Saturday, November 1, 2014

IT HURTS TO BE BEAUTIFUL: SO HOT IT WILL MAKE YOUR COFFEE COLD (TacoJohns); DANGEROUS LIAISONS, AFFAIRS, RELATIONS . . . THERE IT THIS REALM OF RELATIONSHIPS, GENERALLY SEXUALLY CHARGED, CHEMICALLY IMBALANCED, OBSESSIVE IN NATURE, WITH BOTH THE OBSESSED AND THE OBJECT OF THE OBSESSION, NOT UNDERSTANDING THE DYNAMICS, THAT TENDS TO START WITH THE OBSESSION, WHICH LEADS TO REJECTION, THAT GOES TO STALKING, ENTERS THE REVENGE STAGE AND ENDS UP ESCALATING UP TO AND INCLUDING DEATH! I LUCKED OUT, WITH THE FIRST OBSESSED GUY, WHO ENDED UP GOING TO PRISON FOR 18 MONTHS, BUT I HAVEN'T BEEN SO LUCKY SENSE THEN, AND DEALING WITH MEN MORE SOPHISTICATED, CONNECTED, POWERFUL, USE A SYSTEM TO ABUSE, AND ARE MORE RELENTLESS! TWO FREE YOUTUBE MOVIES BROUGHT OUT SOME ELEMENTS THAT I RECOGNIZED IMMEDIATELY AS HAVING HAPPENED TO ME, AND WANT TO PLUG THESE INTO SOME OF THE THINGS I HAVE ALREADY WRITTEN, IN HOPES THAT SOMEONE, YOURSELF, SOMEONE YOU LOVE, OR YOUR DAUGHTER, EVEN YOUR SON, MIGHT HAVE A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT IS HAPPENING, FROM EITHER END OF THIS PASSIONATE ROLLER COASTER . . .

Don't Hate Me Because I Am Beautiful

My third husband, picked me up, outside of Albertsons Food Store, in Logan, Utah . . . and yes, he was beautiful, and I was vulnerable, at the time.  I still thought that I was going to die, so caution went to the wind, and I needed to find a place to live, which came into play also.  Brett, tall, dark and handsome, said hello to me, while I was standing up against the wall, drinking, of course, a Diet Coke.  I didn't think much of it, until he came back out and started up a conversation with me, again, and he told me of a project he was working on, dealing with, non-violent communications, working with kids, and I told him that I too had been involved in a sort of related field, up at the Utah Attorney Generals Office, back when I was practicing law, touching on non-violent communications through my work with domestic and dating violence, anger management, child and elder abuse programs, and all the tangential factors that, like an octopus, start in the center, or in the head, and branch out, into every segment of society, through the arms, and suck relationships dry, went violent communication starts, and with the suction cups, or tentacles of violence reaching into our schools, the workplace, on our roads, in our communities, etc.  So, we hit it off on an intellectual level right off the git-go.

As is typical with most obsessive relationships, there is an immediate attraction, physical connection, generally, but not always, involving sex, which was the case with us, a fast commitment, marriage, then comes the isolation, the power and control, the various forms of abuse, not necessarily physical, but emotional, mental, financial, spiritual, and may come in many forms, kinds and flavors, some that most of us would not even recognize, and many might consider it just another condition of the evidence that this person loves you, and some may even be jealous, because a woman's number one want is to be desired; therefore, an obsessed guy, who won't let the woman, with more obsessed relationships being this pattern, feels, loved, desired, protected, pampered, sexually desirable, passionately craved for, and there is this complete, engulfing, surrounding, all powerful attraction, that masks itself as love, but it is far from that . . . as seen in the three movies I watched last night, way into the night, wanting to understand, not only past relationships, but current, even unseen, relationships, that while not in each other's presence, is an obsessive relationship, none the less.

I think these are the names of the ones, that show the terror, the trauma, the stalking, the involvement of people trying to protect the one who is the object of the obsession, from the obsessed, who will stop and nothing short of destroying this person, who has hurt them so much, even though, it was the actions of the obsessed person, who drove away the object, and who actually started out, really loving the obsessed person . . . and now that I think about it, the object of the obsession, takes on the characteristics of being an object of desire for the obsessed, who has objectified the woman and now, she is not a loved person, but she is property, the man feels that he owns her, nobody else as a right to her, and any rival, will be driven from her life, and death is a total reality . . . 

