SOUL MATES
I walked out of the restrooms, at the Kalispell If Library, on a couple of occasions, and out of the thousands of books, on the shelf, the one with the huge title, with red block letters, SEX, jumped out at me. Of course, I ignored it, and went on my merry way, reading the newspaper, or writing my block, rarely ever picking up a book. So, on the second or third time, that my eye, went straight to the book, I picked it up and did the speed read, looking at the titles and subtitles, on the table of contents, and nothing really jumped out at me, so I put it back, thinking that I didn't have a library card, and blah, blah, blah, thinking of every reason not to read the book. But being the psychic researcher that I was named while in Chicago, while working for Americans United for Life, or AUL, I decided, that beyond the curiosity on the subject, and always looking to improve my skills as a lover, wife, or whatever, I felt that I needed to read this book, and do it justice. Now, there was nothing earth shattering, nothing really new, and nothing that shocked my senses, but it was, real, down to earth, common sense, which is where I want my world to be.
I first came across the concept of the term, soul mate, while searching for answers, to what happened to me, when I met a particular guy, while I was, apparently, not as happy, as I thought I was, with four children, around the age of 28, and starting back to college, at Weber State University, in the early 80's, probably around 1983, because I started attending night classes, while I was pregnant with, Elliot, my youngest son. About one year after he was born, I ventured back into the classroom, and on the first day of school, I walked by a group of young men, and I was young and fit, but that didn't seem to be the attraction, maybe. As I walked by, one of the guys, followed me into the classroom, that was completely empty, and he came and sat down right next to me, and said, Hi, My name is Mike, what is yours . . . at that moment, I couldn't remember my name, I felt like someone took a knife, and tore through my flesh, cut my heart out, threw it on the floor, and stomped on it! I managed, to get my first name out, JoAnn, hoping he didn't notice how awkward, nervous and stupid I felt.
Love at First Sight . . . It Really Does Exist
I was much like I am now, back then, kind of sarcastic and cynical, pooh, poohing, all the love songs, that say, you took my breath away, I can't breath without you, you had me at hello . . . as pure crazy shit. But, after class, trying to ignore, Mike with all I could muster, I went straight to me best friend's house, and asked Janis, my self outside of self, if she had ever felt, love at first sight, or if she believed in it? She told me, it had never happened to her, but, she could imagine that it was a possibility. The next time class was held, I waited, until the last second, which is uncharacteristic of this anal retentive, perfectionist, at least back in the day, to see where Mike parked his ass, making sure, that he didn't sit by me again, EVER! From that moment on, I suppressed all those emotions I felt, that first day, and actually forgot about them, denying really, that it was anything, more than a passing fancy, he is extremely good looking and still is.
With that behind us, we became fast friends, competitors, vying for top grades, the best papers, and eventually, we were both, named honored humanities students, and outstanding English majors. At graduation, I didn't even bother to go say good bye to Mike, who had made a bigger deal about, many things, like wanting me to take a cooking class with him, or asking me to judge his business proposal, obviously, because he valued a smart person, like me, opinion, nothing more. He would always ask me about my marriage to Zeke or Richard, couldn't be happier, great, cool, etc. He tried to get me to read this book, called The Broken Covenant, which I refused to do. He wanted me to go to law school with him, and I said, yeah, like I have 4 children at home, not going to happen. Mike, even called me, and was willing to take a year off law school, allegedly to play in a band, and where did I think he should take his summer, internship in the field of law . . . why is he asking me this? I was in 100%, total and complete denial!
Ayn Rand's FOUNTAINHEAD . . . I Am in Love with Howard Roark . . . Mike, I Guess I Am Kind of Like Him . . . Only in Your Dreams Sweetheart!
One year, while Mike was in law school, at BYU, where I also attended, starting a year or two after Mike left, but, again, in total denial of any deep seeded feelings for this, off the charts, handsome, soon to be attorney, I was attending a BYU Women's Conference, and decided to pay him a visit at the law school, which I was familiar with, due to a family scholarship, that I had attended the interviewing process and award ceremony, on several occasions. Mike was busy, distracted, and said he would meet me across the street at the Wilkinson Center, maybe for lunch, cool. In the mean time, I purchased a copy of the Fountainhead, loving the philosophy of objectivism, the characters, and I did have to admit, to some extent, the personalities, of the main characters, did, somewhat remind me of me and Mike, but I would never have admitted that to him, in 10 million light years, because, I was still, happily married.
