TRUTH'S FUGATIVE. THE TRUTHS ARE OUT THERE. THE TRUTH IS NOT FOUND IN SCIENCE, BUT LOOK IN YOUR OWN EYE'S. SELF-GOVERNMENT. "THERE WATCHING." TRUST NOONE. SUPER SOLDIERS. HOW LONG ARE YOU GOING TO REFUSE TO TRUST ME? NSA OR NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY. HOW DID YOU KNOW THE SIZE OF MY CLOTHES? I KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. I KNOW YOUR PIN NUMBER, YOUR PASSWORD TO YOUR COMPUTER., THE LAST TIME YOU ATE OUT AT A RESTAURANT, THE STORES YOU SHOP AT, AND WHEN YOU AND AGENT MOULDER, GOT LONELY AND SLEPT TOGETHER. I KNOW YOUR CHILD'S NAME, THAT HE WAS ABLE TO MOVE THE MOBILE HANGING OVER HIS BED, WITH JUST HIS EYES. YOU HAVE A CHOICE, AGENT SCULLY, AGENT MOULDER OR YOUR BABY? I DON'T EXIST AS A CITIZEN AND I KNOW, VIRTUALLY, EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU. THERE IS SOMETHING DIFFERENT ABOUT YOUR CHILDREN, MY CHILDREN. THEY WANT OUR CHILDREN. BUT THESE ARE CRIMES AGAINST INNOCENT CITIZENS? TRUTH ABOUT WHAT OUR BABIES MIGHT BE? YOU'VE BEEN LISTENING TO US? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE CONSTITUTION? THAT IS WHAT ALLOWS TERRORISTS TO RUN FREE IN THIS COUNTRY, UNCHECKED AND AT WILL. WHY DID YOU BRING ME OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE? THERE IS NOT, NOWHERE ANYMORE, AGENT SCULLY. MEET ME AT THE BUS BEACH, INTERNET CAFE': FEDERAL GROUNDS. PERFECT, YOUR RIGHT. WHO ARE YOU? WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT? IT'S THE FUTURE. THIS GUY KNOWS EVERYTHING--THIS GUY NEEDS YOU. HE READ YOUR EMAIL. MOULDER MUST DIE--OR YOUR SON. WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY SON? TIME. FBI EVIDENCE LAB. DNA CAN'T BE TESTED--HE IS NOT A MAN--HE IS A SUPER SOLDIER. THEY CAN BE DESTROYED. THE SUPER SOLDIERS CAN BE DESTROYED BY SOMETHING IN THIS ROCKVILLE QUARRY--SOMETHING IN THE AREA, CAN DESTROY THEM. THE SUPER SOLDIERS CAN BE DESTROYED--THE FORCES AGAINST US ARE RELENTLESS, BUT SO IS MY DETERMINATION. MY DREAM AND THE X-FILES. 25 YEARS OF MISPLACED SPACE AND TIME, LIKE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED, BUT SO RIGHT ON, WITH THE WORLD I FIND MYSELF IN NOW, BACK TO THE FUTURE . . . TIME WARP. STAR WARS . . . THE NEXT GENERATIOIN!

THE DREAM

I had one of the most shocking, and possibly revealing dreams, of my life, or so, for the last 25 to 27 years . . . it is very simple, very telling, and very almost alarming to me, X-File strange.  So, in this dream, my ex-husband of what, 27 years, was standing near me, nowhere in particular, and he was appearing to be going to work.  Our entire marriage, after college for him, my ex, worked as a city planner, in Ogden, and Provo, Utah, and now married to a new wife, for as long as we were married, he in inclement weather, always wore, a tan, double-breasted, like trench coat.  And he was wearing this the dream, so the work he did do, or the trench coat is key, to understanding this dream, but it is also, a coat that, FBI agents, are often seen wearing, the trench coat mafia?  But, in this dream, I was just wearing, almost like, the clothes, I wore or would have worn, more when I was young, a housewife, home raising four young children, taking me back, in the dream, seemingly to this time, and I would always walk, Richard, I called him, Zeke to the front door and kiss him good-bye and wish him a good day.  But, in this dream, I was a bit, more emotive, aggressive, and what would, I say, playful, and I grabbed him, by the butt, and said, I love you, I love you, I love you!  We started to kiss, and more so than we would have back in the day, generally, just a quick, peck on the lips, or a kiss good-bye, nothing involved, usually with him, racing off on his bike and me, rushing to find the kids and what they were into, or getting them off to school.  In this one, we started to make out, and when I awoke from the dream, it appeared to be, real time, or something he did, that, helped my current situation, and rather than him, going to work, he put his arm around me, and we, walked off laughing and talking together?

