SOHPIA'S PLACE, QUOTE OF THE DAY
"I don't like to gamble but if there's one thing I'm willing to bet on, it's myself." --Beyonce'
TWO NEW TERMS OF ART, THAT I LEARNED, IN THE LAST FEW MONTHS, AND ONE THE OTHER DAY, ON THE RACHEL MADDOW SHOW, MSNBC . . . THAT WILL BE CRITICAL TO UNDERSTANDING MY DREAMS OF LATE: (1) SWATTING, THIS IS WHERE, SOMEONE, HOW HATES, YOU OR AN PESKY NEIGHBOR YOU HAVE HAD ISSUES WITH, JUST OR THE FUN OF IT, REPORTS, YOU TO THE COPS, FOR DOING THIS OR THAT, AND THEN, IN RESPONSE TO THE ALLEGATIONS, AN OVER ZEALOUS, SWAT TEAM, STORMS, YOUR HOUSE, AND ACCUSES, OR ARRESTS YOU FOR THE BOGUS, SQUIRRELY, ALLEGATIONS--EVEN, THOSE MADE UP, YOU STILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE INCIDENT AND CHARGES! (2) GANG STALKING: THIS IS WHERE, YOU HAVE BEEN, A WHISTLEBLOWER, OR SOMEONE, LIKE ME, WHO DARED, CROSS THE POWERS THAT BE, RATTING OUT, THEIR FAILURE, FOR, NOT, FOLLOWING THE LAW, OR THE CONSTITUTION, OR THEIR OATH OF OFFICE, AND CATCHING, THE BUSINESS SHELL, OF THE FAKE PATRIOT ACT, MASKING ITSELF, AS THE NEW, SUPREME LAW OF THE LAND, OR REPLACING THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUITON, WITH, NO RULES, OTHER, THAN, THE LAW OF THE STREETS, OR THE COPS, CALLING THE SHOTS, NOT THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM AS WE KNOW, IT! THEY CAN SELL YOU, BUY YOU, TAKE WHATEVER THEY WANT FROM YOU, REPLACE YOU, WITHOUT, RIGHTS, PROTECTIONS, DUE PROCESS, EQUAL PROTECTION, TAKING LIBERTIES, SUPRESSING YOUR PRIVILEGES, AND GIVING, AMPED UP PRIVILEGES, TO LESS DESERVING OR NON-OWNERS, AND CURTAILING, THE FREEDOMS OF THE REAL OWNER, OF TH PROPERTY, WHILE PROTECTING THE COP BREW, WHO ARE NOTHING BUT COMMON CRIMINALS!
DREAM #1 . . . THE SILVER SPOON, GROWING OUT OF THE GUTTER!
This was what I will call, a snapshot dream, simple, short, with no plot, no characters, no storyline, or nothing, but a vision of a very symbolic, picture, and a picture is worth a thousand words, right? Okay, in this snapshot, dream, I just saw, a silver spoon, only half of it, appearing to come out of the gutter, or curb, on any normal street. We all know what the silver spoon, represents, or if you don't, you have heard the term, "she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth" or in common terms, she was somehow, privileged, or born to wealth, or with connections, or was given everything, that the rest of us had to work, so hard for, and often we think, of kids, of movie stars, or famous people, or politicians, kids, like the Clinton, or the Trumps, the Kennedy's, who, are born, with a certain amount of let say, culture capital, or name power, that will, give them and advantage over, anyone else, because of their family, name, brand, connections, money, wealth or education.
The interesting thing about this dream, was, that, the spoon, seemed lodged, or appeared to be, coming right out of the cement, on the curb, laying right in the gutter. At first, waking, as I always to, when, I have a puzzling, informative, insightful dream, I wondered, what, the half of the silver spoon, indicated? Now, it was not where you hold the handle of the spoon, that showed, that was embedded in the curb, cement, but the upper half of the spoon, or the top part of the handle, and the actual spoon, area, was exposed, and was over the gutter, part. I thought, as I lay in bed, that is pretty, symbolic of me . . . I am sure, in the condition, I am living, homeless, basically for the last 5 years, since, running for my life, from Utah, now, Montana, that my life, appears to be in the gutter, or coming out of nowhere. As people, start to put, two and two, together, realizing that the person, or persons, that they thought, were me, are not me, and yes, I am staying at the Hammond House, at the Woodland Church, United Methodist Church, on Greenwood Lane, or Street, seeing me at the library, or at Ken's Market, or at Safeway Store, or wherever, Taco Del Mar, and they read, about, this or that, it is coming to them, that, I am actually, writing, not about, stories, but real stories, that are happening to me daily, as I live in the gutter, but, they are also, finding, that, I do, in fact, have a silver spoon in my mouth, and should be, in that elite, wealthy, class of persons, that have made it in todays, world!
