CHEST AND SAID, SHOOT! EVENTUALLY SHE STOPPED, BUT HER PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR STARTED TO KICK IN, AND SO WHILE NOT OVERTLY CALLING HIM, SHE GOT PISSED AND SHE KEYED HIS AUTOMOBILE, AGAIN HE WAS FURIOUS, FINALLY TOLD HIS WIFE, WHO HE DIDN'T WANT TO WORRY, BUT THEN WITH THE ESCALATION, AND BELIEVE ME, REJECTING AND PUSHING AWAY AN OBSESSED PERSON, JUST ADDS FUEL TO THE FIRE, AS I LEARNED . . . SO, DECIDING HE WAS GOING TO END THIS ONCE AND FOR ALL, HE AGAIN GOES TO HER HOUSE, ONLY THIS TIME WHEN SHE PULLS THE GUN, AFTER HE HAS TOLD HER OFF, AND IS LEAVING, SHE SHOOTS HIM ON THE BACK, AND KILLS HIM, AFTER HE CRAWLED TO THE STREETS, WHERE A MOTORIST FOUND HIM AND CALLED PARAMEDICS . . . HE DIED, THE GIRL COMMITTED SUICIDE AND LEFT THE NOTE THAT WAS OUT OF CONTROL, STATING THAT IF SHE COULD NOT HAVE HIM, NOBODY COULD . . . O.J. SIMPSON, MENTALITY, IS FUCKING SCARY, NOT ONLY FOR THE PERSON, BUT FOR ANYONE, LIKE RON GOLDMAN, WHO JUST RETURNED HER GLASSES FROM THE RESTAURANT HE WORKED AT! AFTER LEARNING THAT MY BEHAVIOR PRIOR TO MY OBSESSED BOYFRIEND, ONLY MADE HIM MORE DETERMINED TO COME ONTO ME, AND FORCE HIMSELF INTO MY HOUSE, CALLING ME NON-STOP, DITCHING IN AND OUT OF STAIRWELLS AT THE LAW SCHOOL, TAKING MY LAW BOOKS, TAKING MY TIME, EVEN BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE AND HIDING IN MY CLOSET AND REFUSING TO LEAVE FOR THE TWO WEEK CHRISTMAS VACATION, WHILE ALL MY ROOMMATE WERE ON VACATION, THEY EVEN CALLED THE COPS ON HIM . . . AND WHEN IT GOT TO BE, IT IS ME, OR IT IS HIM GOING, I GOT LUCKY AND HE GOT CAUGHT FORGING CHECKS, AND GOT ARRESTED! BUT DURING THAT TIME, I GOT SMARTER, AND WHEN HE GOT OUT OF PRISON, WITH ME IMAGINING, I WOULD WALK ACROSS GRADUATION, ACCEPT MY DIPLOMA, HE WOULD JUMP OUT OF THE CROWD AND GUN ME DOWN, I DECIDED A NEW APPROACH, AND SO WHEN HE SAID HE WAS COMING UP TO SEE ME, I JUST SAID, I WOULD LOVE TO SEE YOU . . . HE NEVER CAME. REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY? BUT WHATEVER, IT WORKED! BUT I LEARNED, PUSHING HIM, FORCING HIM OUT OF MY DOORWAY, JUST MADE HIM, STRONGER IN HIS RESOLVE TO VIOLATE MY BOUNDARIES AND FORCE HIS WILL AND WISH TO BE WITH ME! I LEARNED A LOT IN THE 18 MONTHS I COULD NOT GET RID OF HIM . . . WARNING SIGNS, FOR YOU TO CONSIDER IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, AND OFTEN, IF CONTINUED, CAN LEAD TO DATING VIOLENCE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, IF THE RELATIONSHIP CONTINUES TO MARRIAGE! MINE DID NOT, THANK GOD!

HEY, HEY, STAY AWAY FROM RUN AROUND SUE!

