GERMAN INTELLIGENCE
- The enlisted men descended upon Rome in gangs of twelve or more with Gargantuan appetites and heavy crates filled with canned food for the women to cook and serve to them in the dining room of their own apartment on the sixth floor of a red brick building with a clinking elevator. There was always more activity at the enlisted men's place. There were always more enlisted men, to begin with, and more women to cook and serve and sweep and scrub, and then, there were always gay and silly sensual young girls that Yossarian had found and brought there and those that the sleepy enlisted men returning to Pianosa after their exhausting seven-day debauch had brought there on their own and were leaving behind for whoever wanted them next. The girls had shelter and food for as long as they wanted to stay. All they had to do in return was hump any of the men who asked them to, which seemed to make everything just about perfect for them.
- The maid in the lime-colored panties was a cheerful, fat, obliging woman in her mid-thirties with squashy thighs and swaying hams in lime-colored panties that she was always rolling off for any man who wanted her. She had a plain broad face and was the most virtuous woman alive: she laid for everybody, regardless of race, creed, color or place of national origin, donating herself socially as an act of hospitality, procrastinating not even for the moment it might take to discard the cloth or broom or dust mop she was clutching at the time she was grabbed. Her allure stemmed from her accessibility, like Mt. Everest, she was there, and the men climbed on top of her each time they felt the urge. Yossarian was in love with the maid in the lime-colored panties because she seemed to be the only woman left he could make love to without falling in love with. Even the bald-headed girl in Sicily still evoked in him strong sensations of pity, tenderness and regret.
THEY WERE TRAPPED! I REMEMBER MY FATHER, BEING APPROACHED BY THE MAFIA, WHEN HE NEEDED MONEY, OR WAS EXPERIENCING FINANCIAL DIFFICULTY . . . HE SAID, NEVER TAKE MONEY FROM THE MOB, BECAUSE, THEY WILL CALL IN FAVORS, EVENTUALLY, AND YOU WILL HAVE NO CHOICE, BUT TO DO IT OR DIE! I ALWAYS HEEDED AND FOLLOWED THAT ADVICE!
GLORIOUS LOYALTY OATH CRUSADE
AKA, PATRIOT ACT BASED ON "PERSONALITY NOT PRINCIPLES"
- While Captain Black was imagining, Colonel Catheart was acting, and Captain Black was flabbergasted by the speed with which, he concluded, Major Mojor had outsmarted him. His great dismay at the announcement of Major Major's appointment as squadron commander was tinged with an embittered resentment he made no effort to conceal was tinged with an embittered resentment he made no effort to conceal. When fellow administrative officers expressed astonishment at Colonal Catheart's choice of Major Major, Captain Black muttered that there was something funny going on; when, they speculated on the political value of Major Major's resemblance to Henry Fonda, Captain Black asserted that Major Major really was Henry Fonda; and when they remarked that Major Major was somewhat odd, Captain Black announced that he was a Communist.
- "They're taking over everything," he declared rebelliously. "Well you fellows can stand around and let them if you want to, but I'm not going to. I'm going to do something about it. From now on I'm gong to make every son of a bitch who comes to my intelligence tent sign a loyalty oath. And I'm not going to let that bastard Major Major sign one even if he wants to."
- Almost overnight the Glorious Loyalty Oath Crusade was in full flower, and Captain Black was enraptured to discover himself spearheading it. He had really hit on something. All the enlisted men and officers on combat duty had to sign a loyalty oath to get their map cases from the intelligence tent, a second loyalty oath to receive their flak suits and parachutes from the parachute tent, a third loyalty oath for Lieutenant Balkinton, the motor vehicle officer, to be allowed to ride from the squadron to the airfield in one of the trucks. Every time they turned around there was another loyalty oath to be signed. They signed a loyalty oath to get their pay from the finance officer, to obtain their PX supplies, to have their hair cut by the Italian barbers. To Captain Black, every officer who supported his Glorious Loyalty Oath Crusade was a competitor, and he planned and plotted twenty-four hours a day to keep one step ahead. He would stand second to none in his devotion to the country. When other officers had followed his urging making every son of a bitch who came to his intelligence tent sign two loyalty oaths, then, three, then, four; then he introduced the pledge of allegiance, and after that "The Star-Spangled Banner," one chorus, two choruses, three choruses, four choruses. Each time Captain Black forged ahead of his competitors, he swung upon them scornfully for their failure to follow his example. Each time they followed his example, he retrated with concern and racked his brain for some new stratagem that would enable him to turn upon them scornfully again.