High Profile Cases, Oscar Pistorius & O.J. Simpon

By way of high profile example: Olympic Champion runner, Oscar Pistorius, who was just sentenced in South Africa for shooting his girlfriend, model and attorney, also, was noted for speaking against domestic violence, just days before the alleged accident, when boyfriend, claimed that he was asleep, and girlfriend in the bathroom, thinking, it was robbers, in this high crime country, he shot through the bathroom doors, not noticing a nice, hot, warm body, that was next to him, had left to go to the bathroom . . . come on!  Not to to mention the fact that he had to be cognitive enough to get up and put his legs on, to get to the bathroom, to shoot his girlfriend!  And then you all know of O.J. Simpson, If I can't have you, no one can!  Divorce, make not difference to men who see their obsession as property, with them entitled to everything, including their lives, if necessary to keep control on them!

The Really Scary Stories Deal With the Revenge Stage, Which Involves Punishment 

I can't remember the first one, but it is the Teresa something story, this is why I have to take notes!  If you go into true crimes movies on YouTube, this genre of movies, dealing with stalking, domestic violence, obsession, will all come up together, in kind of a smorgasbord of choices, once you get into one of them, so if you can find one of these, you will find the others.  Okay, I know, the one, that I related to the most, and reminded me the most of Brett, and gave some really good psychological and telling information, was called, A Dangerous Affair, with a psychologist in the movie, telling the victim, about what was happening to her.

I recognized what the therapist was telling the victim, who was so confused, only dating this man, who happened to be as charming, handsome, with a body very similar, charisma, but nuts, that I knew, but hadn't thought of since I wrote the cop part of the domestic violence manual, dealing with stalking, or consciously factored into my current situation, and that is the revenge stage, where I realized I was, in this relationship of ghosts, spooks, spies, agents, their allies, that has stolen everything from me, including my children and grandchildren, three men have been murdered, who dared like me, one being murdered September 1, 2014, so fresh, and something I thought would never happen again, although, I feared it might, but the attraction, had not ever gone to any physical contact, but it was very definitely there.

Love Transformed to Hate . . . You Have Given Me Scars So Deep, They Will Never Heal

There seems to be no limit to the revenge, retaliation and retribution, of these, now collective body of powerful men, very much, taking on a fascist element of do whatever it takes, with no exceptions and no limits . . . there is nothing too sacred, so as not to be considered fair game . . . all property taken, all claim to my life's work, destruction of all relationships, isolating me more and more, going after friends who would help, plus controlling and watching all means of travel, escape, and public transportation, being continually eliminated, like a boxing in . . . with the punishment for causing him/them pain by leaving him/them, and their pursuit has escalated from jail, to death . . . a symbolic word, I forgot to mention, yesterday, that came up in the Flathead Beacon, was "Diegel" . . . that was some one's last name, but after the "tikrit" with law enforcement complication involved in the obsession, stemming from long before I even met Brett, Frank, Michael, Tony, and in retrospect, even Jerry, all with law enforcement connections, and federal, if I have guessed right, so jail has been a reality, and this time, with the Shelby, surveillance, tracking, stalking and stake out, the retaliation, will not only include jail, which has happened twice, unconstitutionally, and with no charges, the obsession has escalated to death . . . die jail or once they get me in jail, I will be murdered!

In the movie, A Dangerous Affair, a former cop, turned private investigator, offers his services, to the professional woman, who is hiding from this obsessed lover, and he is cocky and confident, that he can handle the obsessed idiot, who, then turns around and frames the PI, knowing that he likes the woman, so he the old flame, fuels the fire for the new, one, knowing full well, he will take the bait, goes to the restaurant, that the pair, newly attracted to each other are at, in a place that they don't expect Mr. Obsession to show up at, and when the old lover, of only three weeks, it can only take an introduction or not even that, shows up at the dinner, unexpectedly, without warning, offering, what appears to be a ring box, the new guy goes ape shit, and punches out the other, obsessed crafty, rival, while he smiles on the floor, after calling the cops . . . he does this several times, just baiting and lying to the cops, neutralizing the guardian, and now love interest, leaving the woman, or object of this other guys affection, alone, and vulnerable . . . she takes matters in her hands, and finally tricks him, runs from him, is forced into a self defense situation, and shoots the asshole, and kills him . . . often, it gets to that point, sadly.