I think the half spoon, is very symbolic, of that silver, spoon, not coming from my parents, or starting early in my life, I was not born with a silver spoon in my mouth, not at all! But, I did all the right things, to put, a silver spoon, in my own, mouth! I started, law school, at age, 36! I didn't start at the Utah Attorney General's Office, until I was 40!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am not 40 now, thanks for the compliment, but that is one of the ways, that, my enemies, family, for starters, were able to fool, cops, you, feds, and others, that, I was not old enough, to have done, all that, I have done, therefore, they could take all that I did and create, amazing careers, for 6 to 10 women, many, or starting with my sisters! all 5 of them! I did come from, a middle class background, both parents, were college educated, and I was always, always, proud of that, perhaps that is why, I worked so hard, to get those college, later, law credentials under my belt, but handed to me, born this it, NO! I was hand made, did it all, for myself, paid for my own, college, got scholarships, and I am still paying for my law school, loans, while others, reap the benefits of my law degree, credentials, and money, that I EARNED, always earned, never given, from, my cases, lobbying, water compacts, and now, billion dollar blog, making millions on each posting! I WAS A LATE BLOOMER . . . it took me, 4 kids, 4 colleges, and 12 years to get my undergraduate degree! Then I went to law school, now, where do you see the silver spoon in that?
I STARTED HALF WAY THROUGH MY LIFE, IF NOT PICKING UP STEAM, AS I AGED!
DREAM #2 . . . 2ND HUSBAND, POLISHING OFF, A BRASS POST, WITH BALLS AT EACH END, MADE OF SHINY COPPER!
This was a happy dream, it was a bright fall day, and me and my second, husband, Jerry Owens, were out in the sunshine, like we generally were, always, going somewhere, taking a walk, enjoying nature, hiking, taking a drive, to some cool, mountain location, sneaking away from kids, in the day, to get a private lunch, and enjoy the brilliant ride to Park City, Utah, to some quaint, restaurant, for some good grub, miss those days, and of late, did, think of Jerry. We were under a tree, and, out of the blue, Jerry said, Will you marry me? Yes! What is funny about that is, that, when we first met, after my first, year of law school, summer of 1991, after two months, he did ask me to marry him . . . often . . . and I told him, that if he was the last man, on earth, when, he was 80, and I was 72, I would marry him! LOL. We are getting there! LOL. I saw a Dr. so and so, veterinarian, who has her own, show, out of Alaska, looking so much, like Montana and up around Midway, where Jerry lives, or the way it used to look, when we met, very rural, and absolutely, glistened, in the winder, snow, and bright, blue, skies and sunshine, that, I basked in with him for, roughly, 10 years, off and on, more on!
In the next segment of the dream, we were just hanging out, and as usual, he was busy, working on some project, while I kept him company, just enjoying talking and being together. Jerry had, this post, or tube, or almost like a free standing fence, but, a solid, round, tube, that, he was polishing, and he was about half way, through, the project, holding it up off the ground. Much, like an old brass bed, with balls of brass, on top of the bed posts, only this was much, larger than what would be on a bed, but, the part that Jerry had done, was all bright, shiny, copper colored, and the other, end, ball and all, were this dark, almost black, stuff, could have been tarnish, soot, or something, substance, that was, on the free standing post, or that private post, peace officers standards and training, comes to mind, as a symbolic, representation, that tube or post, my indicate, cops! But, half was uncovered, or clean, and polished, in his work, and the other was not! But, the feel was light, clean, brisk, fun, engaging, and kind of like our relationship, while political, always, was.
As, I look back, on even Jerry and my relationship, I kind of get the feeling that he was a set up, an FBI dating service match up, and a pretty damned good one, back after, I scored the highest on my con law, or constitutional law, final, being asked to work with, Professor Wilkins, after scoring that high . . . new world order, shit, and going after someone, who might cause or create some problems for those who thought the document dead, and Jerry while proclaiming to be, in favor of it, and actually, running for office on the Constitution Party, he was always, trying to get me to believe that it was dead! a sinking ship, which, seems to opposite of what, he did, until he told me his position on gays, and others, in a divided America, white nationalist, maybe even a white supremacists? I think he has morphed, not being around me, to fight him, and his crazy ass ideas, down, but I would guess that he is right there with Trump! I would have to check that, but he makes sense, we raised our kids together, and they are all still friends! LOL.
