POLYGAMY PORTER. COWBOYS. SHOWGIRL. BLACKCODE PRODUCTIONS. HITCHCOCK'S "FRENZY!" LASTING FRAGRANCE STAYS BEHIND. HE WAS GOOD AT MURDER. G.FOX. HOWITZERSHELL? DODGE MAGNUM. SIMPLY RED. TOTAL DISBELIEF. COULD HAVE BEEN THE GUY OR GAL NEXT DOOR. WARTHUNDER. BOUND TO DIE. MOJO. SIGNATURE CRIMES. ELLIS UNIT 1, TEXAS CORRECTIONAL FACILITY. BORN TO KILL? POSTER CHILD OF SERIAL KILLERS. MURDER BY OCCUPATION. FAMILY PLOTS. PROTECT HIM FOR THE SAKE OF JUSTICE. WALTER HEESCH. LORI BIBLE. HUMILIATE VICTIMS. GREW TO HATE WOMEN. TIRE IMPRESSIONS. BIG DADDY'S. COLD BLOODED KILLER. NO REMORSE. NO EMOTIONS. NO REGRETS. FANTASIES OF KILLING WOMEN, SEEING THEM AS NOTHING MORE THAN OBJECTS WITH NO FAMILIES, NO CAREERS, JUST OBJECTS FOR SEXUAL PLEASURE OR PAIN TO BE ABUSED, BEATEN AND TORTURED, START, 20 YEARS EARLIER WITH PORN AND YOUTH. LATER ACT OUT THEIR PSYCHO FANTASIES ON REAL WOMEN. KILLING WOMEN IS THEIR DRUG OF CHOICE. LIKE ADDICTIONS OF ANY KIND, TO ALCOHOL OR METH OR ANY DRUG, KILLING WOMEN BECOMES THEIR PASSION! BREAKTHROUGH. FREE AGAIN TO KILL! YOU DON'T WANT TO WATCH HOW SERIAL KILLERS ARE MADE . . . GENERALLY ABUSED AS CHILDREN, EITHER PHYSICALLY, EMOTIONALLY, SEXUALLY OR PSYCHOLOGICALLY. MOST TEND TO HAVE SOME TYPE OF HEAD TRAUMA THEY EXPERIENCED SOMEWHERE IN LIFE, YOUNG OR OLDER. EVIDENCE OF A PROPENSITY TO BEING BORN A KILLER IS CRUELTY TO ANIMALS. PSYCHOPATHS HAVE NO EMPATHY FOR THEIR VICTIMS. SADISTS ARE TO BE DISTINGUISHED, BECAUSE THEY CARE ABOUT YOU HAVING PAIN, BUT THAT IS BECAUSE IT BRINGS THEM PLEASURE! WHY DID SHE GET AWAY? WHAT MADE HER DIFFERENT THAT ALL THE OTHER GIRLS? WHAT TRIGGERED THE RABID ANIMAL. HE COULD BE GENTLE AND KIND ONE MINUTE AND LIKE A RAGING BULL THE NEXT. POWER & CONTROL ARE ALWAYS PART OF THE FANTASIES. MOST OF THESE MEN, FEEL THAT WOMEN ARE THE ONE AREA THEY CAN CONTROL BECAUSE, EITHER THEY ARE PAYING FOR SEX, OR THEY HAVE PUT THE WOMEN IN A COMPROMISING DANGEROUS SITUATION, ISOLATED AREA, WITH LITTLE CHANCE OF GETTING AWAY. PARENTS CAN RANGE FROM A PISTOL PACKING MAMA, TO BIBLE THUMPING CHURCH LADY, TO HIGH ACHIEVING FATHER, DISAPPOINTED IN HIS LACKLUSTER SON WITH MINIMAL ACHIEVEMENTS. SOME HAVE AN INSATIABLE SEXUAL APPETITE RANGING FROM DEMANDING SEX FROM A SPOUSE TO MASTURBATION. SERIAL KILLERS WILL START THEN STOP WHEN SOMEONE COMES IN THEIR LIVES THAT, SATISFIES, THEIR SEXUAL FANTASIES, APPETITE AND ELIMINATES THE NEED TO SELF-STIMULATE. VERY UNHAPPY LITTLE BOY. MOTHERS NEED TO BE SEEN BY THEIR MALE CHILDREN AS ASEXUAL BEINGS. IF THE MOTHER IS SEEN AS OTHERWISE, THE SON EXPERIENCES