PRACTICALLY MAGIC. GOGOGO. GUNSLINGER. FREEDOM IS WHAT YOU DO, WITH WHAT'S BEEN DONE TO YOU. --JOHN PAUL SARTE. DEALER IN EVERYTHING BY HENRY J. FATE. DID YOU GET HIM? NO MORE THAN HE GOT ME! THE STRENGTH OF A FAMILY, IS LIKE THE STRENGTH OF AN ARMY, IS THE LOYALTY WE HAVE FOR EACH OTHER. --MARCO PUZZO. OXEN HILL MENTAL INSTITUTION. TODAY IS WOULD HAVE BEEN MY 42ND, WEDDING ANNIVERSARY TO MY FIRST HUSBAND AND THE FATHER OF MY FOUR AMAZING CHILDREN. I CELEBRATE THAT DAY TODAY, MORE THAN I DID WHEN I MARRIED THE MAN, RICHARD CLIFTON SECRIST, BECAUSE, WE FUCKING PULLED IT OFF! LOL! WE DID IT! WE HELPED EACH OTHER TO BECOME, ALL THAT WE COULD BE, AND FACILITATED, GIVING OUR CHILDREN THE FREEDOM SETTING THEM ON THE COURSE TO BE ALL THAT THEY TOO CAN BE, AND THAT IS NOT EASY! WE DEFIED ALL ODDS, CHARTED OUR OWN COURSE, AND HAD THE BRAVERY, TO DO WHAT WE FELT, BEST FOR OUR FAMILY, IN PART AND IN WHOLE. HISTORY CAN TELL OUR STORY. WE DID SO WITH DIGNITY AND GRACE, NO PLAYING THE BLAME GAME, NO SECOND GUESSING OUR DECISIONS, NOT LOOKING TO PUT THOSE BURDENS ON OUR CHILDREN, AND THEN PROCEEDING WITHOUT THE GUILT AND GUILE THAT, BEGUILE MANY COUPLES, WHO HAVE THE CHOICE TO REMAIN TOGETHER, OR PART WAYS, NOT NECESSARILY TO FIND GREENER PASTURES, BUT, TO VENTURE OUT, GO FOR CHANGE, OPPORTUNITY, ROMANCE, AND POSSIBILITIES. FOR BETTER OR WORSE, MANIPULATED AND MATURED, TO MAKE THAT THE RIGHT DECISION. MY CHILDREN, LONG FOR A HOME BASE, SOMEWHERE TO CRASH, WHEN THEIR OWN LIVES AND DECISIONS GET TOUGH, WITH, NO REAL RIGHT OR WRONG, BUT, WITH BOTH BLESSINS AND CURSINGS, ON EITHER SIDE OF THE AISLE, WHETHER STEEPED IN THE TRADITIONS OF MATRIMONY OR FREE AS A BIRD, AND SEEMINGLY UNSUITABLE FOR MARRIAGE. THE MOVIE THE AGE OF INNOCENCE, SHOWED, THAT CHOICE BEST, WITH DANIAL DAY LEWIS, ENGAGED TO WYNONNA RYDER, BUT IN LOVE WITH MICHELLE PFIFFER . . . AT THE END OF THE SHOW, HAVING CHOSEN, TO MARRY AND HAVE CHILDREN, FOUR BY THE END OF HIS VERY SUCESSFUL LIFE AS AN ATTORNEY, AND PART OF THE RULING ELITE IN NEW YORK, HE BOTH CHERISHES HIS LIFE, AND CURSES HIS LIFE, AS, PFIFFER, AFTER A LONG ABSCENSE COMES TO VISIT HIM, WITH HIS SON REPORTING HER ARRIVAL, WHILE SHE WALKS OUT ON THE PEER, AND LOOKS AT EITHER THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN, BOTH REFLECTING ON THE LAST, 20 OR SO YEARS, SINCE THEY HAVE SEEN EACH OTHER. HE THEN, INSTRUCTS HIS SON, TO TELL HIS FORMER LOVER, AS I RECALL, FROM YEARS AGO, THAT, HE WILL NOT SEE HER, AFRAID OF THE PAIN, IT MIGHT CAUSE, NOT WANTING TO OPEN OLD, STILL VERY FRESH WOUNDS, CHOICING INSTEAD, TO RELISH, IN HIS CHILDREN, IN THEIR SUCCESSES AND THE JOYS OF FAMILY LIFE. EITHER WAY, WOULD HAVE CAUSED GRIEF AND PAIN, AND BETTER A PAIN YOU KNOW, RATHER THAN, ONE THAT YOU DON'T, THAT COULD CREEP UP ON YOU, AND YOUR HEART, ONCE AGAIN. LIFE IS INTERESTING, STRANGE, BEAUTIFUL, FULL OF CHOICES, THAT ONLY GET