We had this family thing going on, that was probably more fun, for both our families, than, had we stayed married to, or first spouses, and we might be looked at as more, parent material, by each other's kids, if we did get remarried. I did marry him after, we had not seen each other for 2 years, and was diagnosed to DIE, not quite the hot, assistant attorney general, professor of the first go around! He couldn't handle the change, and I didn't blame him! THINGS HAVE CHANGED, BUT THE QUESTION IS, HAS JERRY? LOL. CLASH . . . we were so busy fighting over politics or religion, that the kids just blended and had a great time, while we fought! LOL.
MY OVERALL IMPRESSION OF THIS DREAM, WAS, THAT, BRASS BALL TO BRASS BALL, I HAVE BEEN WITH COPS, STARTING WAY, BACK, AT THE BEGINNING OF MY LAW CAREER, TOP BRASS, ALL THE WAY, BUT, LAYERED, COVERED, UNDER DEEP COVER! BUT THE THOUGHT CAME, THAT IF INVESTIGATORS ARE GOING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED TO ME, THE SILVER SPOON GAL, EVEN JERRY USED TO SAY, THAT, I WAS BORN WITH A SILVER SPOON IN MY MOUTH, AND EVERYTHING WAS HANDED TO ME? WHAT THE FUCK? HE WAS THE TRUST FUNDER! HE MADE MORE FOR BREATHING, THAN I MADE, WORKING FOR THE AG'S OFFICE, RIGHT OUT OF LAW SCHOOL, AND BEING A PROFESSOR!
DREAM #3 . . . THIS DREAM, WITH MY 3RD HUSBAND, WAS MORE LIKE, HEATHCLIFF, AND THE "DARK SHADOWS" SOAP OPERA! I WOKE UP WITH, SHEAR, PAIN, IN MY CHEST, ABOUT, 2:00 AM!
From what I recall of the dream, other than the pain, Brett Todd Stewart or Stuart, first is the family spelling, from Wellsville, Utah, was, that, Brett was, in a bath tub, and while I was trying to process, the dream, the picture of Clint Eastwood, in some western, a famous picture, was, taking a bath, in a ball and claw, old fashioned, free standing bathtub, and that seemed to be the picture that came to mind, as the dream faded, leaving, mainly, the dark foreboding, feel, and tone to it. The only words, I remember, saying, were something, like, after the first, either 5 weeks, or first 5 months, I should have done, something, left him, seen the writing on the wall, or gotten away from him! This was not a happy dream, even though, Brett and I lived, together, out in Mount Sterling, Utah, on some family farm property, that was beautiful, and the thoughts, of Brett, making a private ski hill for us both to ski, in the beautiful, hills, under sparkling winter, blue skies, and sunshine, or, the late fall days, walking hand in hand, counting wild turkeys, that passed us on a mountain, trail, with me staying up in the hills, while he worked, and used, binoculars, to watch to make sure I was safe, later, coming with, a frozen pizza, Diet Coke, and donuts, or some snack, making a fire, after, building me a throne, made out of rocks, making a fire pit, cooking the pizza on an open fire, making love under the harvest moon, deciding it was too bright to sleep, walking laughing, joking, telling Halloween, stories, walking past the wheat fields, gently blowing, in the night wind, hearing, coyotes, howling between us and our straw bale house . . . so, why the dream so dreary?
THE PAIN . . . IN THE DREAM, I TOLD HIM, OF THE PAIN, I ALSO, FELT, DURING, OR RATHER, AFTER, THE RELATIONSHIP ENDED, AND THE REASONS, BOTH GOOD AND BAD? I woke with this pit in my gut, and sadness, that he seemed oblivious to? I know he hurt when, I left, but, time had hardened him, and he had Kay, or rather, his, attempt, to replace me and what we had . . . LOTAJ, that was a brand of something, that always made me think, after leaving him, that Kay had a lot of J in her, friends, grew up together, both went to law school, and, we both, would consider, each other, in our class of women, however, I was more successful, still am, without, her, using me to bouy, or prop her up, with my name, my credentials, my resume, my hot jobs that got her jobs, that should have been mine, and still, help her steal my blogging money to this day, with Brett and her attempting to even claim my kids are their kids!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUCKING DAMNED RIGHT PAIN! I AM SURE, THAT WAS HIS GOAL! BUT, LOVE, WAS THE REASON, NOW, JUST PAIN.