I mean, like what am I suppose to think, after like 27 years, being divorced, and, after, we both got remarried, both the same time, the same week, 13 years after our divorce, I think, I have only seen, Zeke, like less than 5 times, so?  What the hell, am I telling him, I love him, or grabbing his ass for, or kissing him for?  I was dumbfounded by the dream.  Zeke or Richard the father of all four of my kids, has now been married to his current wife, longer than he and I were married; however, they had no children together, and all four of mine are from him, so there is that common bond, although our kids are grown, and as of the last 15 or so years, he has been, more a father to her children, a support to her, than he has, been to our kids, with my daughters, griping about, the new younger wife, taking away their father, the boys, really don't see him much either.  So?  What does the dream mean?  I married this man, because of a dream, I divorced this man, because of a dream, but we were always, supportive, never fought, always, worked on a win/win, never fought about money, originally with  me getting the kids, house, dog, car, without bills, we were very financially, frugal, but during the 90 day waiting period, I got accepted to law school, so we just reversed everything.  We never discussed alimony or child support, we both, self-governed, our relationship with each other, and the kids, always, doing what made sense and was logical, given the financial situation of the time, and doing all we could, to help our children, but both of us giving them a ton of freedom, to be their selves, facilitating and being supportive, if not encouraging.

I thought, well I am grateful, to him, never hated him, never wanted a divorce, there were really no problems, I was a bit bored, and had an emotional affair with an attorney, but, nothing I could not handle, nothing that would not pass with time, but I did have a dream and I did, get accepted into law school, simply, having a dream and going up, wearing the same dress, and just asking, with my stellar undergraduate performance, honors, awards, being honored humanities student and outstanding English major, with scholarships, publications, and recognition before even, graduating from college, being asked to be department staff, running the satellite tutoring center, for the department in the dorms on campus, and other such distinctions, they admitted me, in with in two hours of asking . . . while it did not matter to the law school, what my LSAT scores were, seeing, they didn't have  much to worry about, in admitting me, I just had to take the test as a formality, but I did have to wait a year, because, like 80% of the positions for fall had already been filled, this was April, 1989, so, I had to wait to go, until 1990, which was fine . . . but, I thought, together we made a great team, we got married, both with only, 1 year of college under our belts, and put each other through, two undergraduate degrees, a master's degree, and a juris doctorate, helping each other, every step of the way, and raising four amazing kids, who are going to do more for this world than their parents, and that is something to hang you hat on!  We were both smart, intelligent, thoughtful, supportive and encouraging, friends, whether married or single, and the dream for me was key . . . the thought came to me, did we just have particular missions to fulfill? equal but separate goals?  The dream seemed to indicate, great joy on the parts of both of us, that we had pulled off, a great thing together!

But, the fact that, the trench coat bothered me, and I woke to feeling that this was real time, not back in the day, and my ex-husband, was somehow a key player, in bringing forth some truth, or finally, put his foot down on all this bull shit, double, shit, evil twin, identity theft, having felt that all the way along, either he had to have lied about who his wife, me was, or he was bribed, or he didn't know, and they always talked to his new wife and she got paid off, because, he was key to connecting me to both him, our marriage and the parentage of our kids, in particularly our sons, and their music, worth a fucking fortune, and I always wondered, how, he, being very ethical and moral, could do this to me, or the kids, or for what reason, seeing that, people were stealing and taking away from his original family, and I just could not see it?  I was stumped by this dream . . . but, were the X-Files a clue?  I searched, FBI Files, just like I do all the time, but for some strange reason, the X-Files, came up with all the true crimes and cases episode . . . ?  Is this series, that, I don't remember, even when it was originally on, somehow, connected to the dream, my son(s), being that I remember, watching the X-Files, like 25 years ago?  I am not sure when, but I didn't watch much TV, never have, still don't, so, my memory was faded a bit, but the topic, was dead set, straight up, right, spot on, for what I feel has been going on, and back in the day, I didn't know what the NSA was, nor the part it would play in my life, feeling much, like Agent Scully, also watched, spied on, having her emails read, her phone taped, and being on surveillance, everywhere she went, and have a very different, gifted, son, that the government would want to steal, and use, too!