MORE COMPLICATED WITH AGE, AND TEND TO LEAVE SCARS ON OUR HEARTS, AND IN OUR MINDS, BOTH BLESSINS AND CURSING THOSE VERY HARD CHOICES, HOPING WE MAKE THE RIGHT ONE, OR THE BEST ONE, BUT WITH NO WAY TO TELL, UNLESS WE WERE ABLE TO LIVE BOTH LIVES, TO THE FULLEST, AND SEE WHICH DECISION PLAYED OUT THE BEST. I REMEMBER A SONG, THAT SAID, IT IS BETTER WE DON'T KNOW THE ENDING TO OUR STORIES, BECAUSE, WE MIGHT NOT HAVE MADE THE DANCE, THE PAIN TOO MUCH TO BEAR, AND THE COST TOO DEEP, HAD WE KNOWN. AS CHILDREN OF OUR PARENTS, LOOKING AT THE DECISIONS, THEY HAVE MADE, WE NEED TO JUST, BELIEVE, THAT THEY MADE THE BEST DECISION, WITH WHAT THEY WERE WORKING WITH, GIVEN THE PERSONALITIES, THE TEMPERAMENTS, THE NATURES, AND THE NEEDS, OF ALL CONSIDERED, AND THEN, JUST DID THE BEST WE COULD, GIVEN ALL THE CIRCUMSTANCES, NEVER MEAING TO HURT ANYONE. AND, THAT IS ABOUT ALL WE CAN EXPECT, FROM A PARENT, A CHILD, A LOVED ONE, AND THOSE, ENTANGLED IN OUR LIVES, EMESHED AND EMBROILED, IN THE DRAMA, OF A LOVER, LOVED ONE, OR THOSE CONNECTED TO US, HOPEUFLLY WITH ALL THINGS CONSIDERED, HAVING, BEEN AS THOUGHTFUL AND GOOD AS WE COULD POSSIBLY, BE EXPECTED TO BE. I LOVE THE ACRONYM, OR LITTLE DITTY, F.O.G., OR FORGIVENESS, OPTIMISM, AND GRATITUDE, NOT FOR WHAT WE DIDN'T HAVE, BUT FOR WHAT WE DID HAVE! WITH THE JOYS OF THE HOLIDAY SEASON UPON US, LET US REMEMBER, THAT WE ALL JUST DID THE BEST WE COULD BE EXPECTED TO DO . . . DNA, EXTERNAL FACTORS, PROPENSITIES, POTENTIAL, OPTIONS, ALL COME INTO PLAY, AND LIFE IS NOT EASY, NOBODY PROMISED YOU A ROSE GARDEN. WE ALL NEED TO ROLL WITH IT, ADJUST, AND DO OUR BEST AND THAT IS REALLY ALL WE CAN EXPECT OF ANYONE, OR OF OURSELVES. NOW THAT THANKSGIVING IS OVER, LET JOY, LOVE, HAPPINESS, THE SPIRIT OF GIVING, OF GENEROUSITY, OF FAMILY, FRIENDS AND ACQUAINTENCES, MAKE THIS COMING SEASON THE GREATEST ONE YOU HAVE EVER HAD. I HEARD A QUOTE ON "CRIMNAL MINDS" THIS MORNING, THE CRUEL HAVE A DARK SENSE OF HAPPINESS. LET THAT NOT BE US! LET OUR HEARTS AND HANDS BE CLEAN AND PURE, FULL OF LOVE AND CHARITY, MAKING THE SEASON BRIGHT, FOR EVERYONE. i STARTED TO CRY, SEEING A COOL, APPLE COMMERCIAL, SHOWING, WHAT APPEARED TO BE FRANKENSTEIN, OR AT LEAST SOMEONE, COMING OUT OF THE DARKNESS, WITH CHRISTMAS LIGHTS PULGED INTO HIS NECK, BUT, COMING TO THE LIGHTING OF THE TOWN CHRISTMAS TREE, WITH TOWNS FOLK AND CHILDREN GATHERED, STANDING IN SILENCE, AS A RECLUSIVE MEMBER OF THEIR SOCIETY, OR LEGEND, MONSTER, OR WHATEVER, CAME WALKING INTO TOWN, WANTING TO SEEK COMFORT AND FAMILIARITY, AMONG HIS OWN, WHEN HE STARTS TO SING, "HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS" AND WITH EVERYONE LOOKING ON, IN SILENCE, SOME YOUHG GIRL, JOINS IN SINGING THE CHRISTMAS SONG, AND SOON EVERYONE JOINS IN . . . WITH THE GREAT CAPTION, SAYING, "MAKE CHRISTMAS GREAT FOR EVERYONE!" SOB. LOVE IS THE ANSWER! MAKE PEACE ON EARTH HAPPEN . . .