Again, I woke at, again, 2:00 AM, wondering if it was time to get up, the pain, subsided from the dream, a pain, I had not felt before, or refused to acknowledge, being, a rather, happy person by nature, but I have been through the mill and back, gutter and all, because of the men in my life! But, something that happened about a week ago, hit me, and started to take shape in my mind, that started to add understanding and comprehension, to my mind, to ease the pain, of the last, 12 years, since leaving Brett, and all this shit! Last Sunday or the week before, I got up, way early, and decided, to go to Everette, the heat was starting up, like it always does, so a day out of town, or a change of jurisdictions, always, seems to help, so, I was at the bus, about, 5:00 AM, early, and there was this couple, waiting for a bus too, on 4th, the girl, reminded me of Kay, and the guy, Brett, and they were in love, she was hugging on him, he kissing her, and for a second, I thought, that all this time, the two of them, were at war with me, or trying to steal my identity, kids, music, cases, blogs, blah, blah, blah they had each other, and that gave me a pang of jealousy, probably, the first, I have felt, mainly, RAGE!
What was interesting, is that, after, the couple departed, she on the bus and he on foot, parting is such sweet sorrow, I got on another bus, not the one the chick was on, and after rounding the corner, and heading, near, Bartells, also symbolic, BAR TELLS, or you can tell, that I am a member of the BAR, or a letter, lawyer, and that you can tell! But, with the sun, starting to come up, there was the dude, that looked like Brett, standing, near my bus! He didn't get on, and I am not sure what the hell he was doing, other than, following some, unknown, trail, or whatever, but, the song on my little handy, RCA, neck collar, radio, said, now is the time, to learn to love again, and again, and again. The combination of, the Brett-look-alike, no so handsome, but size-wise and girlfriend, Kay-like, a small, size wise, Brett, used to say, how nice it was to date someone taller, than, his normal girlfriends, all short, and he had to bend over to kiss them, or put his arms around them, not so, with someone, 3 to 4 inches, taller, than, Kay, or Nancy, or Artemis! But, the thought, came, that, he went with Kay, and had to learn to love her, and that she was as close as he could get her me. That all this, was to be with me, or get as near and dear as he could.
Several songs, came to mind, that have reminded me over the years, and Brett is a painful one, took care of me, helped heal me, but, I figured he was an undercover cop, with surveillance, and I hated his position on the new, TSA, allowing, or trying to allow, searches of airport, vehicle trunks, and stuff, that violates the 4th amendment, and he defended, 9/11 and all Bush's shit, to put the Patriot Act in place, so while we were a match, and he said, if he were female and I male we would be each other, so, probably, an FBI DATING game match up, to perfection, all but, in the area of the United States Constitution! From Jerry to Miles, to Kennedy, top brass, and cops for the Patriot Act! All HONEY TRAPS, and all sent to get me under control. But, some of the songs, were . . . I'm still not over you . . . nobody knows, but me, that I miss you. But, I know, that he was in pain, at the time, the tears under the sunglasses, the drunk night, he came crying to my door, the rush, to call me back, when, I wanted to show him, that I made it to the U.S. Supreme Court! I was pretty committed to him too, figured Mormon style, that, he needed to be with Kay, someone, not dying, who could hike and bike, roller blade, and have more fun with him, no someone dying! I NEVER DREAMED, THAT, TAKING ME UP, ON THAT, MEANT, SHE WOULD ACTUALLY BECOME ME! FUCK?
JOIN THE LA FITNESS COMMUNITY . . . NO, THE LA FITNESS COMMUNITY IS JOINING ME! YESTERDAY, THE CHICK CLEANING, WAS HANGING AROUND ME LIKE A FLY ON SHIT! THERE WERE FOUR, DUDES, AT THE RECRUTING DESK, GENERALLY, ONE OR TWO, NEVER FOUR, AND ONE, APPEARED TO BE AN AMPED UP, HOPPED UP, GOVERNMENT ISSUE, BALD, COP LOOKING ACTING DUDE, READY, TO JUMP, ON MY ASS, LUCKILY, CHICK GAVE ME THE HEADS UP, SO I DITCHED OUT ON SWIMMING, PUT ON MY MAKE-UP, AT THE BUS TERMINAL, AND SPLIT, BY NOT WEARING A BALL CAP, NONE OF THEM, HAVE EVER SEEN ME WITHOUT ONE, AND CHICK, GOT A CLUE THAT I WAS ONTO HER, SO SHE, DITCHED LONG ENOUGH FOR ME TO BOUNCE THE JOINT!