THE X-FILES: TRUTH FUGATIVE

The very title of this show stunned me, the truth fugitive, which could not have described my situation to this day, to the tee!  Not only was my identity stolen, but, I feel that the government has been eyeing my children, since, way back, clear to elementary school, when this Craig Campbell, head of the Child and Family Studies Department, called me, after giving a lecture to my last education class, just before, I was to graduate and he offered me, if I got a master's in marriage and family therapy, already an interest, he would not only let me teach at the college, never wanted to teach less, and he would share his private practice with me . . . but, in his first phone call, he knew my grades, my children's accomplishments, which started to mount the second they got to school, and continued, he had watched me run in the mornings, knew my grades, let me give him advice on women, counseling, even sending some to me to help, and he seemed to know fucking everything about me, and even followed me down to Provo, where my husband got a new planning position in the City of Provo?  He also, had a personal attraction, that I was unaware of at the time, but, somehow, he knew everything about me that struck me as strange then, and even more so now . . . but the kid factor is really bizarre!

Like in the X-Files, and the special son, that agents, Scully and Moulder had, were mine on the radar way early? and why? and, given the dream, the trench coat, and connecting that not only with my husband's jobs, but, was he possibly, and undercover agent, served a mission in Holland, so the language skills, very in tune with other Mormons, inducted into the FBI service, with my father in the OSS, or connections to both the FBI and the CIA, were our kids, on the scene as being selected, from way back?  And it this, episode, the mother, agent, Scully, brings up the Constitution, and the violations on her life, on her babies life and the other, mother and father, and now, having to make a choice, between her baby and Moulder, her now lover and the father of her baby?  And was the time frame, telling, back in the earlier days of the NSA, shit, I don't think, I knew much about them, until, like in the last 6 years, since all this shit started happening to me . . . but, I have often wondered, if there was great concern, with all the Spying on America, the Shadow Factory shit, and the "to watch lists" that, me scoring top in my con law class, on the Constitution and supporting case law, that, the government antenna's went up, also, watching my kids?  #1 in my class of 180, asked to be a research assistant for my con law professor, and taking ever class, related to the Constitution, when they, the government, super soldiers are trying to get rid of it, and also to induct the best and the brightest, into the rank and file of agents, daughters with not only military training, but, intel, and language skills?

WHAT RIGHT, AS AGENT SCULLY, ASKED ONE OF THE SUPER SOLDIERS, DO YOU HAVE TO MY LIFE? MY CHILD? TO MAX MOULDER'S LIFE? TO SPY ON US? TO USE US? TO KILL US?

DOES THE THREAT OF TERRORISM, GIVE THE GOVERNMENT THESE LIBERTIES? THESE SPYING AND PRYING ABILITIES? OR ARE WE GOING TO STICK TO OUR FOUNDATION, OUR GUNS, OUR RIGHTS, PROTECTIONS AND PRIVILEGES, CIVIL AND CONSTITUTIONAL AND SAY, NO, YOU DON'T GET TO KNOW THE SIZE OF MY UNDERWEAR, OR GET TO STEAL MY KIDS, OR PRETEND THAT MY WORK, BLOG, CASES, CHILDREN, ARE AN AGENT OR AGENT'S CHILDREN AND WORK AND THEN TAKE MY WELL EARNED AND PLANNED LIFE FROM ME . . . SHIT, EVERY THING I DID WITH AND FOR MY KIDS, WAS FUCKING PLANNED AND CALCULATED . . . I WANTED THEM FAMOUS, AND SOMEONE ONCE SAID, ALL OF YOU HAVE HAD TOO CUSHY OF LIVES, YOU WILL NEVER BE FAMOUS . . . I ALSO HEARD THAT IF YOU TRY TO GROW, ALGAE IN A PETRI DISH, THEY WILL DIE UNDER THE BEST AND WORST CONDITIONS, BUT YOU NEED SOMETHING IN BETWEEN, THAT A RAT FED JUST HEALTH FOOD, DIED WHILE A RAT THAT ATE JUNK FOOD, SURVIVED . . . PUTTING BRIGHT COLORFUL PICTURES IN FRONT OF YOUR NEWBORN, MAKES THEM SMARTER, ETC., ETC., ETC., SO THE RESULT OF MY STUDY, RESEARCH, THOUGHT, AND DECISIONS, GOES WHERE? TO THE GOVERNMENT, WITH OUT MY KNOWLEDGE OR MY PERMISSION, OR MY COMPENSATION?  IS THIS THE FUTURE WE WANT?  IS THIS THE NEW NORMAL?  IS SACRIFICING EVERYTHING WE HOLD NEAR AND DEAR FOR FUCKING NATIONAL SECURITY WORTH IT?  FREEDOM IS NOT FREE!