ANGER AND FRUSTRATION. SERIAL KILLERS HAVE A TWISTED SENSE OF SEX, ADDING VIOLENCE, PAIN, ANGER, TORTURE AND DEATH TO THE MIX! NOT NORMAL. SERIOUSLY SICK. HAS TO SEE THE DAMAGE. COLD BLOODED. COLD HEARTED. COLD TO THE END. ONLY EMOTION HE EVER SHOWED WAS AT THE MOMENT HE WAS STRAPPED IN THE GURNEY TO BE INJECTED FOR EXECUTION. THE BROOMSTICK KILLER. KENNETH MCDUFF. HIS DEATH WAS NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT HE PUT HIS VICTIMS THROUGH--ALL HE HAD TO DO WAS GO TO SLEEP. MCDUFF FOUND A BUDDY ONE NIGHT. DROVE UP ON TWO GUYS AND A GIRL. SHOT THE BOYS POINT BLANK, PUT THEM IN THE TRUNK OF THEIR CAR. TOOK THE GIRL TO A SECLUDED PLACE AND RAPED HER IN EVERY PART OF HER BODY, HER SCREAMS WERE SO LOAD, THAT, THE BUDDY HAD TO COVER HIS EARS . . . THEN HE BURNED HER, AND CHOKED HER FOR 20 MINUTES WITH THE BROOMSTICK. TEXAS PRISON AND JAIL SYSTEMS WERE TOO FULL, SO, THE AUTHORITIES STARTED TO LET PEOPLE OUT OF JAILS AND PRISONS. THEY STARTED WITH NON-VIOLENT OFFENDERS, MOVED TO LESS SEVERAL VIOLENT OFFERS TO MEET A NUMBERS QUOTA, AND FINALLY HIT THE VIOLENT OFFENDERS. MCDUFF WAS ONE OF THEM. I BELIEVE IT WAS WITHIN 4 DAYS HE STARTED KILLING AGAIN! AFTER THEY RECAPTURED HIM,, FROM A KILLING SPREE, HORRENDOUS AND AN EXTREMELY DANGEROUS M: THE LEGISLATURE PASSED ALL KINDS OF NEW LAWS, CALLED THE MCDUFF LAWS: (1) THIS WAS EARLY 90'S WHEN I WAS A STAFF ATTORNEY FOR THE UTAH PROSECUTION COUNCIL, CRIMINAL ENFORCEMENT DIVISION, OF THE UTAH ATTORNEY GENERALS OFFICE, AND WE FELT THE AFTERSHOCKS OF THIS MAN AND THE CHANGES IN TEXAS AFTER THIS MAN WAS CAUGHT AND EXECUTED! THE STATE BUILT MORE JAILS AND PRISONS, SOME SAY TEXAS HAD THE BEST PRISON SYSTEM IN THE WORLD; (2) THE TOLERANCE LEVEL FOR MURDER DROPPED TO ZERO TOLERANCE: (3) SOME OF THE BODIES OF THE VICTIMS WERE NEVER FOUND BECAUSE HE REFUSED TO ADMIT THAT HE KILLED THE WOMEN, THEY KNEW HE KILLED; (4) MCDUFF WAS LIKE AN EVIL EARTHQUAKE THAT HIT TEXAS AND THE REST OF THE COUNTRY, REVAMPING THE PRISON AND PAROLE SYSTEM TO DEAL WITH KILLERS LIKE THIS MAN; (5) SOME MEMBERS OF LAW ENFORCEMENT REMARKED, THAT IT WAS INTERESTING TO FIND THAT SO MUCH GOOD CAME OUT OF SOMEONE AND SOMETHING SO BAD! AT TIMES WE CREATE RAGING MONSTERS IN SOCIETY. WE NEED TO IDENTIFY THEM EARLY BEFORE THE FANTASIES BECOME A REALITY AND THEY BEGIN TO START ACTING THEM OUT! ONE OF THE KEYS, THAT FORENSIC PSYCHOLOGISTS HAVE FOUND, AS A COMMON LINK BETWEEN FANTASIES AND SERIAL KILLERS ACTING THOSE FANTASIES OUT 20 YEARS LATER, IS PORNOGRAPHY! IF PORN IS THE HARDEST ADDICTION TO STOP, THEN