IT'S NOT OVER YET! BLACK, DUDE, RECRUIT TRAINER, FOLLOWED ME TO THE BELLEVUE TRANSIT CENTER, OR SHOWED UP, AFTER LUNCH AT SOPHIA'S PLACE AND TRIED TO BE INCONSPICUOUS, THEN, OF ALL THE SHOCKS, I TOOK THE 271, BUS TO ISSAQUAH TO CHECK OUT THE HIKING, SO, BLACK MUSCLE DUDE, RATTED ON ME, AND SOME, INDIAN, GOT OFF THE BUS, AND REAL MENACINGLY, STARTED TO BUG THE SHIT OUT OF ME AT THE VERY DISERTED, ISSAQUAH TRANSIT CENTER, WHERE, THE SHUTTLE PICKS YOU UP . . . SO WHEN, THE 545, OR SOME BUS STRAIGHT SHOT TO SEATTLE ARRIVED, I JUMPTED IT, ONLY TO FIND, LA FITNESS, CODY, THE DUDE WHO SIGNED ME UP, WITH THE MEMBERSHIP! HE WAS KEEPING HIS HEAD DOWN, SO I WOULDN'T NOTICE HIM, AND I HIT THE BACK OF THE BUS! HE GOT OFF AT THE MERCER ISLAND STOP? A 10 MINUTE RIDE FROM, THE BELLEUVE TRANSIT CENTER TO MERCER? WHY THE 30 TO 40 MINUTE RIDE TO ISSAQUAH TO FOLLOW ME? WAY, WAY OUT OF HIS WAY?
CODY IS FROM IDAHO, SO HE COULD BE MORMON, THE COPS WITHIN THE COPS? BUT HE WOULDN'T HAVE KNOWN, I WAS HEADING TO LA FITNESS, UNLESS, SOMEONE PROFILED ME, I HAD BEEN ASKING ABOUT THE YMCA PRICES AND ACTUALLY, CALLED, THAT DAY, AND WAS ON ME WAY THERE, DECIDED, WHEN I SAW, THE CONVENIENCE OF THE LA FITNESS TO TRY THAT . . . SO, DID SOMEONE, SEND, CODY, THERE?
ONE OF THE PROBLEMS WITH THIS FBI DATING GAME, IS THAT, A MATCH FOR ME, MAKES ME A MATCH FOR THEIR TOP BRASS . . . IF THE RELATIONSHIP GOES TO SHIT, SUDDENLY, I GET A HIT OUT ON ME! OR A SHITTY HAIR CUT, OR THE COPS START FOLLOWING ME, ON SOME BOGUS, FUCKED UP, WARRANT, THAT, GENERALLY IS THE CRIMES OF THE NEW GIRLFRIEND, USED TO MAKE ME JEALOUS, WHICH I DON'T DO MUCH!
GO BACK TO SOME OF MY FIRST BLOGS, THE SMARTEST THING, I DID AS A NEW ASSISTANT ATTORNEY GENERAL, WAS TO NEVER MIX, BUSINESS, WORK AND PLEASURE, NEVER DATE ANYONE, WHOM WORKED WITH ME! THAT SEEMS TO BE THE GOAL, OF THE FBI AND CIA, TO WORK WITH THE EYE CANDY, AND FUCK THEM DURING BREAKS! BIG, BIG ASS MISTAKE, TO MIX THING UP THIS WAY.
IN THE MOVIE, BLUE STEEL, VERY APPROPRIATE, AS BLUE STEAL, WITH JAMIE LEE CURTIS AS THE HONEST COP, AND HER TOO, BUT THE DETECTIVE SHE WAS SLEEPING WITH, AND ALMOST GOT KILLED, BUT BEFORE HE SLEPT WITH HER, SAID, YOU ARE THE TYPE OF WOMAN, THAT GETS PEOPLE AROUND HER KILLED! LOVE, SEX, PASSION, LUST, ALL CREATE BAD ASS SHIT IN THE WORK PLACE, AND CAUSE, TONS OF PEOPLE TO GET HURT, OR KILLED!
FROM WHAT I CAN TELL, TOP BRASS, UNDER THE PATRIOT ACT, FEEL PERFECTLY FINE, TO KILL RIVAL MALES, ALMOST LIKE, DURING THE RUT SEASON IN HUNTING, OR WITH ELK OR DEER, MOOSE, AND OTHER BIG GAME ANIMALS! LAW ENFORCEMENT IS NOT A GAME, THIS SHIT HAS TO STOP . . . YOU ARE TO UPHOLD THE LAWS, FAITHFULLY, NOT USE, THIS AS YOU HUNTING GROUNDS, TO MATE, OR KILL RIVALS! 26 PEOPLE DEAD, 4 LOVERS, ALL, SUSPECTED OF BEING KILLED? BY COPS?