Obsessed Spies, With Satellite Access, Don't Make Fun Ex-Boyfriends or Husbands

Before this point, when the private investigator, a cool guy, who kind of just volunteers his services, later in more than one way, and the woman, are out on the town, with the stalker watching, and following them, there is a street sign, that read, Arizona, which has significance to me, knowing that I am being watched, as if my imaginary boyfriend, and a sign for a great escape for me, is a red, older Jeep . . . with that driving down the street, about the time the obsessed guy gets shot.  And on the door of one of the movies, is the word, Beacon, which had the words, tikrit and diegel . . . indicating to me, that there was another great escape, and the outcome of this capture would, most likely have been fatal!

Sad to say, I found, that the only way, that I could get an obsessed lover under control, is to not reject them . . . taking the source of the fuel out of the fire . . . there is something deep seeded in this type of relationship, an abandonment issue with a mother, former high school love, something unique to just this couple, the guy has often had normal relationships before, or maybe has just not been rejected.  But the only time this guy, drops his relentless pursuit of this woman, a professional woman, much like myself, who sees few men, she actually likes, or respects, preferring to remain single, or in may case, basically single, but for some circumstances beyond my control, but related, like being poisoned, cut up, forced homelessness, or whatever, and every once in a while, I think it sounds good to have someone to watch the sunset with, or make love to, or go for a ride, and do more than listen to music, in the beautiful fall afternoons in the mountains, or someone I just want, which is rare than to just look at as eye candy . . . so, rejection, just comes with the territory, and throws a lot of guys, who are basically pursued by other women, equally as attractive, but not as much of a challenge; therefore, the high octane is missing, but hard as it is, the woman, at least has to fake it long enough, to make the guy chill out, so she can get control of the situation . . . and as this and the other stories, show, these guys are smart, often elude the cops, can follow to other states, and in may situation, have surveillance tools, buddies in the local, state, and national battering system, even on the bully pulpit, or the bench as in the case with judges, with access to phones, computers, etc., so as to never lose contact, mine appears to be 24/7, with someone asking me yesterday, as before, if I think that I have a chip in me . . . I saw the word, Doodlebugged . . . that may lightly describe what I think happened with my third husband!

There is a guy, mentioned on the cover of the Daily Inter Lake, a Montana Highway Trooper, who has the name, Rick Mehring . . . Me Hell Ring!  LOL!  Let's assume the guy, I like, were to like me back, and it went to the point of marriage, which, he is one in 40,000, of course that is including women, in the population, but a rare breed, of man, that I would actually like to get to know, and let's say, he was a cop, with what I have written, given, the cops, universal, hard on for me, just to get rid of me, any guy, even entertaining, getting to know me, let alone, marry me, would definitely feel like this, sorry, just the way, my symbolically wired, brainiac, cranium on steroids works!  Some guys reading this is going to say, oh, hell NO ring . . . and if he is a cop, fuck NO, no ring!  LOL!  Like my son said, Mom, you just are not marriageable material, my daughter has agreed in that conclusion, after watching me over the years, and I am coming to the idea, not a new one, that I am pretty damn happy single, and that is a good thing, because, any man dealing with me, enters at his own risk, I can't recommend it in good conscience, whether I want to or not!  I consider this fair warning, as if, he doesn't see the signs already, this is not, no ordinary girl!  LOL!

The Irony of the Men I Am Dealing With, I They are the Ones, Who Would Say . . . Don't Hate Me Because I Am Beautiful!

This is an interesting and very bizarre twist, in the dynamics of this game of power couple matching, that the guys, FBI, CIA, Interpol, and others have started, is that, I truly believe that many of these guys, who are now getting older, probably fell in love with me, back in about 1997, starting with asset forfeiture, a huge power stroke, giving a blow, in 27 states, to guys, who are fucking into power . . . and I was 140 lbs., sexy, smart, dressed like dynamite, great hair, make-up, and totally into protecting the U.S. and state constitutions, which, newsflash was my power!  When you are dealing in the world of law, there are more weighty laws than others, all are not created equal; therefore, when, always siding with the supreme law of the land . . . in this game of kings and queens, I fucking, ALWAYS WIN!  Or you should!  They are emissaries and believers in an inferior, if not totally unconstitutional law, the Patriot Act, that violates the letter and spirit of the Constitution, and it totally repugnant, therefore, it is void as a matter of law, it should be automatically be done away with!  