Betrayed by myself again! I gave Mike the book, like he was going to have time to read it, and said that I was in love with the main, male character, Roark. He retorted back, I guess he reminds you of me, or something along those lines . . . only in your dreams . . . Mike, didn't say a word, and got up and walked away. Right then, someone took a knife, and slashed, and burned through my heart, the second time, with this guy! I started to cry uncontrollably, actually weeping, just as it started to snow, turned into a blizzard, while I put my sunglasses on, to hide my tears, and my red flushed face. During that visit, Mike told me that I was too ambitious, meaning, you are not the type of wife, I am looking for . . . he had never been married, and I was 8 years older than he was. Fine! He knew me, again, better than I knew myself, I was too ambitious, got accepted to law school, a year later, and called to tell him, and he was pissed as hell, because, by this time, I was divorced, and he is looking at another three years, already approaching his mid-twenties, which is old for the Mormon Church marriages. Mike, yelled in the phone, I hope you have fun in law school!
The Law is a Jealous Mistress & Master . . . 20 Years Passed
Last year, out of the blue, I had three dreams with Mike in them, which shocked the hell out of me! Dream (1) I just went to visit him at his law office, and I was dressed, just like I had in law school, so I was dressed in the time period, when I last saw him, thin, cute, nice clothes, but a very casual visit, nothing earth shattering or strange, just a talk . . . but, it appeared to take both of us, back to the place we were, when we lost contact; (2) I don't recall what that one was about; and (3) I had a dream of all the parade of the horribles, from his life, as per women, his abusive mother and sister, where in the dream, and I was just standing there watching, more as an observer . . . the three women who had ruined his life? So, I looked up Mike's law firm, very successful, and to my surprise, had written a book, and done legislation, and had some very similar battles, issues, and fights, that I had, but in the area of construction law. Like is attracted to like . . . the Kabbalists believe that, and so do I, and the more alike you are, the greater the attraction, in my mind.
I was too afraid to call Mike directly, for fear, that something bizarre would happen, and I look like shit, so, thought, take the chicken shit way out, and write him and email, which is did. Soon after that, Mike's secretary, who must read his emails, called me, and we talked for about 30 to 45 minutes, just like we were old friends, and I was trying to dig up information on Mike, but she wouldn't tell me anything. Did he marry, Nancy or Patty, she wouldn't say, those were the candidates at the time, I blew him off for law school. I started to think that Mike was on the other end of the phone, and he was just listening, as I filled her in on my life a bit. On another occasion, I was in Las Vegas, going up to Utah, to do some legal work, so, I decided, I didn't give a rat's ass what I looked like, and I just wanted to see him, for old time sake. My hell, it had been 20 years, for God sake, so, vanity and pride aside, I decided, nothing romantic was really on the table, as, why not, visit. Again, his secretary told me he was busy, and flying somewhere, and needed to go. Whatever.
Funny Dream With Mike In It, Just Last Week . . . He is Still a Mystery to Me
I would guess, that Mike reads my blog, just out of curiosity, or I would think that from the dream, due to the content. And, I think I had just started the blog, about the time I had the last dreams, so, there is good likelihood, and I also, emailed everyone, when I started the blog, and when Google, or the NSA shut it down, early on. Here is the very simple dream: Mike is dressed to kill, in a very expensive suit, even nicer than any of the ones in his pictures on his website, and he is tan, which he is not tan in any of his pictures either, actually he was more handsome, than I had seen him in a long time. Here is why I think he reads my blog, because, there was this woman, standing next to me, at the same airport, that I had called him from, a year earlier, and she was fat, and as ugly as a mug-whump, whatever that is, just a little troll, like looking woman, very non-decrepit hair, frumpy dress, and about as dull as you could imagine. But, I have to hand it to the Mike in the dream, but he actually leans over a kisses, this woman, with more than a grandma, or friend kiss, directly on the mouth, and he was kissing her over and over, but not liking it too much, but seemed to really be trying to like this woman, and find some spark of attraction! LOL!