Background and History of Paul My Stalker

Paul, would have been the last one, in the world, his buddies would have guess would ever become a stalker, much less, commit forgery, because, in his Brigham Young University, Mormon student ward, a guy hunting haven, of tons of good looking female students, was even voted, back when I was a freshman, by Playboy Magazine, as having the prettiest coeds, in the nation.  Everyone used to joke, that it was the 31 flavors of the dating world . . . one for each night of the month!  That was Paul's mantra, voted the Romeo or Mr. Casanova, of his ward, just months before I met him, at a singles dance, months after I became divorced, with him mistaking me for a 19 year old, rather than the 34 year old woman, with 4 kids, that I was, which proved to him, a big mistake, the dating king taken down by the Queen of Diamonds, or the Ice Princess, a whole other game than the young, sweet, spirits or the females going to college to get married, and there for one reason only, to bag a man!  SERIOUS!  You have to have that eternal partner, for time and all eternity, so dating is a huge part of college to Mormons.  I was not in the same market, already, somewhat taken by the male law student, who had previously, been, an English major, and crush, while I was married, up at Weber State University.  Like I said, yesterday, I am faithful, even before, I have a relationship, and Paul, hung out with all the law students in the ward, was friends with Mike, so, in the male ego, fragile as it is, I think, Paul, may have felt, a bit inferior on the professional level, but he ruled on the personal level, getting dates with every woman he tried for . . . until he met me!  LOL!

The Law School Boyz Club, Fascinated As Mr. Casanova, Is Sacrificed on the Alter, of Another God!  LOL!  Buddy What Happened to You?  Dude?

I had been a housewife and student for 15 year, got married too young, had kids, and was bored out of my gored, so, getting hooked up with another guy, at the time Paul met me, with me pushing him away, right off the bat, at a singles dance, three months after my divorce, not jumping into the dating scene at all, heading to law school myself, and never being the aggressor in any relationship, dream man, my friend from high school, who happened to still be single and going to this Mormon BYU ward, insisted, against my will, that I go with her, start getting out and about, and back into single life, which at BYU, or any singles world, is like going into the jungle without a guide!  I was so, not interested in going, that, I simply pulled my long blonde hair into a pony tail, and wore what I was wearing that day, and joined Cheryl to the outside spring dance . . . my divorce was final, I believe, by April, but me and my ex-husband, actually lived together, until September or the end of summer, when I started my high school teaching job, at Timpview High School, good friends and support systems for each other, both before and after the divorce, more like friends, now, with kids in common.  So, it was a bit dicey on the dating scene, but it also protected me and gave me a good excuse not to have anyone over to my house, still the marital property, convenient.

So, that night, Cheryl, and I go to the dance, she goes through the gate and hits the dance floor and her friends, but, Paul, looking like some preppy college student, cool hair, jet black, pink shirt, white shorts, and sandals, plus, wire rim glasses, is sitting on the fence going into the dance . . . he says, give me your name and number, or a dime, so I handed him a dime--new rejection, right off the bat, challenge is one, for this ladies man, scammer, hustler.  He put his leg across the gate, and blocked me, we talked for a minute or two, and he asked me to dance--he looked harmless--looks can be deceiving . . . how threatening can someone be wearing a pink dress shirt?  So, I thought, he seems safe, and funny, pretty handsome back in the day, used to be a model for hair stylists, so nice hair, and he can protect me from all the rest of the letches at the dance, that night . . . I still don't like to dance with some asshole I don't know, don't care to know, and prefer to just get out and boogie on my own, free styling, and getting into my body and the zone of the music.  I love to dance, hate doubles dancing, or partner dancing!  Blah!  But, that was back in the day, when, girls had not gotten smart enough to blow off guys and just have FUN!  LOL!  So, bugged as I was, I danced, later, we called it a night, and I left.  Never gave Paul my name or number . . . now that I think about it, he must have gotten it either from Cheryl or Mike, but, I don't think at that point, Mike was still around, and he was sitting for the bar exam.

Addicted to Sex . . . This is BYU!

I get a call, from Paul?  How in the hell did you get my number?  No, I am not going out with you!  I told him, I liked Mike, so I am hitting his ego on all cylinders, telling him, I like another guy, I am still living with my ex-husband, and no, I am not going out with him.  Now, the say, the way to a man's heart is his stomach, but now, they have even found that to be wrong, they will take an offer for sex over dinner.  I had cooked dinner for 15 fucking years and I was burned out, have never gone back to cooking since, so when Paul, eventually, offered to cook me dinner, I finally succumbed to the date, or whatever it was.  For some reason, this peeked the curiosity of all both Paul and Mike's law school buddies, some of which were staying around for the summer, until the bar exam, or employment started.  It may have been because I was older, divorced, or something threw dating me, into a gamer level, not as safe as the sweet spirits, looking for a husband before they graduate!  LOL!  I don't recall that the dinner impressed me much, spaghetti, FUCKING NSA, IS ALL OVER THIS ALREADY, ASSHOLES, NEW BOYZ CLUB, I AM THE KIND OF WOMAN YOU DON'T WANT TO TAKE HOME TO MEET YOUR MOTHER, STILL, AND I AM PROBABLY OLDER THAN YOUR MOTHER, BUT GAMY STILL!  LOL!