Complexities of Families and Family Life--Criminal Minds Kind . . . Two Episodes that Look at Family Ties of Different Kinds, With Meaning to Some and Strange Twists to Others!  Now, Most True Crime Shows are Based in Part or Whole on Real Events that Happen to Real People, with the F.B.I., Involved!  These Are Two Such Cases

ELLIOT'S POND

In the first episode, called, strangely enough, Elliot's Pond, three kids, who were the products of a divorce, were suppose to go with their father for the weekend and  his new wife, named Shelley, ironically, enough, but, two of the siblings refused to go, and took off to the local fishing and swimming hole, to find solace and comfort in the familiar.  The older brother, comes to find them, and encourages them to come to their father's house for the weekend, as they are suppose to do and do so without questions.  The younger children argue that they did not like, their step-mother, Shelley, because she talked badly of their own mother, when they were visiting with their father.  The brother is successful, telling them, that, maybe they will go to the movies, again, like last time, and that wasn't that bad, so the other two kids, a brother and sister, start back to the house, while the older brother, who rode his bike to the pond, took to the road, with the younger brother and sister, never making it back, home that night, first with the younger brother getting separated in the corn fields, from his sister, then, both of them, stopping to take care of a wounded animal, to later have a light in the darkness focus on them, with them disappearing, never to be seen or heard from again!  The older brother, the last one to see them alive, was blamed by the sheriff and the town people alike, as being the one who murdered his missing brother and sister!

Jump forward, 33 years, and all the sudden, three boys, disappeared, and many wondered, if the kidnapper, or serial killer, reappeared on the scene, and was back at his old tricks.   There had been an insane asylum, that was replaced with a Walmart, in its place, but there had been several suspects, and these new kids, who were adventuresome and into making films, on their phones, kept taking pictures of a black man, who, was the son of the owner of the corn fields where the kids disappeared, and he, admitted, that, he started taking pictures of the kids, that were found, in the man's house, along with the two kids that had disappeared, 33 years before.  But, the F.B.I., found the man, he was, hiding under the sink, and seemed more to be, just paying the boys back for taking picture of him, and he seemed to know little of the kids that disappeared in his father's field, other than to think that, they deserved what they got, for trespassing, through his father's fields and he didn't seem, organized or strong enough to take three boys, and hide them somewhere.  Eventually, going through all the psycho-analysis, and through, looking at all the possible motives, the F.B.I. agents, realized that, the kids, may not have been killed, 33 years ago, because, there was something in the kidnappings that didn't seem to indicate, that someone was interested, in harming the boys, but in having them as company, and to keep them isolated with them.  Eventually, they found, the lost brother and sister, who had, kidnapped the boys, like they had been kidnapped, because of the social side of it, the need for family, for human contact and, to bring them into their isolated world!

The two missing brother and sister, were rejoined by their lost older brother, almost reclusive himself by this time and the three had a tearful and happy reunion.  This is where the loyalty, of the quote comes in . . . A family is only as strong, like an army, as the loyalty they have for each other!  I found it both ironic and symbolic, that, the name of this story, was, called, Elliot's Pond, because, that, in a sense, was, a lot like, what my extended family, the law enforcement entities who were my enemies, did to my children, they, inducted them to some extent, not necessarily to save them, but to keep them as members of the family, but taking them from their own parents, they must have deemed to either have abandoned them, or didn't provide, what these people considered a normal family situation, but in reality, I believe, that, in their limited, judgement, it was not the traditional divorce, therefore, I believe that I didn't suffer enough, or Zeke or Richard didn't, with the kids, being free to make their own decisions in life, with sons into music and daughters in the military, making them free agents and different from the stayed and Mormon, boring lives, they most likely would have had, had we stayed married to each other!  NO THANKS! 