WE ARE JUST ASKING FOR TROUBLE! PORN USED TO BE AN ATTRACTIVE ADD, CENTERFOLD, IN PLAYBOY. WITH PORN STARS, PRACTICING SAFE SEX, DONE IN A TASTEFUL AND GRACEFUL, BUT STIMULATING WAY! THAT IS NOT LONGER THE CASE! THE AVERAGE AGE OF A PORN STAR USED TO BE 23 TO 26, NOW IT IS 19! WOMEN AND MEN ARE MARKETED AS COMMODITIES! THE MALE PORN STARS ARE NOT AS LUCRATIVE AS THE FEMALE PORN STARS, FOR OBVIOUS PHYSICAL LIMITATIONS! HOW LONG CAN A GUY STAY JACKED UP? MALE STARS TAKE VARIOUS THINGS TO INCREASE THEIR PRODUCTIVITY IN ONE SESSION. WOMEN, ON THE OTHER HAND, AND THE REASON, PROSTITUTION IS THE OLDEST PROFESSION, IS THAT, THEY CAN TAKE AS MANY MEN, AS THEY CAN STAND! IN THE BOOK, "EMPIRE OF ILLUSION" WITH A WORLD BASED ON "SPECTACLE" WHAT WAS ONCE, TASTEFUL IF NOT GLAMOROUS SEX, WITH PROTECTIONS, HAS GONE AS MEAN, BASE, ANIMALISTIC, CRUEL, DANGEROUS, AND BRUTAL WITH ONE WOMAN, HAVING UP TO 65 MEN DO HER, IN EVERY WHOLE ON HER BODY, SOMETIMES MULTIPLE MEN, LATER, SMASHING HER IN THE FACE, WHILE, OTHERS ARE JACKING OFF AND COMING ON HER FACE! THE TARGET AND GOAL IS TO TREAT WOMEN, AS BAD AS THEY POSSIBLY CAN! SOME HAVE TO BE HOSPITALIZED FOR RIPPED ANUSES, OTHERS FOR BEING CHOCKED OFF TO THE POINT OF ALMOST DEATH, AND OTHER COSMETIC INJURIES, FROM, BROKEN NOSES, TO CUT LIPS AND MOUTHS! HOW FAR DO YOU THINK A MAN NEEDS TO GO, FROM, THIS, TO TOTALLY OBJECTIFYING A WOMAN, SEEING HER AS NOTHING MORE THAN, FOR HIS RAGE AND ANGER, AND TO VENT, HIS MONSTEROUS SEXUAL PASSION AND HIS ANGER, LEADING TO BEING SO CRUEL AND BRUTAL, THAT, THERE IS NOTHING ELSE TO DO WITH THE WOMAN, THAN TO KILLER HER AND THROW HER AWAY, LIKE A PIECE OF TRASH! ON SERIAL KILLER, THE HAD SOME PROSTITUTE TELL HIM, SHE WAS HOOKED ON DRUGS, JUST GOT OUT OF REHAB, AND JUST WANTED TO DIE! HE TOOK CARE OF HER WISH. NEVER EVEN HAD SEX WITH HER. HIS KILL PILL CHOICE WAS STRANGULATION. LET ME EXPLAIN. PERFECT COMBO FOR A SERIAL KILLER TO REAP HAVOC ON SOCIETY: (1) UNFORTUNATE EVENTS FROM CHILDHOOD, THAT NO CHILD SHOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH!; (2) LONELINESS LEADING TO A FANTASY LIFE; (3) ADDED TO THE FUEL OF PORNOGRAPHY; (4) THE FIRST KILL; (5) GAINING AN APPETITE FOR SEX, VIOLENCE, TURNED DEADLY! (6) LEADING TO A TASTE FOR THE DRUG OF CHOICE, KILLING SOMEONE! PORN BACK IN 2007 WHEN THE BOOK, "EMPIRE OF ILLUSION" WITH THE SUBTITLE "THE ILLUSION OF LOVE" STATED THAT THE PORN INDUSTRY IS A $92 BILLION INDUSTRY! WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS 10 YEARS LATER? WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE?