I was game for a little high school shit, making out, not even touchy feely, but, a bit of kissing, was always cool, and I used to make out with about three guys a day when I was a freshman or fresh woman!  LOL! While we were having dinner, however, I noticed two of Mike's law school, buddies, also friends with Paul, sneaking around cars in the parking lot of the apartment building they all lived in, and just laughed, curiosity got the cats?  All in good fun.  It was still day, because, I refused to go with Paul at night, so, while Paul was doing something, he told me to go into his bedroom . . . his drawer was open, and there was this book in an almost empty drawer, Addicted to Sex.  Being into both male, female, and abnormal psychology, and having studied much, my JoAnna Freud Sex Therapist side kicked in.  So, why would this guy, leave his draw open, so that it was in plain view, if he didn't want me to know, what he was addicted to, or to discuss the issue?  When he got into the room, I said, I noticed you book, what are you addicted to?  Masturbation . . . oh, do you want to lay back on the bed and tell me about it?  Yeah, make out, make out, so what is the problem?  I masturbate all the time.  Okay, what do you want me to do about it?  My mom, is a health teacher, she said, it is perfectly normal, and I think, the more you resist the desire, to do it, the worst it will get, so if you have hangups, or your Mormon bishop trashes you for it, don't worry, he is dealing with it himself . . . that is probably the first time, he started to relax and see it as a normal, healthy thing to do, so just do the best you can.  I thought, that was kind of fun, but, I am into Mike . . . the law school boyz club was still, ditching and dodging in and out of cars, trying to get view of me and Paul, but, I was scoping the scene, right off the bat . . . training for me and cops now?  LOL!

Dating King Goes Down In Flames, Boyz Club Demoralized!  Turning the Tables, Seems to be My Forte'

Sunday, rolls around, and I haven't given Paul another thought.  I was thin and dressed to kill, so, I decided, to get up and give the boyz, the same ones who were sneaking around the cars, a taste of a smart woman, probably smarter at that point than now, hopped up on scholarly pursuit, and having, started a master's degree on ancient scripture study, and this was, church, so I time to get to the pulpit and not necessarily bear my testimony, but show off my intellectual acumen!  LOL!  I was a high school debater, and English/Communications major, and I had done tons of public speaking over the years, so shining in this area, was not going to hard, having read all the ancient texts and manuscripts, on religion, I went for it.  Some of the guys took it as a challenge to male superiority and saw an insult, to their priesthood authority!  LOL! Many took it upon themselves, to tell my friend Cheryl, they didn't think, I belonged in a singles ward . . . sour grapes, and that continued to my neighborhood in St. George, and played mightily in the raid and rape of all my property, law practice, being a female, more financially set, with a better home, doing it all, single, kids, house, extra kids and relatives, parties and a law practice, that a 5 man law firm would have been proud to brag about doing.  So, this inflation of the male ego, is long and hard, to ignore, and so are hate crimes . . . shit, this was a unscripted testimony, masked as my, ah, ha, I am smarter than all of you, law students included, so don't you think differently!  LOL!  LET THE FUN AND THE GAME BEGIN!  LOL!