I am just standing there, wondering, if this is a case of mistaken identity, or that I am a victim of my own creative writing, or self deprivation, and some how, I have conveyed this message, that I am far uglier than I actually am. I never really interfered in the kissing, but I did stand there amused, to think that he might actually think this woman was me, according to my own self description! LOL! And that was the end of the dream. So, what does that all mean, nothing! I didn't call him, write him, just found the dream, somewhat amusing, and thought, now would be a great time to go pay a visit, because, Mike has an idea in his mind, that I am absolutely hideous, and so anything is going to be a step up! LOL! And, I am going to St. George for Thanksgiving, and will most likely end up in Vegas, during my stay, hit the Blue Martini for dancing! What do I have to lose, and Mike is in for a big surprise, I may be fat, but I am still attractive--when I was young, the next door neighbor, a very beautiful woman herself, told my mother that I had the most perfect face, she had ever seen . . . and it hasn't changed all that much from the time Mike saw me, or so I think. But, with two guys trying to pick up on my yesterday, one giving me a ride to the library, saying a beautiful woman like you should not be out in the cold, when I told him I was waiting for the bus, with my imaginary boyfriend driving and wanting to see him, before the long week end . . . so who cares if I see Mike, right?
I think for right now, this new guy, whom I have had a crush on for at least a year, going from just wanting to sport fuck him each morning on the bus, to motivate me to get to the gym each morning, until the first morning I was going to carry my fun plans, into effect, there were at least 25 students on the 7:00 a.m., run! What do these guys think, this is PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION OR SOMETHING! With that plan going up in smoke, with the law of attraction kicking in all the time, like a fucking yo yo, with him the puppet master, I leave, then I come back, I leave again, I come back again, and so forth and so on . . . he fits me much better than Mike, however, he is living with a girl friend, so, whatever. The book, as I see it, or I would not be hanging around this long, states, that we have a course to go on, relationships, marriages, and all kinds of lessons to learn, feats to do, and changes to make before we are actually ready to meet our soul mate, and they may actually be in another relationship when you meet them . . . great taste is messy!
I am always open, to whatever, I am willing to wait, until someone else comes along, that might match me better, and in the mean time, I will just have fun, go to Vegas, go dancing, hook up with two of the guys I met, that wanted to marry me, last time I was there, and see where the roads in life take me. This guy may never get out of his relationship, and I am not dumb enough to think he might actually get out of it for me, he strikes me as the family man type, has some great things going on with her, they have fun family traditions, and they share a house, and kids, responsibilities, and I am, again, older than he is; however, I was first attracted to him at a purely animal level, and just wanted to fuck him, but riding on the bus, we have gotten to know each other better, and the more I know, the more I like, I am getting to the soul of this guy, who he is, what he thinks, love that he loves to garden, to can fruit and vegetables, I love the way he treats his mother, and he might care how I think about that too, because after she rode twice on the bus with him, and I got to joke around with mother and son, I think she knew something was up, at least on my end, she may read the blog, or seemed to know me, and each time, which is several times a day, he stopped to pick me up, Mom, gave me a big grin, like she could tell, that I lived her son!
One of the songs, that was playing on the radio, while the three of us were talking and laughing, was So happy together . . . and I think we would be! Love is patient, love is kind, love is long-lasting, if it is meant to be, it will be, I can wait. Or maybe I won't, who in the hell, but God, knows, certainly not me! LOL! I have learned to let life take its course, and love who is placed in your path, because they might just teach you what you need to know, so when you do find your soul mate, you are ready, for the relationship, that is right for you, that you will grow the most in, and find the most satisfaction, not only sexually, but in every other aspect of your life.
What You Resist, Persists . . . Never Say Diet!
