You Can Love Perfectly, And Not Understand, Even Those the Most Close To Us
The movie, A River Runs Through It, has been my daughter, Greta, and her husband, Dallas's, favorite movies, of all time, maybe because they have three sons; Greta, fears, Legends of the Fall, also with actor, Brad Pit, the fight seen in the kitchen between the two sons, made me shutter, thinking of my grandsons, when they get to be teens, already extremely competitive and close enough in age, to rival each other, merely two years apart, between the oldest, and the second, the second and the youngest, and the youngest, seems to be, almost the most competitive of the three! But, after about, 15 years of trying to get me to watch the movie, either with them, or just checking it out, when it was playing at the library, I almost attended, just to honor my beautiful daughter, to see, what, she found so alluring, I the movie, as well as with Dallas, and it was highly obvious to me, and gave me, not necessarily new insights into my daughters, loves and passions, but her fears and concerns for her own sons, wild, rambunctious, and untamed, just the way grandma likes them! As, Paul talked his older brother, into running the white water of the Blackfoot River that runs into the Clark Fork, it made me think of other incidents of danger, that young boys, care free, invisible, and crazy, do, leaving me to wonder how they ever stay alive?
I remember a friend of mine, from Tucson, Arizona, telling me how, he and his now, very prime and proper, religious wife, formerly, as crazy and wild as he was, got so drunk and climbed to the top of some tower, laughing and risking, the very perils of death, mocking it, and taking it all in, later to have one of their similarly thrill seeking friends, fall to his death. Or thinking of my own sons, who, I think, along with their sisters, have a silence bro/sis, pack or oath of silence, when it comes to doing adventurous, feats, on danger and thrill seeking, because when certain, conversations, turn, touching on, the incident, of what Elliot, the baby, and most protected, did on his, nationwide, rock tour, with God's Revolver, back in 2007, or 2008, someone blurted out, something about an 80 foot cliff, Elliot, drinking whiskey, sunshine held together with a bit too much water, and diving or jumping, into a river or lake of unknown, depths? All the sudden, as if the four children of mine, remembered mom was in the room, they all went dead silent, and stopped talking. I had long warned them, that I didn't want to know, all the stupid stuff they did, while growing up, until they got to the ripe old age of 40 years old, and they had all turned out well . . . Greta is there, never thought, they would actually get that old! LOL! That makes me ancient! LOL! But, my kids seemed to take that to heart, and retain their oaths of silence, sometimes, hinting, that, you can act like this now, Nicole, but we all remember what you were like, then silence! LOL! Thank God there were no tragedies!
Someone said, with a girl, you worry about, all their emotional stuff, the ups and downs, their interpersonal relations, their self image, being popular, wearing the right clothes, or having the right friends, or friends at all . . . with the boys, you worry about, them staying alive! I find a lot of truth in both of those statements. My boys have aches and pains, from skateboard injuries, they never told their parents, both with great insurance ALL their lives, letting us know, as they are hobbling out of the Grand Canyon with a cane! way too young for that walking ad.
I Liked the Father's Stern Control, Yet, Combined that With Total Freedom
Remember the scene, where the oldest son was being trained by his father to write, and he corrected, him, over and over again, marking up his papers, with that red ink, that feels, like red blood spilled all over your work of art, and telling his son, that the challenge is to say is briefly, that the art of writing is in its brevity, not my strong suit; however, once the boy had mastered the task, and written a paper worthy of his father's approval, he was turned loose, to fish run the hills, mountains, and rivers, given total freedom, to explore, discover, learn, about the river through his own experiences . . . in this day and age of helicopter parents, hovering over their children, 24/7, never giving them any space, to grow, and be on their own, always being this looming presence in their lives, they deny them, their own, lessons, development of their personal philosophies and ideologies, that come from nature, and from city living, or interactions with their fellow beings. I was often, critiqued as being too lenient or giving my kids too much freedom, even doing so with the people I managed at the Utah Attorney Generals Office, but in reality, they were held responsible, for their successes and their failures, it is my kids lives, their choices, their goals and dreams, they are not me . . . I can perfectly love them, and not understand them, or understand them, and let them go, be, at the end of the day, just exactly who they are, and that is a beautiful thing! They are good kids! And that to me, is most important.
They say, that a child's play is there work. So, kids need to have free, unstructured time, to just be themselves, in their own, little worlds, interacting with siblings, friends, free time, and to think, dream and determine who exactly, they want to be. I remember, Greta coming to me, in high school, as a junior, and asking me to take her to Utah State University, to check out, being or going in to natural resource management, or something to do with nature, so I did, never did I dream, that, she would follow that self, chosen path, straight through, going in the military for four years, re-upping, and, now having worked for the Forest Service, the BLM, the Division of Natural Resource Management, being a wild lands firefighter, then dispatch for firefighters, and dealing with all aspects of land management. She was twice accepted to the University of Montana, law school, but family complications have deterred that for a while, she is now, wondering, if the law is for her or, if all the new rage in firefighting, and climate change, seeing the fire seasons are affected by, hotter weather, she might go into some policy wonk, dealing with that new area of study, setting rules and policies, and she, being my daughter, is already, somewhat versed in the area of law, dealing with land issues, involving the Constitution and applicable sections, dealing with state and federal government interplay, and competition, and she was bored with the class she attended, at the law school, because with a master's degree, she already knew most of what they were teaching, maybe in more detail, lawyers have a ton of knowledge, but only an inch deep, they say the smartest day of an attorney's life is the day they take the bar exam! It is all down hill from there! LOL, no, you just get deeper into your areas of interest and the other 22 legal subject areas, start to fade, until you need them again!
