A Ballroom Full of Condoms? Costumes? Plus, Appropriate Dancing! All True at the U . . . Good for YOU!
I am probably a good person, to write about sex, given the fact, that being raised, a strict Mormon girl, told not to kiss until I was 16 years old, and with the ultimate goal of being a virgin, which I am proud to say I was, there is also a down side to that equation, that of being so prudish, and really ignorant of sex, that I couldn't talk to my own husband, of 10 months, and 9 months pregnant, about a pamphlet on sex, that my younger sister, Sue and her husband, Kevin, got from a gynecologist, as they entered the blissful state of matrimony--they made if through the information fine, and I being big as a house, with our baby, was so embarrassed, that I think we only read about a page or two! LOL! It kind of reminds me of my daughter, Greta, and her husband Dallas, not having sex, mostly Greta's idea, the consummate big sister, worried about, their new squeaky bed, on Thanksgiving, afraid, her little brother, wild ass, Elliot, bass guitarist for, God's Revolver, and music major at the University of Utah, has been around--sssssshhhhhhhhhh, don't tell Greta, and his girlfriend, who had been drinking, and having raucous, wild, rowdy sex, in the bedroom below them, and came, laughing, stumbling and falling, into the hall and bathroom, as Dallas, just looked at Greta, and you are protecting him from us, don't you think it ought to be the other way around . . . she, Greta, my oldest daughter, was trained by her mother, and the boys, were trained by their father. Big difference! LOL!
On the flip side of my religious training, in this ever, unanswered question, of nurture vs. nature, I have taken, the MMPI, the Michigan, something, Personality, Inventory, or maybe the Michigan, Multi-Personality Inventory! LOL! But, I was off the charts, energy wise, and had an ego rating higher than any man, the tester, had ever tested, and had the personality profile of a hooker! And if I didn't have my religious, upbringing, I would be fucking every man that walked, thus the connection with the song, Mustang Sally . . . it has taken a few husbands to break this mustang in! LOL! I had a mother, who was a health and P.E. teacher, and had a very healthy attitude toward sex, with her and my father, having a very healthy sex life, preventing with all 8 children, until she got a hysterectomy! Some guys, connect sex, and babies, and once the woman, can't have babies, I guess the sex, or the reason, in my father's mind, was over! They had previously had sex twice a day, for 20 some odd years. This is called the, Madonna/Whore Syndrome . . . you are either a mother, or a whore, can't be both! Not healthy thinking. So, I am a mixed bag of tricks, and you never know, what you are going to get with me. Some guy, just said to me the other day, at the Poverello, that he didn't think I ever had a good time . . . just because, I conveniently, use my Mormon puritan stance with you, doesn't mean, given the right guy, the right circumstances, and the right atmosphere . . . most luck with me in the mountains, motels and hotels, no, and I could never have sex on my anniversary, because it was expected, as it is by going to a motel or hotel, same with giving me a negligee, my comment to my husband--who's body have you been looking at for 12 years? . . . I hate commitment, feeling coerced, or having to do anything, even if it is sex with my husband, on our anniversary, that I feel trapped, or manipulated into doing--weird psychology, at best, but that is me--spontaneity works best!
Personal Evolution of Sex
I figured the Birds & the Bees, out on my own. But, semen, hell no, what in the hell is all this sticky stuff? I thought, on my honeymoon, if I ever had sex, before I was married, I sure as hell, would not have had it twice! My friend told her new husband, that she was more turned on by a kiss! He retorted, if I knew you were this fat, I would never have married you . . . this came in between the marriage ceremony, and the reception, where they were not talking to each other. Surprise, surprise, surprise, we both ended up divorced! And argument for pre-marital sex, or sex education? I was the first person, to get married, out of all my sisters and friends, who were virgins, Shelley, was already married, and I think, was not a virgin, or most likely, so I didn't bother to ask her about sex or misinformation about sex. One of my friends had a co-worker, who had just been married. I told, Lynette, to ask her how many times she had sex on her wedding night, and like what did they do . . . I had only figured out the missionary style, and oral sex was a mystery, my Mormon bishop at BYU threw me out of his office, when he asked me, because I was too embarrassed, to tell him what I had done, in my freshman confession, what oral sex was, when he asked if I had ever done it.