Shelley trashing me, was NORMAL BEHAVIOR FOR HER, EVEN WITH HER OWN DAUGHTER IN-LAW WARNING ME TO GET AWAY FROM HER, AND SHELLEY'S OWN FRIENDS, EVEN TAKING ME TO ST. GEORGE TO GET ME AWAY FROM HER CRUELTY, so her interaction, and fake concern, for my kids, was more a punishment and tool, to steal my identity and possibly to pay me back for, helping her with her kids, not to hurt her, but to help her!  One sister's action was to help a kid without, seemingly a support system, after a divorce, to be paid back with the steal or kidnapping, with Shelley wanting to hurt with the intent to harm the relationship, come in between, not help fill in gaps . . . and with Frank, who fits, into the mindset of the man, who took the kids for social and familial reasons, maybe because he never had kids of his own, or because he didn't like his kids, or he wanted to hurt me, he inducted them into his life, and his style, taking them from family and friends.

F.B.I. SURROGATE FAMILY + ELLIOT'S POND, MORE FOR THE MONEY, LESS FOR THE SHOW!

In this episode, the segment and murders, start with families, seemingly, normal well respected, and for all accounts and purposes, very ordinary, on the surface.  But, in the first two murders, the whole family was wiped out, leaving one teenager, to suffer the grief of losing their whole family, in one night.  At first the F.B.I., thought that this was a very organized killer, possibly the man having an affair with the first victim families mother, when her husband suffered a physical and mental set backs from an accident.  I found it interesting that the profilers, mentioned, several characteristics, of this familial victimology, of the focus being on making the survivors suffer, rather than the entire family, seeing the killer as an annihilator, who had the following characteristics, leaving me to wonder about my own father, and the tribe mentality, looking at the family or people as animals with the weaker animals, being on the outside of the herd or the tribe, for easy pickings off by animals and men alike:

• generally an older male, with narcissistic personality characteristics, something that, I believe was projected onto me, as part of my alleged, diagnosis, not for mental illness, but, as part of the PICK's Disease, not the type of characteristic that is akin, to the deterioration of the frontal lobes, and death, but, more characteristics of the living, and seemingly the opposite of what and who, I was, more, like my father, and his own psychosis!
• the person or male is usually seen as a male patriarch, that is not only a calling in the Mormon church, but often assigned to males, as the heads of large families, in religious families, so that fits, with 8 children, and over one hundred grandchildren and great-grandchildren, this is a male patriarch on steroids!
• the person committing the homicides, is also suicidal, when they finish their family annihilation . . . my father, was pissed when I made him a young grandpa, he had his grand kids, older ones, call him, Papa, rather than grandpa, he always thought that if one of us girls were to get pregnant, out of wedlock we should, not have an abortion, as I did, my own boss, but, carry it to term, as Shelley did, single and pregnant at the same time, and the family would raise the child, like they did with Tyrone Southwick, Shelley's, youngest son, she now claims to be Elliot, what a joke, and putting Isaac, closest cousin, in as Elliot, so she and cops could steal his music and the money, along with my father, using my legislation, taking money, not belonging to cops, out of their hands, and keeping it with the property owners!
• this type of family killer, and there are more ways than one, to kill a family, much like in the first episode, taking the kids for social or weird reasons, and keeping them from their family, is just as damaging, and often, the patriarch will select, on family victim, whom he wants to suffer, by killing the rest of the family, be it, children, parents, or in-laws, and going after their affections and allegiances!  But, he blames the victim, for all the shit he has done, and does what most abusers do, and that is to project their false weaknesses and character flaws, and put them on the victim of the family, annihilation, and blame them, as all abusers do, if you didn't do this or that, I never would have made you suffer like this . . . my family put, manufactured and manipulated suffering on me, things that never would have happened, but for them, creating them, being with the cops, and going, hog wild on  me, going after me kids, hurting them, then, gaining their affections, to fuck with me and get their money, when they realized that my kids were nothing but WINNERS!  Now, more worthy than their cousins, sure as shit welcomed back into the fold, not being seen as the weak, but the RICH!  If there is one thing, that Mormons love to do, is take credit for successful, smart, educated people, me, through, other Mormon muffins, not myself, but claiming for the Church, the family, and the very Mormon, F.B.I., C.I.A., D.E.A., etc. and my kids too!  WHAT HAPPENED TO ME, WAS CREATED TO HURT ME AND MINE!
• this type of killer, murders families that are not his own . . . my family, basically, adopted the mafia, idea of, you are no longer my daughter! and then proceeded to act that way, in fact, even adopting Kay Baby, to take my place, welcoming her and Brett, my husband, just substituting me for her, in both the family and in my marriage, taking my kids with them, as in the first episode, and strange family, kidnapping of brother and sister, or brothers and sisters, in the Secrist family, no longer seen as part of the larger Southwick clan, but, pushing them out, then bringing them back, but without mother!
• these types are more organized and sophisticated, with the object of the rage, spared, rather then murdered with the rest of their family, with the sole purpose to hurt, isolate, and make live through the loss of their whole family, in one incident, so they will suffer tremendous loss, all at once, to maximize the pain and anguish
• they are highly and naturally intelligent, and they substitute the victim, for someone who harmed them when they were young . . . I firmly believe that my father, hated that his mother worked, but, was somewhat envious of her, professionally, being a successful professor, and a Christensen, a very distinguished family of judges, attorneys, and professors, withSU his father being an accountant, as was his brother, and his older brother being an engineer, all honorable professions but without the prestige of the maternal side of the family.  My grandmother used to say, that I was so much like her, being in love with Shakespeare, teaching English at a college level, and taking it one step further, into the Christensen realm, of the law, being highly influential, and then working in criminal enforcement and the attorney general's office, was more than the family could stand, and I think my father, highly father identified, felt that his mother, might not have treated his father as well as she should have, and seeing the Southwicks, as less, than as worthy as the distinguished Christensens with me, being the few, grand kid or the only one, to be asked to sit in on the BYU Christensen scholarship, later becoming an attorney myself, like my father, sister, Sue and others may have aspired to,  Therefore the anger my father felt for his mother, was transferred onto me, and he was also angry with my grandmother, in her second marriage that, seemed to be the love of her life, defending his father, for being the stable, good provider, that, made her later years of leisure possible . . . but, with all four of her children, not rejoicing in her love for Leo Merideth, but being angry that she read love poems that she wrote and read at his funeral, unlike what was done at her first husband's funeral or the father of her four children . . . was there some transfer of this hatred for me?  Possible!  To pay me back, he was going to take my four children, and treat them as estranged, which was more circumstantial than real, being told I was dying, losing 8 years of my life, then, when I started to practice law again, I immediately, got, not one house, because my kids, to this day want a gathering place, a place of peace for the family to gather, which I did twice in great style, both in St. George and Parowan, with the cops, family, prosecutors, feds, judges, all colluding against me, to keep me from being with my kids!  A VICTIM FOR SURE, but so were MY CHILDREN!