MURDER.  

HIGH RISK VS. LOW RISK LIVES!

It has been a while, since I indulged myself in a night and morning of raw, true crime shows and shows based on real cases, and real killers!  I did that last night.  I just wanted to go through a few, of the shows I watched, just to warn men and women, if you are heading into a dangerous life, that might not be the one you, intended and wanted to live or die from!  Now, while I have not been murdered, obviously, that has been the "intent" of many people, from cops to prosecutors, to judges, to family, to political enemies, and so forth and so on . . .  Generally speaking, there is not a true crime show that I can't relate to on one level for another, having had something similar done to me.  There are three general reasons for murder: (1) envy; (2) revenge, and (3) greed, then there is that 4th category of the serial killer who just either are born to kill or have developed in a way, that, makes them, immune from the feelings, sympathies, and empathy that the rest of the population, as humans, enjoy, and they kill for the thrill or for the fun or for the addiction to the kill . . . the thrill  of the kill and trying to get away with it.  Most of these serial killers are narcissists, and everything is always, all about themselves . . . the woman's needs, are subservient to their own, she is a non-factor in a narcissist's decision to meet his own needs above all others in his family, or in society at large!

BREAKING UP WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE!  REAL SITUATION AT THE UNIVERSITY OF UTAH, WHERE I USED TO TEACH FAMILY LAW AND WHERE MY SON, WHO JUST BROKE UP WITH, "THE ONE" OR THE ONE HIS THOUGHT WAS THE ONE . . . THERE IS NO WOMAN ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET WHO IS WORTH KILLING IF SHE LEAVES YOU, OR KILLING YOURSELF, BECAUSE YOU KILLED THE OBJECT OF YOUR AFFECTION!  RECENT MURDER/SUICIDE AT THE U OF U.

WHAT MEN DO TO WOMEN--WOMEN CAN ALSO DO TO MEN!  THIS FALLS INTO THE CATEGORY OF THE RARE MALE RAPE CASE

I am going to just give you a brief fact pattern so you can see the types of crimes out there, starting with those that seem harmless and can turn deadly, and change your life in a New York second!  This is one.  In this case, there was an attractive blond, who allegedly, met a handsome guy, at a store, they hit it off, and, they went home together, to engage in what was assumed to be private sex, between two consenting adults, for a night of fun.  There were no strings, other than attraction and want of sex, with two willing partners, no strings attached . . . famous last words.  This is the claim of the young woman, that, while the two were having sex, she looked up and realized that the guy was video taping their private sex show, and she went ballistic, when, he refused to give her the tape . . . she was afraid that he would put it on the Internet, and blast it all over social media.  She told detectives, whom, she called, that she was worried about her mother seeing her having sex, and that, this video could ruin her budding singing career.

As the team of prosecutors, were looking at the victim's statement, they decided to do some investigation of their own, wanting to make the young man, look, like a sexual predator, who would get his jollies off, and then, put the purest of virgins on the web for some adult entertainment and having bragging rights to this, possible new star.  But what they found, looking into the girl's social network and profile, that she was a hot pistol blond, with tons of ambitions, wanting to become an overnight success, so, while she was on the stand, looking like the sweetest, Sunday school, chick, wearing, purple ruffly blouse, not much make up, and telling the jury and court, what happened and how she butchered the young man, who refused to giver her back the video tape, leading to a fight, and eventually, her grabbing a butcher knife that just happened to be laying on the counter!

In reality, it was, her, who, was caught, video tapping this young man, and in the middle of sex, he saw the video device, and, got pissed, and demanded that she destroy the tape or give it to him to destroy.  She refused to do so, and he, ended up at the raw edge of a knife and dead!  Thank God the prosecutor, promised the mother of the young man, who, reassured the legal eagles that her son was  not like that, he would never treat a woman that way, and as for video taping her, never!  To the prosecutor's surprise, after the witness showed  her true character, when she was under pressure, finally, breaking down, and admitting, that, she had planned this game, all the way along.  The boy for the most part, was rather inexperienced in sex, but, a hottie himself, and she, was going to rig the sex, the recording, and then kill him, because the video would go viral on the web!

SCARY TWINS WANTING THEIR 15 MINUTES OF FAME

The opening scene is one dude, having hot sex with two identical twins, the model of healthy, sexually, well adjusted, and much, photographed for their, beauty and gracing the covers of the latest and greatest, magazines, touting, the good girl, good girl image, of twins, rather than, the normal of one good twin, playing out the fantasies of the other, more dominating, evil twin, who has used the squeaky clean twin, to be the cover twin, or to take the fall for the bad twins, bad acts, or even with the bad twin killing the good twin, stealing everything from, the good twins credit to career, often killing the better of the two identical twins.  Tons of games for these twins that even partents, can't tell apart.

The day after the three-some, dude living every guys dream, detectives trace, the shock, of two young beautiful women, being found dead, in their beds, looking straight in the mirror at themselves, with one homicide detective calling the other detective, both claiming that the victim is, so and so, then realizing, that, they are dealing with twin murders, of twins, who are famous, now dead.  The rich young man, who got lucky, was cleared of the double murders, but he mentioned that, earlier in the evening, at the club, he met, the twins at, there was a guy, trying to pick up on one of the twins, but she was having nothing of him, and rejected him.  He worked with a sketch artist, who worked for the cops putting together, an artists, rendition of who the man was.