You lose as a matter of law!  So, there is a complete bludgeoning, that happens, on top of the love gone bad, the increase in weight, which they hate, but they keep trying to make me jealous, with other women, who they could never be obsessed over, because, lesser women than me, are enamored by these powerful men, feel lucky to be hanging with them, when I am a totally different story, I have beaten them, challenged them, have risen to the top of every segment of law, or related fields, and I can still, bloody their fucking faces, because, they fail, to see that I am not doing what I do, for sex, for love, for honor, prestige, money, but I am doing it, just because, that is what I took and oath to do, and I believe it is the saving grace of this country!  They just don't get my motives, because theirs are disingenuous, and my motives are pure! 

So, the very thing, that might attract me to them, having been matched by the FBI Dating Service, is that they tend to attract, match, meet, insight love, respect, admiration even, for accomplishments, education, work experience, but when push comes to shove, the internal guts of the love is hollow, because, while like is attracted to like, there is an underlying repulsion, because, they believe in fascism, power, control, abuse, no rights, and I believe in freedom, liberty, and rights . . . at the very most base level, we are polar opposites with eventual outcome and goals, being light years apart, and that will eventually play out, making me an enemy, and the reverse, true also, the the end games could not be further apart . . . and it is a zero sum game.  Therefore, looks, degrees, pedigrees, power, money, property, all the things that float these other females money digging boats, does absolutely nothing for me . . . the rejection enters, and game on . . . with fucking huge stakes, like a war between two visions of American, BEARCATS or MWraps anyone?

So, with a trophy husband(s), who all the women want, rejection from a lesser version of me, than back in 1997 to 2000, is particularly painful . . . I beat their politics, their minds, their hearts, and their souls, because they sold out their oaths, and I never did, never will . . . these men, brag about the number of women they have fucked, and the number of women who have fucked them, is a big fat zero, until they meet the likes of me, who is driven by principles, concepts, constitutions, and I will admit power, where we all hook up, and that is far superior to penises, pussies, and perks!  I always beat them down the stretch, because, I always take the high road, and they, know it.  Nothing hurts more than someone you have known about, get a chance to be with, even being extremely attracted, with sex always on the table of possibilities, but being rejected, due to fundamental differences, in beliefs, destroying, what on the surface, for all intents and purposes, should be a rockin' relationship, the new power couple!

Macro-cosmic Relationships--With Massive Ramifications

Now, most women, will deal with a single man, involving maybe a community of first responders, who are trained to deal with obsession, rejection, stalking, escalation, punishment, and revenge . . . but few understand or get the scope of what I am dealing with, nor the ramifications, the eventual outcomes, the stakes, the egos, the hubris, the far reaching effects of this, seemingly inconsequential relationship, of this, basically homeless woman, without money for a Diet Coke, today, basically, just trying to stay alive, while she is striving to save the country!  And the ambitions are even more far reaching than that, save the world, which I listed on my resume, under personal interests, when applying for the staff attorney position, with the Utah Prosecution Counsel, Criminal Enforcement Division, dropping my ass, right in the middle of the power players of the state of Utah, that is connected into the power brokers in Washington, D.C., through Mormon Church connections, and infiltration by the Mormon Mafia.

If, the Department of Justice, were to file a RICO charge or lawsuit, against my enemies, the association, which is a necessary element of the mob type crimes, or patterns of criminal activities, racketeering, money laundering, conversion of property . . . has been carried out, they would have to sue the Mormon Church!  Not those good people, the great neighbors, with the amazing families, like Dick and Helen or Jean Southwick, certainly not, with Sue and Kev on missions, over 150 extended family members, pillars of society, except that JoAnn . . . just the one, who put the family on the radar screen, in oh, so many ways, with two jealous parents, and 7 envious siblings, no, it can't be . . . well she is homeless, was suppose to die, has been to the behavioral health units, doesn't have a license, doesn't even have a car . . . what's up with that, all part of the punishment and revenge, not only of obsessed men, but an obsessed family, with many of the same stages of this type relationship.  

Mormons, Republicans, one world order freaks, the love of war and military complexes, big business, the us vs. them mentality, the 47%, Mitt's thoughts are the thoughts of the whole fucking Mormon Church . . . I know with Brett, and many of the men in the movies last night, they were abused as children, well the Mormon Church, symbolically, was an abused church, with extermination orders from Governor Boggs, of either Missouri or Illinois, can't remember, the death of a tragic hero, first prophet, Joseph Smith, the fight with the United States, which is still raging, wanting a theocracy, not a indirect democracy, with not separation of church and state, the power hunger, abused men, can exert their wishes, their sex drives, and unlimited passions, in unlimited sex, through polygamy, which fuels the fires of extremism, for in the current Mormon doctrine, woman are destroyed, if they will not go along with polygamy and 10 other virgins, and they are the entity to bear the vessels of the children of men!  