I talked to Paul for a minute, who told me he was so nervous to see me again . . . what impressed with your session on the couch? with JoAnna Freud? you should be!  LOL!  You would have to pay good money for that advice, the right advice, and his masturbation problems were abated, replaced with obsession, having hots for the teacher.  Paul admitted that, he ironed his pants, shirt and tie, took extra time on his hair, cleaned his finger nails, etc.  Telling an alpha female like me, is like dropping blood in the sea water, or dangling an injured toe overboard!  LOL!  My first, post-divorce, victim, this is going to be fun, given his previous status as the campus dating king, who loved the thrill of the hunt, but once the girls accepted his advances and dates, the game got boring, and he didn't even want to go on the date!  LOL!  But with me, in a constant state of rejection, that threw him off his game and he had to continue the hunt and pursuit, because, it was not coming, nor easy, and I was having fun pushing his emotional buttons . . . got a live one, I used to complain, that my ex-husband, was a man, with body parts and no passions . . . I had to go to the psychos for that!  And I got them, Zeke or Richard, was far too health for me, and far to normal, if there is such a thing!  What Zeke never reacted, this guy went ape shit over, so the more crazy he went the more brutal and fun it became for me, and I had a audience, all Mike's and Paul's friends, even better law school graduates, now I am getting to the level of guys, who might be able to give me a run for my money . . .  never did, never have, still looking?  The man eater!  POOR PAUL, never knew what hit him!  LOL!

What Paul Lacked in Intellectual Power, He Made Up for In Brute Strength, Which is Generally the Truth, Muscle is the Equalizer

The more I rejected Paul, the more he came onto me, but he was fun, and if he insisted or persisted, eventually, I would give in . . . generally, now that I lived on my own, food did it! and I have not changed one bit!  LOL!  I have not cooked since 1989 when, I got divorced!  Haven't missed it a bit!  Due to the sketchy and bizarre grounds of our relationship, the emotional roller coaster, the whole thing was fun, and interesting, and a trip into the psyche of a man, leaving me thinking, now, I wonder what he would do if I did this? or if I don't do that?  I guess I should not be too critical of the lab rat idea, the government has me trapped in, because, I did this to Paul, who had been trained as a quasi-psychologist, so he had the little blue book of diagnosis, and we would have fun, studying and analyzing each other, trying to put each other in one category or another.  I was trying to break up with Paul the whole time I was with him . . . just flames to the fire for an obsessed guy.  As law school hit, and my hours and days were taken up with classes, study and kids, Paul was put on the back burner, not to mention, I was in an arena with tons of guys, younger, but, they were game, generally rejected for being too naive and lacking experience in life, but, making out in the basement of the law school, after fighting over issues, was fun, entertainment, and causing conflict with some guys, even top 10 law students.  Law school was a sideline to my life.

I had this dark fascination, always, wondering, if, some guy, tried to rape me, could I fight them off, could I break their control, what would it look like . . . so, I used Paul as a Gennie pig for my experiments, as unrealistic as they were, because he liked me, and that made the difference.  As we got to know each other better, and he was probably the most fun guy I ever dated, Mr. InterPol and Brett were all witty, but Paul, was knockdown crazy ass fun, because, I never wanted him and tried to get rid of him, 24/7 while he tried to control me, or stay with me 24/7, amazing, personality, conflicts, conditions, and the creation of a creature, he didn't recognize in himself and I was not sure what to do with or how to handle, bringing, deep buried family secrets from his childhood, needs, connections, etc.  It was a fascinating relationship, all things considered, but once I hit law school, game over, I needed my space, and was not getting it, that led to the criminal behavior in Paul, what had been harmless before, became overbearing while I was engaged in other activities, to the point that I thought, this is either me or him!  The stalking, exploded, as I pushed him out of my life, crazy scared about failing, this good student of the past, kicked in and he was, again, faced with dealing with a new animal in me!  One time, he hid my law books and said, I am going to see how smart you really are . . . lightning fast, I punched him across the face, knocking a tooth from his mouth!  Paul had a black belt in karate, he had a six pack gut, he was a long distance biker, and in total shape, he said, I hit him harder than any karate kick, he had ever had.  I had never hit a guy, in my life, and I knew, we were out of control and this relationship needed to END, but that was not in Paul's plans.

Obsessive Behavior Always Escalates . . . Very Scary . . . As the Victim, and in Our Case, Some May Say that Was Paul, But I Was Far from Obsessed!