One of the detectives, remember some case, involving a man, who looked exactly like the drawing, but he was in a state hospital for the mentally challenged and insane, being successful, in his murder trial, for a previous case.  They went to visit the man, who, quoted, some poem, revealing, something that triggered something with the detective, leading the detectives, to do some research into the young man, now institutionalized.  The picture was a perfect match, but the dude had an alibi, being, sentenced to the state mental hospital, like two years earlier.  If this guy was in the state hospital, how did someone who looked just like him, commit these double murders and also, be seen, by this young rich man, at the club, being rejected by one of the twins?

The man in the hospital, was an identical twin, too!  The twins father, and mother died, when they were young, and they were put into the foster program, but, the two  were so hard to handle and the foster parent couldn't tell them apart, and they each blamed or took credit for the other, when there was a situation, always, leaving people, dazed and confused as to who was who and how, to discipline one, without disciplining the other, so they split the twins up, even though it was cruel.  There was a man, doing, research on twins, and the two healthy, beautiful blond sisters were to be on the cover of a professor or psychologists book, doing the shoot the next day.  The twin girls had long been the subjects of his study, using them as model twins.

Eventually, the detectives realize, that the one twin, would sneak in the less that, totally secure facility, and take the place of the murderous twin, with a hot temper, being there for head counts, and meals, making authorities, think there was only one man, not, even suspecting that their could be two.  The detectives put the twin, hospitalized under surveillance, and noticed that, the other twin, wearing hats, and disguises, would come visit, using a totally different name, and the two were caught, going into the bushes, to exchange clothes, one in the institutions blues, and the other wearing street visitor clothes.  Even at the line-up, with both of the twins, identical twins, standing, a few, people apart, all witnesses could not guarantee, that, the man they saw, was the one who, killed the girls or was the one, they saw at the dance club, fighting with the twin.

Finally, one of the detectives, who was very well educated and well read, knew the poem, the first or the hospitalized twin, quoted, and when she had the two twins separated, with the detectives, putting an X on one twin's head and an O on the other twin, still getting confused and caught in their games, without the one turning on the other twin, living a lifetime of paying for his twins, sins and crimes . . the detective chick, then, quotes the first few words of the poem, the hospitalized twin, quoted, and the other twin, didn't know what the words were!  Bingo, then all the detectives had to do, was to convince the good twin, to turn on his brother, and, let him take the fall for his own, murders.  What was the motive for the kills?  First, rejection, but the real one, was, the twins were jealous of the two blond sisters and their fame.  The brother was planning on killing all  the identical twins in the study, so that the two separated brothers, moved to the top of the list and got included in the identical twin study of the professor or psychologist!

A MARRIAGE BASED ON THE HOLY BIBLE, THAT DIDN'T END UP SO HOLY!  PEOPLE ALWAYS HAVE A "PUBLIC FACE" AND "A PRIVATE FACE!"  THE TWO MAY NOT, MEET, AT ALL, LEAVING PEOPLE, CONFUSED AND NOT BELIEVING ANYTHING BAD ABOUT, SAY A PASTOR

Of course, this was the perfect couple, a young handsome pastor, with his lovely, piano playing, musical wife, running a small community church, with adoring parishioners!  From all outsider's views, the couple were perfect, a dedicated, loving couple, with the Lord, the third person in their relationship!  But eventually, the couple started to have financial troubles, and the wife had to start, cleaning houses in the neighborhood, wondering where all her husband's money was going.  Now, all the sudden out of the blue, the beautiful dedicated, preacher's wife, just up and disappeared one night, while the pastor was having a meeting with church people.  He was distraught, upset, and convinced the cops that, maybe his wife, just up and ran away, was having an affair, or, she got sick of the church life and, decided it was not for her.

Some people speculated that, maybe the wife went on a mission for the church, and just didn't tell anyone.  The cops found her abandoned truck, on the side of the road, and it appeared that a man, larger than her had been in the driver's seat.  A local farmer, and auto mechanic, noticed a man, walking on the side of the road the night the wife disappeared, and he stopped to see if the man, who tried to avoid his direct eyes, just covered his face and said he was fine.  There had been some people who said they saw the wife, in a nearby town.  The pastor reported, that shortly before she disappeared, he got a call from an anonymous caller telling the pastor that, his wife was having an affair.  So there were all kinds of stories, about the missing woman.  Finally the detectives tracked down, some young man, who had lived with the pastor and his wife, for some time, and they questioned him.