My normal course of affairs, is that once I find out that a guy is married or in a serious relationship, it is totally hands off, which I have done . . . but, he is not married to her, so the door is somewhat open, but I am still respectful, and to tell you the truth, he has made me trust men, more, that there are guys who are honorable, and really are faithful, because, at one point, and I was just toying with him, because I thought he was an undercover cop, trying to watch what I was doing and where I was going, and he was a bit meaner, before, but he turned to me, and said, You need to get a car! He doesn't realize that I had 5 fucked up with cop shit, and they are just not like replacing a shirt or something, and they stop me, every time I try! Now, there are two reasons that he would want me to get a car, if he was undercover, and he was sick of the wheels on the bus, going round and round, all through the town, and wanted to get off duty, or he was liking me, and didn't want to see me every day. So, I decided to bug him even more, just popping in and out of town, and then, showing up in unexpected places, to see his reaction, which, was generally, surprise and asking me where I had been, happy to see me, or doing a complete double take, when I showed up in town, after being off on another adventure, for a few months, or weeks,
Resistance is one of the key principles, of the Kabbalah SEX book . . . and let me tell you, it works, the more I resist, just grabbing him, and doing whatever, I want with him, the fucking more I want him! It is kind of like going on a diet, like a can't do, but the second, I tell myself, I can't have food, the more I want it when I wasn't even hungry . . . the fact that he has a girlfriend, is a big deterrent for me, because, if I was with him, I sure as hell would not want some bitch on the bus, stealing my guy; therefore, it is hands off, but I can't keep my eyes off of him, and he is starting to miss stops, looks a me, wears sunglasses, to cover looking at me, and the other day, he grabbed my toes, through my shoes, and ask me what I was doing, and I said, trying to trip you up . . . I was turned on the whole bus ride! Do I want to touch him, hell yes! Do I think it is wise or a good idea to touch, him, NO! The last thing I need it to get into a three way relationship, and get my ass shot off from some jealous girlfriend! LOL! My solution is generally to leave . . . so, as of next week, I am out of here, before, I do something, I will regret, but resistance, from cheating on a spouse, or a lover, or, in my case, cheating with someone, is one of the key elements of getting to great sex, so, whomever I end up with, I will wait, and they recommend, marriage . . . resistance, that was part of the trouble with Mike! Shit, so for being good, it brings me closer to them?
Adam & Eve Started This Whole Mess
This is the theory behind the Kabbalah, and the way to have enduring, passionate and loving sex with the same partner, once you find the soul mate partner, and you are not just passing through a relationship, for what you need to learn from that person, leading you one, after the reason for the relationship is fulfilled, and all of the sudden, that draw, or the attraction, the sex, or the power of the relationship is gone. I kind of look at it as, ships passing in the night, at some point, you match up, or are next to this ship, however, if you keep going, you have missed an opportunity, for growth, for loving, for growing, by not, turning your ships in the same direction, and going for a while together. I don't look, at divorce, or a break up the way most people do, I look at it, as a fulfillment of a common goal, teaching, learning, marriage or a relationship is not even about the couple, generally, unless it is in that soul mate realm, or getting back to the other half of ourselves, kind of the good, better, best match, where the most happiness can be found . . . not that the others were not great for the time, even the best for that time in your life, or at that stage of development for the time, but, they may not necessarily be, the other half, the one, who is like you, as in the law of attraction, but the time was well spent, and worthwhile, and accomplished the goals, the events, the improvement, that may prepare us for that one great one . . . I used to think that, the Kabbalah says that, and it might have convinced me, that there really is your perfect other half, that just being the difference between male and female, is enough to keep the game interesting, but also, the more rewarding, comfortable, and loving.
The Great Metaphor: From the Garden, to Earth, Back to the Garden
There is a scripture, that says, when looking at the creation of Adam and Eve, that God created he them, male and female, in his like image . . . I have a personal belief, that the Book of Proverbs, in the Old Testament, refers to wisdom, and makes it sound like that is God's wife, to me . . . I was there before the fountains, before the waters, before the creation, as one daily in his delight . . . wife? What does Eve partake of, the fruit, for it will make you wise. Back to Proverbs, a good woman, is better than gold and silver, and just as rare, but her treasures will make you all that your are suppose to be, take you back to the Garden of Eden state, where the Kaballah, states, that the male and the female were one, the same, connected, and together, that the fall, which needed to happen, was a separation, of the male from the female, and we spend all out time on earth, trying to find that one, reconnect, and make the two gender halves, whole, finding the state, that will bring us back, to the most light, the highest pleasure, the most amazing sex, and the happiest state, that was our condition before the fall of man! The great mystery, is that, and it really is all about SEX! The loss of innocence, but the ultimate fulfillment, a human being can have!