Shit, I lost all my notes from this morning and the Kiss of Death, Stalking episode, so I am going to have to go from memory of what happened to me, and what the guy in the TV crime was going through:

• the criminologist, said the perpetrator of the stalking and the obsession, starts to have a complete melt down, in nature, character, temperament, actions, focus, and they, really, are, almost beyond their own control . . . and that is what makes them VERY scary.
• like in the case on TV, the guy being stalked, and preyed upon, hits their wits end, and if law enforcement, or sanity, is restored to the relationship, that one person does not even want, never wanted, like in the dude on TV that ended up dead, and in my case, where I kind of endured it, could be talked into it for a while, thought he was fun, but, could have walked away from him at any time, making, it even more painful to him, and I feel somewhat responsible, unlike the guy in the episode, I felt that I could handle my life myself, but I was reaching a breaking point, and I have a pistol temper, that, I had long learned to control when I was a young girl, and I didn't like the ME he was bringing out in me, as I fought for, boundaries, and maybe this is where my anger against cops, surveillance, and spying on me come in, taking away every aspect of privacy I have from phone calls to computers, to doing fucking anything . . . that is a HIDEOUS feeling of INVASION!
• everyone has personal boundaries, space, somewhere they need, just to keep their sanity . . . stalkers take all that away from you.  Paul used to call me, non-stop, and at first before my roommates ratted me out, I wondered, how in the hell, can Paul, seem to call me the second I get back from classes, or from being with my kids?  My roommates, who called the cops on him, said, he doesn't know when you are getting home, he calls none stop for hours, until you get home, driving us insane!  In the movie, the stripper chick who was obsessed, started calling this guy, young father, at home, 10, 20, 30, 40 times a day, even his fellow employees, who he informed of the psycho bitch, started getting pissed, and answering the phone, just like my roommates, and the stalker, starts to engage everyone in you circle, wanting to control you!
• the poor guy in the Stalking show, did what you think you can do, and that is go talk to the crazy, talk some sense into them, get them to realize that they are busting up a family, or law school in my case, or fucking your job, getting you in trouble at your place of employment and may even cost you your job.  This is serious shit, and it is like you can't get these people to understand, you simply DON'T want the relationship!  Some gear, slips in their mind, that it is not about what you want, about your boundaries, about, your life, IT IS ALL ABOUT THEIR NEEDS TO BE WITH YOU, very selfish!  YOUR ARE SIMPLY AN OBJECT OF THEIR OBSESSION, reasonable or NOT!
• they say that attractions are based on chemical reaction, because, there had to be something more, involved . . . so University of Utah, professor, said, it really is in you chemistry, or your spit!  There is something chemical that takes place, but normal people, have control over this, and realize that, this person is not the only person, they can have chemistry with, and they need to RESPECT THE BOUNDARIES OF OTHERS, even if it is PAINFUL, and let them move on!  I believe this story with Paul, is much like a blueprint or template, for Brett and some future lovers and boyfriends, and cops are the worst, because they have ACCESS to you personal shit, your records, they can track you phone, you computer, fuck with every fucking thing in you life, as if, they are going to avenge the wrong you committed against them, when in reality, they are the one that is engaging in CRIMINAL BEHAVIOR!  In my case, Brett cheated, but, he acted like he was the VICTIM, so when a person gets obsessed, there is something in the brain, that, flips, the crazy switch, the loony toon, when, none of it makes sense anymore, all the true victim knows, who just did what rational and the reasonable man or woman would have done in the same situation, becomes and a front, worthy of death, revenge, by ANY MEANS . . . I was just damned lucky, Paul, went to prison, both for me and for him, he finally, moved on, got remarried, had a wife, a child, and let go . . . but, my fear is, what would have happened, if I had not, learned from my experience, and rejected him, just days before law school graduation, what if I had said, NO, you can't come see me . . . would everything have started OVER?

DON'T PLAY WITH PEOPLE HEARTS AND MINDS . . . YOU MIGHT GET CRAZY!  If you see signs of obsession, read up on it, get help, don't try to handle it yourself, because, even the obsessed person doesn't understand what is happening to them . . . this guy was the dating king, dated hundreds of women, and for some odd reason, through my actions, our chemistry, out of both our control, through the  games we played, could have ended up in a tragedy!  I am a risk taker, and I knew I was playing with fire!  I believe, that I have been with several serial killers!  Try one of those guys, obsessed with you!

1,000 People a Year are Murdered By Stalkers!

Don't Be One of Them

• there are male on male stalkers
• there are female on female stalkers
• and generally, there are male on female stalkers
• in rare cases, there are female on male stalkers!!!!
• DON'T GET CRAZY!  READ THE SIGNS!