Come to find out, that the pastor has had an affair, some time earlier, but his forgiving wife, had admitted that anyone could make a mistake and all was well.  But it really was not. The young man, said that, this perfect couple, had, big fights were the husband would attack his wife, with, fury and accusations, with her getting the worst end of the fights.  The pastor also had, erectile dysfunction, or trouble with sex. So to add to the affair, she was being denied good sex, on top of that!  Then, one night the young man, overheard, the couple fighting, that she found his phone bill, and he was spending $1,000 per month, calling sex hot lines, where, his issues with sex, were not known, but they were now ruining the family finances, and not only their finances but he was dipping into his church finances also, getting deeper and deeper into trouble.  The wife, threatened to expose him.

Come to find out, the pastor's reputation was more important to him, than his own, wife's life, and they got into a fight, he killed her, took her body, bound, out into the forest where the truck was left, and buried her, not to be discovered for four years!  The affair that the man, was allegedly over, had continued, too.

NOTE: A night or two ago, I had a dream, with, a man, I was attracted to, from Seattle.  The attraction has lasted over a year, but, i have written about other men, in my blog too, so, yeah, attracted, but, not in a relationship, open range, but still, interested.  One of the things that attracted me to him, was, I got the impression, more from, his family and surroundings that he was, either Catholic or Mormon, and probably, as straight laced as me, not sleeping around, while being extremely good looking, that all-American good looking, athletic hot guy.  I wanted to get in shape, and, then get with him, or, someone else . . . but my daughter, needing me in Utah, put the kibosh on, any relationship for the time being, but, I needed the gym time anyway.  Now, there was this, sign, downtown, Seattle on 3rd, bus route 5, from Greenwood to Seattle, that says, Life is Better Together, and as I have, looked for housing, expensive, the thought, has come, that perhaps he is in a situation, divorce, single, that, perhaps, roommates would work, and see if, we get along, and we can transition into something more serious . . . since I don't even dare talk to him, now!  LOL.  Big jump, but, in shape, fuck yeah!  So, in the dream, this, man, or a man who reminded me of this dude, was in an empty, apartment with me, bumping and grinding up against me, and as he started to run his hands up my hips, waist, and to my boobs, just the side of them . . . he said, "I want to see, what type of U.S. Attorney you would be?"  I was like, referring to my JOB Skills, that, he would not be disappointed!  Thinking, the body, maybe, but, as U.S. AG, totally dig and ready!  In the dream as in real, I kind of push him away and moved, and when he was standing, a bit, from me, I noticed, that he had a plaid or very male top on, but, his pants were a flower print?  His hair, was wavy and a bit longer, not straight.  The thought, came to me, is he a swing hitter? or, the clothing at least, suggested to me, that, things with him, are not as they seem.  I have suspected and anticipated, that he is likely a plant, spy, cops, but that he is also, an attorney . . . which would make sense that he was, seeing if I was ready to move from Utah Assistant AG, to U.S. AG, or to being the U.S. AG, with Sessions on tap to be fired!  I thought, we haven't progressed, one step from, being interviewed for the star role, back on the couch, again!  FUCK.  The next thing that happened, in the dream, was I was buried, under a ton of salt!  Being somewhat spiritual and well versed in the scriptures, I first thought of the scripture where Lot's wife was told not to look over her shoulder, or she would turn into a pillar of salt!  I took that, to not look back to him!  Too bad, I just wanted to get to know him, but, he appears to be, no different than all the rest of the men, I seem to be attracted to.  All about sex, not my job skills!  Then, later in the day, I reflected on the fact, that, it might have meant, that, the salt had to do with, Salt Lake City, Utah, burying me, under a shit load of salt, to cover who the real, JoAnn S. Secrist, J.D. was, and when, I left the state, Shelley was anointed by the Mormon Church brethern, to replace me as, #2 in the nation for civil rights defense and to steal all my $700 million worth of cases, all won, but for the settlements!  NO wonder he thinks of me as tits and ass, not, an equal in the law, or even higher than he is with more experience! This dream, led me on a train of thought, that, was scary, if not insightful . . . her is the next, true crime episode!  I have found, dreams are not only helping me, solve my own case, but give insights to me, by way of warnings, of the intent of some one's mind and heart!

THE SERIES OF "LOVE UNDOING" THAT HAVE HELPED TO BURY ME AND ALLOW, MY ALLEGED, APPOINTED SISTA TWINS, AND FRIENDS, TO STEAL A FUCKING FORTUNE!  THIS COULD BE CONSIDERED, "FRIENDLY FIRE" OR KILLED BY YOUR OWN TEAM! OR WHO SHOULD BE YOUR OWN TEAM!