The Adversary, or Satan, the Snake Is Real . . . Keeping the Symbolic Adam & Eve From Getting Back Together, Using the 1%, Tempting Them to Resist The Real, or the 99%, the Soul!
I have been brutal, with the tits and ass, scenarios, because, that is not where it is at, not where happiness it at, not where lasting pleasure, or even amazing sex is at . . . it comes from finding, through the law of attraction, your soul mate, who just might not be the sexiest, or have the best body, but matches you in so many other ways, that sex, will continue to be satisfying, because you love the person so much, through respect, desire to hang out, feeling at ease and happy when you are around them. How do they treat others, your mother, your child, your friends, what are their values, likes and dislikes . . . as the book says, if you don't have the 99%, the 1% is toast, after just a year, no matter how great looking someone is. There is an example in the book, where Michael, was bored in his marriage, so he started to flirt with his secretary, then that turned into an affair, then he ran a modeling agency, and he started having sex with all the top models, then two and three at a time, to get a buzz, after than he needed drugs, and you get the picture, porn, animals, S&M, torture, to get that over the top sexual high. He said, that the sex as amazing, but in the morning, the models, made him sick, he hated them, they disgusted him, and the high, now created a new low.
Finally, Michael, got into studying Kaballah type sex, resisting, porn, masturbating--all forms of cheating your soul mate or partner of the time, distracting light and energy away from the relationship . . . it takes energy, that can go into a better experience than you hand, because, there is something mystical, about the sharing process, doing sex for something other than self-fulfillment, and resisting, there it is again, the selfish sex, and putting those energies, that light, that is what the book refers to as the sperm, or the ejaculation, light, a bit sexist, in parts, with the male being the higher energy, the female the lower, and the cum, as the all giving life . . . guess what, without the woman, you couldn't give birth or create either, her juices are equally as important, but he was using the light bulb analogy, with the positive and negative charges, but the woman is always the lower, the lesser, the negative . . . hell without Eve, Adam would still be sitting in the garden, still be innocent, and you would never have had SEX! That God for EVE! And men, stop blaming the woman for everything, Adam partakes of the fruit, willingly!
Keeping SEX Great . . . RESIST It! 12 Days Guys for a Period
The Kaballah, recommends that when a woman is on her period, or menstruating, that the man or husband, should abstain from sex for 12 days, giving 5 days for the normal time of a period, then he should go another 7 days, after that, and see what happens. Michael, our subject and his wife, Marlene, I think, had a hell of a time, doing that one, the guy was ornery, mean, frustrated, and a royal pain in the ass, so to say. But he said, that even the first night, that they were not suppose to have sex, they started wanting it, more than they ever did, in years, kind of like kids again. All the old feelings that you first felt, when you met someone you liked back in the day, when you were young, and just a touch of the foot, turned you on, even more than sex, after the numbing down and fire died with someone, it can come back! Great news for couples, but he said, after he got more used to resisting sex, he started to dream about it all night long, just like he did when they were first dating, and started just loving the hell out of his wife, where before he had been very selfish. He couldn't wait to touch her, and all the reasons he married her, came flooding back . . . she said, he was much more kind, considerate, and nicer, than he had been in years, when he was totally focused on satisfying all his sexual urges and desires, the magic came back, and the marriage was like it was the first year they were married, when they had sex all the time, but for the 12 days . . . luckily, I don't have a period anymore! LOL!