Now, this one co-worker, unbeknown to me, and her experimental, and most likely, much more experienced than myself, said they had sex, 7 times the first night, and they eat each other out, using a banana, and whip cream! Are you kidding me, well, that one is out, but, the 7 times, okay, that is average, I guess? So, as shy, reticent, and bashful as I was, having not seen a male body, since, my younger brother was about 2, I was a bit, shocked, to say the least, and wished that I had a tennis viser that I could wear upside down, as my now, husband, strutted his stuff all over the room, even playing the guitar, nurture for Elliot, while I was avoiding the inevitable, SEX! A bit grossed out, by the first encounter, I wondered why we were not having sex again. So, I said, it that it? And he said, What do you think I am, a marathon man? LOL!
I WILL BE GLAD TO BUY YOU A MONEY FOR CHRISTMAS
Okay, so my husband, had been somewhat more adventuresome in his teens, being inactive and thrown out of the American Boy Scouts, for swearing at winter camp, and he, when brave enough to broach the subject, would ask me if we could have oral sex. The Mormon Church at the time frowned on it; therefore, I was sure that it was not something we should do, and you do go to the bathroom, from that part of your body, and that just didn't sit well with me. I did take an anthropology class in college, and there was this professor who had a pet monkey, who would give him blow jobs, as he came out of the shower, and I would be amenable to getting him a pet monkey! I don't think he thought at was all that funny, but I did! LOL! At least it was a compromise! I did, once, out in our VW van, decide after being married about 10 years, that I might as well try it, just this once, and surprise him, since we were being spontaneous, and at least having sex in the van . . . frankly, I was turned on for a week, but I never did it again.
Breaking the commandments of sex, even while married, was bad enough, but I at least owed him that . . . never looked at it, that I could also enjoy, that sexual experience, both giving and receiving, out of my menu of beliefs. Although, the scriptures and God, are more liberal than we are, and he said, husbands and wife's should come together often, and the marriage bed is undefiled! I am sure he would limit that to the catch all phrase, as long as it is done in love, and both partners are okay with it. Just my opinion.
Over all, I dig and dug sex, probably more than my husband did, because I was off the charts energy level wise, and in that same MMPI, he took, he was below the charts on the other extreme, no energy, he was working full time, stressful, city planning job, and big time church calling. I on the other hand was running every morning and a bored housewife--he strongly encouraged me to go to school or college to finish my degree, to get some of that energy out, I am sure! LOL! I always wanted more than I got, let's put it that way, so a husband's dream come true, in that respect, I have never, turned down sex, with someone, I love, and feel safe with, never, and most likely never will, unless in the testing stage of a relationships, trust is the ultimate element of any healthy relationship, and gets you more sex, better sex, and more frequent sex . . . got to have trust, or no go!
The First Time I Had FUN SEX!
I started to date a trust-funder, if you know what that is, someone, who's parents, support, and they have endless time, to have fun, have sex, go to dinner, take drives, golf, play basketball, and racquetball, plus ditch out on the 6 kids, we both had between us. He had a great house for getting rid of all the kids, huge, on 3 1/2 acres, a pond, two sides to the house, and tons of yard, hide-outs, and rooms, closets, and whatever to ditch into. We met dancing at Park City, Utah, and hit off a fun, wild, crazy, playful, great relationship, and both with the energy to boot. We had always been conflicted over sex, although, we were going at it all the time, doing everything but . . . and that is fun too, the anticipation of sex, is sometimes, what makes the whole thing fun, don't be too hasty, you miss some good, frustrating energy, and wanting each other so bad, you can't think of anything else, way cool and fun! We messed around for two years, touching, feeling, goofing around, teasing, and whatever. Until, I hit the bar exam, to become a lawyer! Stress, stress and more stress!