I Love the Way the Father, Let the Boys Fish Where They Wanted, Loved the Freedom Both Parents Allowed, Not Putting Pressure on them to Come Home, or for Holidays, Understanding They Were Perfectly Loved, Regardless of Where They Were, As Were the Parents
I think the movie, based on a true story and a real family, is a great, model for parenting. The last time, the boys and the father went fishing with each other, the father wanted to take the high road, to a fishing hole, he could manage to walk to, saying the one they wanted to go to, was for years passed, meaning without acting old and decrepit, that, in old age, one is not, as agile and able to manage the steep, inclines and declines to get where the boys wanted to fish. Dad, just smiled, not a slight, that he took off, on the upper trail to the place he felt, safe and comfortable going to, while allowing the boys, their time together, with, on getting the fish from the side of the river, while Pauly, went after a huge ass fish, that left me wondering if he was going to make to come out of the river alive, let alone with a fish! This is when, the father and the older brother, never, competing, yet, always somewhat competitive, all shared in the glory of the youngest son's art and catch! there is no room, no need for jealousy, envy, only support and good sport, in a family, with everyone, able to express and display their individual talents, while close, like in journalism, and teaching writing, both in the field of literature and English, using the skills they, had learned from their father, they were different, but somehow the same, but both valued for their contributions to the world, society, and a university, all honored for their good!
The mother, very traditional, as women were in those days, was always happy to see her sons, never pressured or made them feel guilty, for the lack of time with them, or between visits, and loved to cook for them, and dot over them, when they did actually come home. That family time was always enjoyed and cherished. Both sons, were completely and utterly loved, for who they were, never judged, but with family, always there to help them out when they needed it, even there, to identify a loved brother's body, when he was beaten to death. Paul, lived his life, like a candle in the wind, wild, free, like the rivers he fished. I remember the father, teaching his sons, that, there are no short cuts to doing fly fishing right, that, if an inexperienced fly fisher, was to accidently catch a fish, it was an insult to the fish! I love that! Good things happen, every once in a while, but for excellent things to happen all the time, that takes someone perfecting their art, be it, fly fishing, writing, preaching, or the law. This man was a fine man, steady, constant, worthy, and so was the mother, and that, makes great kids, even, if, their son's life was cut short, he lived in full, fun, alive, crazy, thought he was tougher than everyone, which is ultimately what did him in, but he was happy and beautiful, and isn't that ultimately what parents should want for their children?
Finding Heaven On Earth . . . When Paul (Pitt) is Given the Chance to Leave Missoula, Helena, or Montana, and Go With His Brother to Chicago, He Said, "I Will Never Leave Montana!"
When I have read, the Book of John the Revelator, in the New Testament, and he tells of the world, after it had been celestialized or purified, after Christ comes back, and he describes what is to be beautiful, and he said there would be seas of glass, and buildings of gold, and I always, think, to me, that I is not beautiful, the Trump Towers, Dubia, glass buildings, no, that is not better, that can't beat, the mountain grandeur, the raging rivers, the pines, tamaracks, quacking aspen, the snow, the blue skies, the meadows, wildflowers, never. I remember coming to Montana, and going back and forth, almost weekly, having a hard time deciding whether to stay in Utah or come to Montana, sometimes stopping in Idaho, to make up my mind, while, I was finishing my law practice in Utah, and like most single females, with each song, has a memory, factoring men, into the equation, with four on my mind, some that want to hold me, some that say they are a friend of mine, and others, wanting to scold me, Desperado, you better tear down those fences and let somebody love you . . . but, in my travels, back when I had my truck, that the sheriffs stole, later, my car, soon to be blown up with a pipe bomb, but in those few months of free travel, going everywhere, taking the Montana, motto, Get Lost in Montana to heart, exploring freely, and thinking about guys I liked in Utah, and if I should stay for them, NA, kind of was the answer, but, twice right in a row, there were these Montana brand trailers, and it was as if, God was saying, don't make your decisions on the frailties of men, with their passions coming and going, put your love in Montana, the state, it will not let you down.
At the time, I thought, politically, Constitutionally, which has not proven to be the case, being just as fucked up and partial, to the love of money, siding with the distributers of money, rather than the one making the money, vying for and willing to serve, 24/7, the criminals, just like Utah, all for the filthy lucre of ill gotten gain. However, as I watched the movie, basked in the river scenery, the mountains, the wild, the flavor of Montana, knowing, it is not, the politics, nor the Constitution, that, keeps me here, but, the wildness, the beauty of it all, the magic, in very drive around a corner in the road, even on a bus, just to Bonner, seeing I have been denied my liberty, through stopping me have a car, when I used to put, 70,000 miles per year on my vehicles, having 3 news cars, in 5 years, driving matters, but, for now, when bombs and death, are a daily reality, with me, a trail just this morning, two sting op yesterday, I can still find heaven on earth, just in a ride to Bonner, up Rattlesnake Canyon, or even a walk along the Clark Fork River. I am right there with Brad Pitt, or Pau. I will never leave Montana, and that causes problems for some, who have tried to drive me away, last week, I even considered going back to Utah, that has some amazing scenery too, but seeing the movie, my heart, just loves the alpine scenery, the cool of a forest, the rush of a river . . . Greta and Dallas, love the red rocks, the desert, and I do, too, but, I prefer the green the lush, the quiet, the coolness, of the mountains, I was going to write this raging blog, but after just watching the movie, my heart was stilled, my mood mellowed, and for some reason, nothing seemed to matter, all was good with my world . . . I have found heaven on earth!
Right This Minute . . . I Will Never Leave Montana!
Sorry.
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