I am making up the titles, so you will not find the exact names, but on this one, and very interesting, concepts, I learn, in watching, some, top notch, forensic expert, or forensic psychologist, look into some case, that local cops, aren't trained to figure out.  This is one of those cases!  This "concept" of love undoing is a perfect, fit, to understand what, a series of men, all cops, or prosecutors have done to me, the five finger, death punch to the heart.  When dealing with the levels of cops, cloak and dagger, level, that I am playing with, there are men, who  have heard or known of me, for the last, 3 generations of cops, over a 20 year period of time!  I am, a cop trophy, wife, even at, almost 63 going on 64, still too hot to kill, and hot enough to still fuck, so, a hard dilemma for, men, who are sent my way, starting with those, 20 years older, and to those 20 years younger, being able to pass for 40 or so.  I fall into this type crime.

There was a young couple, who were totally in love with each other and they were smitten from the first glance or love at first sight.  They spent all their time together, and they were planning a future with, each other.  The start of the episode based on the re-enactment of the crime, shows the young man, walking shirtless, down a highway in a rural area, toward a town.  He was picked up by a tow truck driver and taken to the cops, shaken, with tales of a shooting, his girlfriend dead, him, in the water all night, a canal, to avoid being shot by a friend of the guy and also a former, boyfriend of the girl.  The cops found the girl, just 17 years old, almost looking like she was placed with loving care, in between, several large rocks or cement.  She just looked like she laid down and went to sleep?  They knew if she was, pushed or fell off the bridge or side of the road, to the body placement, she would not have looked like this, just asleep, with no sign of foul play!  

Detectives were baffled by the statements of the confused boyfriend, and nothing made sense, from the tale of another boyfriend, to the placement of the bullet in the girl's head, flipping her long dark hair up in the air, as she fell to her prolonged death, with bullets, being aimed toward him, now, as the crazed, killer friend, pointed the gun on him now she was dead.  he went into the river.  The distraught boyfriend, claimed and admitted, that he had been to jail, for several months, admitted that he thought his girlfriend has slept with this L.D. while he was in jail, and the possible motive was, either, jealousy over the girl, or, that L.D. had taken over, his small town drug territory, while he was in jail and lowered the price, luring all, the boyfriend's clients away from him.  Dude curled up in a fetal position, and cried . . . something that is not so rare, confusion, particularly, if he was right about spending the night in the canal, being disoriented and it was cold, and having someone he loved, shot right in front of his eyes!

As the facts started to roll out, L.D. claimed to never having been even at the site of the murder.  He said he wasn't jealous, but used her for sex.  As for the drug dealing gone bad, na, and he had an alibi.  But the detectives found, four bullet holes in the boyfriend's car, and the car had a flat tire.  They were excited to find, that, L.D. had, the same kind of bullets, in his closet, with, just four bullets missing.  Later it was discovered, that, the bullet in the girlfriend's head, didn't match the other, bullets in the car!  Still confused, the cops, looked at the physical evidence at the scene of the crime . . . they could tell, the girl's body, had been dragged, from near the water, up closer to the road, and her arms that had drag marks, were placed, almost in a sweet position, over her, body, her red nails, were not broken nor showed signs of a struggle . . . she had a peaceful look on her face, and the cops determined that she most likely was not dead, at the time the body was moved closer to the road, looking like, the killer was trying to get her help!  They did however, remember, that, the boyfriend's pager was found, under her body?

FREUD TRAINED, EXPERT, SAID, IT LOOKED LIKE A CLASSIC CASE OF "LOVE UNDOING" . . . THAT ONCE THE ACT OF SHOOTING HIS GIRLFRIEND WAS OVER, HE WANTED TO "UNDO" THE KILLING, BUT COULDN'T, SO HE TENDERLY, MOVED THE BODY, MADE HER COMFORTABLE, PROBABLY CRIED AND STROKED HER HAND AND HEAD, UNTIL SHE EXPIRED AND DIED.  ALL THEY KNEW FOR SURE, WAS THAT, THE BOYFRIEND'S PAGER, BEING FOUND UNDER THE BODY, SUGGESTED HE WAS BEHIND HER, AND HIS STATEMENTS THAT HE BOTH SAW HER HAIR FLY IN THE AIR, AFTER, L.D. SHOT HER, AND SAW THE RAGE IN HIS EYES, HE RAN FOR THE CANAL WATER, TO AVOID BEING SHOT HIMSELF, DID NOT MAKE SENSE, AND GIVEN THE FACT THAT HE LIKELY GOT TONS OF BLOOD FROM HER HEAD WOUND ON HIS WHITE T-SHIRT, HE HAD TO TAKE IT OFF!  THERE WERE SEVERAL THEORIES: (1) HE WAS JEALOUS OF THE TIME THE GIRL SPENT WITH L.D. WHILE HE WAS IN JAIL; (2) IT WAS A DRUG DEAL GONE BAD; (3) HE HAD TO SACRIFICE WHAT HE LOVED BEST, TO SATISFY L.D. OR HE WOULD BE KILLED?  BUT LOGISTICALLY, THE ONLY THEORY THAT MADE SENSE, WAS, THAT, JUST THE BOYFRIEND AND THE GIRLFRIEND WERE THERE, AND HE KILLED HER, AND TOOK CARE OF HER BODY, LOVING HER, AND REGRETTING WHAT HE HAD DONE.