Here is where the healthy parenting comes in . . . my mother had always said, sex helps me calm down when I am stressed, picks me up when I am depressed, and makes me feel good, we are talking, loving, mutually respectful sex, knowing my parents! So, Jerry, my lover at the time, had gone to Ohio, to visit family, while I was staying at his house to study for the bar. He told me, that he really wasn't having that much fun, missed me, and I told him, I needed him to come home and have sex with me, because I was so stressed and the words of my mother, came to mind, and God could just forgive me and him, but I fucking needed to have sex, and get the release it gives, and I was about 39 and he was 47, so we were both adults and had been dating for two years at this point, so what the hell. He gladly came home that night, as I recall, put the kids and himself, on the plane, with no explanation of why they were jetting back to Utah, but he was on a mission, to help me in anyway he could, get through the bar exam! LOL!
The second we were alone, we had sex. He said, both of us out of practice, and not really knowing each other's bodies, well, that sucked, let's try it again. And like riding a bike, after the 8th time, the last on the washing machine, we had it down, and it was great, from that point forward. Don't think for one second, that you know, what you are doing with a new partner, or spouse, because, I am here to tell you, when the Bible, says, and he knew her, they are talking carnal knowledge, and each body is different, angles, energy, preferences, and what is an is not agreeable. To trust and feel comfortable with a spouse, or new lover, you have to take some time, to communicate with each other . . . the movies, are selling you a bill of goods, with both people, rushing to the hotel room, ripping each others' clothes off, for the hottest sex, every time . . . sometimes that may happen, but don't give up, if he or she doesn't rock your world the first time you have sex . . . I firmly believe, you have to love that person first, then trust each other, that you are not going to be with someone else the next night, or his/her exploits are going around campus, then, hopefully, after getting to know each other first, and going another level, or when married, I can't tell you what anticipation does, waiting can make the heart grow stronger, and believe me, men, woman get blue balls in their stomachs!
In the Chicken Coop, While On the Phone with Church Members, At What We Thought to Our Surprise, Was a Remote, Deserted-Like Island--Caught, Butt Up in the Air! LOL!
After I went cruising into the bar exam, and was so relaxed, people wondered what the big smile on my face was, and at that point, after great, fun sex, for a week or so, I didn't even care if I passed the bar exam or failed. Smile, hell, yes, it is that powerful, and great, fun as hell, especially with a partner, you completely trust, who has your best interest at heart, and is doing all he can to help you reach your dreams! LOL! He was getting his, and so was, I. After I took the bar exam, I told him thanks for the service, now we need to go back to no sex, due to our beliefs--his response, fuck NO! You can't just use me, have me take care of you while you take the bar exam, and then cut me off! Oh, yeah, watch me! LOL! Na . . . I liked it as much as he did, like cutting off my nose to spite my face! Forever conflicted over our alleged value system, not really, free abandoned sex at that point, and fun, fun, fun!
The funniest time, we had fun sex, was, we were just going for a drive, which we always did. We were west of Salt Lake City, and going toward Wendover. He had his hand down my blouse, feeling me out, and going nuts, driving, not knowing what he was going to do, the blue balls thing, I could see, I was so turned on. So we made an executive decision, and took a detour, out on this road, that we thought, led to nowhere, leaving us free to do whatever, wherever, and we did, to our chagrin, as we planted our asses, mine, in particular, in the Great Salt Lake sand, in a roadside, ditch, with water down lower, and Jerry, with his butt up in the air, going at it, when cars going by, honking, looking, and us, laughing, being too far into it, to care too much, but laughing our asses off! I am very modest, but I didn't give a rat's ass, and was more bugged at the drivers, for interrupting, really energized, fun, electric, and hot sex! Shame on them! Fun, fun, fun, should be!
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