In all seriousness, after I had been married for about 10 years, or so, I saw an Oprah, with a doctor, who advocated that if couples lost the attraction or the fire for each other sexually, they should resist or abstain, from having sex for a week or so. I told my husband we should try it . . . never day, diet! It didn't take 10 minutes of laying in bed and we were fucking all over each other again! So, from personal experience, it really works, reverse psychology. So, all the trappings of sex, the black dress, the boob jobs, the penis extenders, all the sexy underwear, and all, are going to get you up, but that doesn't last. Now, that is not saying that it would not be great to have the 100%, but that is about as realistic as whatever. I know, I can think a guy is hot, and he treats someone bad, or is an ass to me, and that feeling is dead in about two seconds . . . I don't tolerate much.
HIGHLIGHTS FROM THE BACK OF THE BOOK
- Sex is the most powerful spiritual tool known to man.
- Foreplay is a vital aspect of lovemaking, according to Kabbalah. Kissing, for example, is a powerful way to merge souls. Why?
- Breath is essentially an aspect of a person's soul. When breath is commingled through passionate kissing, the two souls unite.
- And it cannot be simple little kisses. The kissing must be hot, passionate and wild!
I will second that with my whole heart, mind and soul. There was this attorney, who wanted to take me out. This guy was worth $40 million, his share of a worldwide company, plus he had a good law practice. I was not particularly interested in him, nor his money, and did everything I could, to warn him, not to kiss me, expect anything from me, and that was that. Then, he said to me,
You know what I miss most about being married? No? I miss my wife's breathing while we are kissing. I love to kiss, and consider myself, an expert in good kissing, but I had never thought about the breath, or someone's breathing. He said, do you want me to show you? Why not . . . I focused on his breath, the kissing, paying attention for the first time in my life, and let me tell you, it the kissing was hot, passionate and wild, and some other stuff too!
Again, personal experience, I must have connected with his soul, rather than his body. He had a gut, and I was in great shape at that time, and was not willing to give him the time of day, even though he was good looking, so I have my shallow side too, but, my hell, he was to some extent a soul mate, in the law, and many other things, and we even entertained getting married . . . but, I got poisoned and some fucking judge lined him up with someone less ambitious than myself, and she stroked his ego more, but, I wouldn't be so sure, he doesn't regret that now, a bit. Oh, which leads me to another really important point, EGO!
We Need to Make Decisions According to Happiness, Not Ego!
One of the main points the Kabbalah makes in, we have to let all ego go. If we are stroking our ego, we are going to chose the 1% over the 99%, going for the trophy wife, Fabio, the bad boy, who is hot, but doesn't have anything in common with you, other than sex. We marry to make our friends, the guys at the shop envious? Who has to live with the chick? If you don't have anything more than looks, hot body, and they don't clean a house, do a dish, take care of kids, help care for an aged parents, get along with the neighbors, are totally selfish, or spend too much money, and all that jazz, so much for the sex. If great bodies, looks, sex, and such were such a draw, none of the movie stars would ever be divorced! The couples, that I see make it, they golf together, ride motorcycles together, have fun with friends and family together, work in the garden, the yard, share a passion for travel, reading, old cars, or whatever . . . they dig being with each other!
Resist the thought, that while sex is what it is all about, sharing, receiving and loving, is all part of sex, and without it, kiss the sex good bye in about a year, on average, going for the next, then the next, then the next high sexually, never lasting, until artificial stimulants are needed, or twisted sex, or wife and husband swapping, or swinging . . . you have to go through the 1% to get to the 99%, or the 7th Heaven, the Garden of Eden, the soul mate, with sex, then being the most powerful spiritual tool known to man. I was shocked to find, that this book, on SEX, is actually in the religious section! But if it is put in its proper role, that is exactly where is should be, sacred, focused on satisfying the partner, before our own selfish desires, or making them, in violent or depraved acts, get us off!
I am always interested in one of the movie star magazines, People Magazine, I think, there is a section called, Love Lives . . . and rather than always looking at the couples who are getting divorces, or their marriages are falling apart, or they are cheating on each other, they show couples how are actually very much in love with each other, and that is a great service to people, to know, that in this world of sexually explicit, tempting, high voltage, gratified selfish desires, that there is a better way.
SEX IS FUCKING GOOD!