- Without realizing how it had come about, the combat men in the squadron discovered themselves dominated by the administrators appointed to serve them. They were bullied, insulated, harassed and soved about all day long by one after the other. When they voiced objection, Captain Black replied that people who were loyal would not mind signing all the loyalty oaths they had to. To anyone who questioned the effectiveness of the oaths, he replied that people who really did owe allegiance to their country would be proud to pledge it as often as he forced them to. And to anyone who questioned the morality, he replied that "The Star-Spangled Banner" was the greatest pice of music ever composed. The more lohalty oaths a person signed, the more loyal he was; to Captain Black it was as simple as that, and he had Corporal Kolodny sign hundreds with his name each day so that he could always prove he was more loyal than anyone else.
- "The important thing is to keep them pledging," he explained to his cohorts. "It doesn't matter whether they mean it or not. That's why they make little kids pledge allegiance even before they know what 'pledge' and 'allegiance' mean."
- To Captain Piltchard and Captain Wren, the Glorious Loyalty Oath Crusade was a glorious pain in the ass, since it complicated their task of organizing the crews for each combat mission. Men were tied up all over the squadron signing, pledging and singing, and the missions took hours longer to get under way . . .
- "Of course, it's up to you," Captain Black pointed out. "Nobody's trying to pressure you. But everyone else is making them sign loyalty oaths, and it's going to look mighty funny to the F.B.I. if you two are the only ones who don't care enough about your country to make them sign loyalty oaths, too. If you want to get a bad reputation, that's nobody's business but your won. All we're trying to do is help. . . .
- "National defense is everybody's job," Captain Black replied to Milo's objection. "And this whole program is voluntary, Milo--don't forget that. That men don't have to sign Piltchard and Wren's loyalty oath if they don't want to. But we need you to starve them to death if they don't. It's just like Catch 22. Don't you get it? You're not against Catch-22, are you?"
- . . .
- "Gimme eat."
- Instead of eat, Corporal Snark gave Major ----de Coverley a loyalty oath to sign. Major ----de Coverly swept it away with mighty displeasure the moment he recognized what it was. his good eye flar-displeasure up blindingly with feiry disdain and his enormous old corrugated face darkening in mountainous wrath.
- "Gimme eat, I said," he ordered loudly in harsh tones that rumbled ominously through the silent tent like claps of distant thunder.
- Corporal Snark turned pale and began to tremble. He glanced toward Milo pleadingly for guidance. For several terrible seconds there was not a sound. Then Milo nodded.
- "Give him eat," he said.
- Corporal Snark began giving Major ---- de Coverley eat. Major ----de Coverley turned from the counter with his tray full and came to a stop. His eyes fell on the groups of other officers gazing at him in mute appeal, and, with righteous belligerence, he roared:
- "Give everybody eat!"
- "Give everybody eat!" Milo echoed with joyful relief, and the Glorious Loyalty Oath Crusade came to an end.
WE DON'T TAKE COMPETING OATHS IN THIS COUNTRY . . . THERE IS ONE OATH, THAT ALL LOCAL, STATE, NATIONAL, AND INTERNATIONAL AMERICANS TAKE, AND THAT IS SIMPLY TO THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION! THE SUPREME LAW OF THE LAND! ARTICLE VI, SECTIONS 3 AND 4! THE PATRIOT ACT, DEALS WITH TERRORISTS, FOREIGNERS AND THOSE WITHOUT RIGHTS, NOT CITIZENS, OR VISITORS, ON VISA'S . . . BUT THEY ARE ENTITLED TO SOME CONSTITUTIONAL PROTECTIONS . . . EXECUTIVE ORDER FROM PRESIDENT OBAMA!
ONE NATION, UNDER GOD, WITH LIBERTY AND JUSTICE FOR ALL! UNITED WE STAND, DIVIDED WE FALL! I ASKED A FRIEND OF MINE, HOW, I CAN TAKE THE SAME OATH AS COPS, MILITARY, ALL ELECTED AND APPOINTED OFFICIALS, AND BE AT ODDS WITH THEM . . . "THEY TOOK ANOTHER OATH, THEY SEE AS HIGHER!"
GET THE FUCK OUT OF GOVERNMENT, STATE, LOCAL SERVICE, IF THAT IS WHAT YOU DID!
PRESIDENT TRUMP, FIRED, F.B.I., DIRECTOR, JAMES B. COMEY, FOR REFUSING TO BE LOYAL TO HIM, RATHER THAN TO THE RULE OF LAW, AND THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION, SAME WITH SALLY Q. YATES, U.S. ATTORNEY GENERAL, AND THAT, SIR, IS "UNAMERICAN!"
MOB SHIT!
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