THEN I WATCHED A SERIES OF DOCUMENTARIES ON SERIAL KILLERS . . . I HAVE HAD, CRIMES COMMITTED AGAINST ME FOR 20 YEARS AND MANY FROM PEOPLE, WHO, EITHER USED TO LOVE ME, OR WERE RELATED TO ME, OR ACTUALLY, STILL LOVE ME!  I AM ALWAYS TRYING TO GIVE INSIGHTS INTO MY CASE, OR TO UNDERSTAND IT MYSELF, OR AT LEAST COME TO PEACE WITH WHAT HAPPENED TO ME!

FOR THE NEXT SEVERAL HOURS, I WATCHED SERIAL KILLERS, WITH NAMES, AND FACES, THAT RESEMBLED MEN, I HAVE LOVED OR HAVE BEEN ATTRACTED TO . . . THE THOUGHT CAME TO MY MIND, THAT, I HAVE LOVED, PSYCHOPATHS, SOCIOPATHS, SERIAL KILLERS, AND MONSTERS.

NICE.

IS IT A FASCINATION WITH ABNORMAL PSYCHOLOGY?  DO I TAP INTO THE GOOD SIDE OF MEN, AND IGNORE THE BAD?

ONE OF THE SERIAL KILLERS, WHO MURDERED, 28 WOMEN, THAT THEY COULD ACCOUNT FOR, WITH THE THOUGHT, OF HOW MANY THEY DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT, LET ONE WOMAN GO?  WHY?

THIS 17 YEAR OLD WOMEN, RATHER THAN FIGHTING THE MAN, WHILE BEING RAPED AND ABUSED, ALSO, WAS TAKEN INTO A SHOWER WITH THE SERIAL KILLER, AND TENDERLY, WASHING, KISSED, AND LOVED.  HE WOULD GO FROM, SWEET, TO HORRIBLE AND SCARY.

AFTER 48 OR SO HOURS OF FEAR, THAT HE WOULD KILL HER, SHE ASKED HIM, WHY HE DID THIS, AND HE, TOLD HER, THAT HE WAS VERY HURT BY A BREAKUP WITH A WOMAN, AND GREW TO HATE WOMEN.

THEN HE LOOKED AT HER, AND HE SAID, WHAT AM I GOING TO DO WITH YOU NOW?  SHE SAID, I WILL STAY HERE WITH YOU AND BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND--NOT KNOWING WHAT ELSE TO DO IN THAT SITUATION, SEEING THAT WAS BETTER THAN BEING MURDERED, LIKE THE REST.

HE LET HER GO!

SHE IS NOW A COP, AND SAID, TO "SERVE AND PROTECT" IS AN AMAZING THING!

SHE LOVES BEING A COP AND TRIES TO STOP MEN LIKE HIM!

I WRITE THIS AS A WARNING, TO WOMEN, OFF WHO YOU MIGHT BE GETTING IN THE CAR OR TRUCK WITH, TO MEN, TO AVOID, GETTING TWISTED AND INTO PORN, LEADING TO MAKING WOMEN, NOTHING MORE THAN AN OBJECTIFIED, PIECE OF MEAT, TO SATISFY YOUR SEXUAL URGE FOR THE NIGHT, TO BE BEATEN, TORTURED AND MURDERED, AT WILL, AND DISCARDED LIKE A PIECE OF TRASH!  I WRITE IT TO WARN MEN, OF MOTHER'S, GIRLFRIENDS, AND STRANGERS THAT CAN CAUSE THEM DEEP HURTS AND TURN THEM INTO MONSTERS, TO PARENTS, TO WATCH THEIR SONS AND DAUGHTERS, AND TO MAKE SENSE OF MY WORLD!

HOPEFULLY, GREAT GOOD WILL COME FROM ALL THE BAD THAT HAS BEEN DONE TO ME!

ENJOY THE REST OF YOUR SUNDAY!

LOVE IS THE ANSWER!