Going right along with the war on women, the fight over the reproductive rights of women, the killing of abortion, the curtailment of birth control, the backlash against feminism, that the propogation of the male seed, is all powerful, filling the man's quiver with arrows, or symbolic of children, it feeds into both sexism and racism, it is the white females, who get abortions, some minorities, who have been held down, can't afford them, and thus, the illegal aliens, are taking over the nation, soon, the white male patriarchal system that came over with the Mayflower, and those puritans, with women, subject to men, if going down the tubes, new demographics are encroaching on this nation, they are changing the vote, the power is shifting, the young millenniums, don't buy all this bull shit, and thank God for students, like those who protested in Egypt, in Hong Kong, in Bozeman, Montana, raging against the war machines that are rolling out on the streets of America . . .

This is a Family Feud, that is Playing Out on a World Screen

This is a battle of ideologies, of religion, of politics, of monumental proportions, a battle for the hearts and minds, not only of Americans, but of the world citizens, freedom vs. tyranny!  My name has been synonymous, with the United States Constitution, and state constitutions, for 20 years, even before that, from 1990/91, when, I scored the highest, as far as I know of the 180 BYU law students, who had the eye of the government, with Mormons taking over the intelligence communities, government agencies, the military, and possibly with a plan hatched, now that I mention it with key players, like Senator Orin Hatch, working from behind the scenes to further the Mormon agenda, that blends so nicely with the Bush agenda, the Skull & Bones agenda, the agenda of Wall Street, with the world banking headquarters in London, the Brits, the Germans, who claim the war was never lost . . . Hitler, may have lost, but the war is not over, the war for world domination, making America, a third world, country, therefore, controllable, as never before, bringing it down to the level of prosperity of the rest of the world, or just becoming an average country, which has never been the case, from its inception with, even Mormon scripture, stating that the Constitution, that many believe to be inspired by God, even Mormons, who seem so at odds with me, therefore, at odds with the Constitution, believe, that it is also, for all mankind!

Now, if this were the case, with a focus on the ideals of the Constitution and America, I would, totally be on board, but they, the male contingency, or the good ole' boy system, or the patriarchy, are not mature enough, nor secure enough, to deal with a woman like me, nor a fat woman, who beat the living hell out them and their fucked up policies and politics, preferring women, like Sarah Palin, Michelle Bachman, or Rachel Soutwick Hickey-Mooseman, aka, Joann Secrist, intended to be confused with JoAnn S. Secrist, or even be her, in the minds of the Republicans, Mormons, Mittites, who are really right in line with, Muslims, because, they both want, will die, and would strap a bomb to themselves, either literally or figuratively, to get that pussy!  Or those 10 to 70 promised wives, which, God hated starting with Sarah, the wife of Abraham, the source of discord between Israel and Palestine, finding David and Solomon, in Mormon scripture, having wives and concubines, and abomination . . . don't know how the book that allegedly will get you closer to God than any other book, just misses that point with the men and the stupid women, who are their own worst enemies!

Just remember, it is a universal, male attribute, to always want the female you can't get . . . case in point, King David, still wanted, lusted after, and had, Bathsheba, after seeing her taking a bath, this is the fallen male condition, get over it!  No, men, who are this mindset, fucking and literally, while attracted, hate women like me!

GET OVER IT!

P.S., Talk about obsession, there is this young, very young guy, sitting in the booth across the room, in McDonald's, who doesn't have any food, has been sitting there for at least an hour, totally staring at me, and almost unabashedly doesn't look away . . . he is watching me type this, and my thoughts go to the fact that he is either a confidential informant for the cops, who are pissed about me exposing the lack of reason for a BearCat or MWrap, especially, with a daily written report, on the types of crimes, that we have around here, with little explanation, for just how to deploy the armored vehicle, and under what circumstances, would justify, this military presence on the streets of Kalispell, or surrounding areas, or the kid is just obsessed!  I have caught him looking at me, non-stop . . . so what is up, like I am old enough to be his mother and then some!  Whatever . . . fact is stranger than fiction!

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