 SUDDENLY, THERE IS A HIGH SCHOOL KID, NOT HIS FAMILY WHO IS MURDERED, AND THE KILLER, TAKES HIS TROPHIES, IN THIS OVER-KILL AND PLACES HIS HONORS ON THE BED, WITH THE BODY SEPARATED . . . AND THE F.B.I. PROFILERS, START TO SEE A YOUNG TENN EMERGE WITH BULLY ISSUES, AS THEY TALK TO A HIGH SCHOOL COUNSELOR WHO WAS A VICTIM OIF BULLYING HIMSELF!  I STARTED TO LOOK, AT THE KEY PLAYERS, TO SEE, IF I HAD BEEN A BULLY, TO FAMILY, TO FRIENDS, WHO TURNED ON ME, TO CLIENTS, TO COPS, AND OTHERS . . . POSSIBLE, BUT, NOT INTENDED!

THEY SUDDENLY FOUND THAT THE TEEN KILLER, BELONGING TO A GROUP OF KIDS, WHO HAD BEEN BULLIED, CALLING THEMSELVES, THE ANTI-TERRORIST GROUP, ACTUALLY SAW THESE BULLYING EPISODES AS ACTS OF TERROR AGAINST THEM, BUT WHEN THE GROUP DIDN'T SYMPATHIZE WITH THE YOUNG LEADER, HE TOOK ALL OF THEM HOSTAGE, FOR NOT APPRECIATING, THE CRUEL EXTENT TO WHICH HE WAS GOING, NOW SEEING THE KILLINGS OF FAMILIES, IN HIS HANDS, THEY NOW ARE AT HIS MERCY . . . EVENTUALLY THE COPS, FIND HIM, AND TALK HIM DOWN FROM KILLING HIS OWN FRIENDS, BECAUSE, THAT WOULD ONLY MAKE THINGS WORSE, THEY NOTICED AND TALKE OF THE INCIDENT THAT LED HIM TO HIS ACTS, AND SYMPATHIZED WITH HIM, BUT THAT DIDN'T JUSTIFY MURDER OF FAMILIES AND HIS PEERS!

I REMEMBER, THIRD HUSBAND, AS SAYING, IF YOU HAD MET ME IN HIGH SCHOOL, YOU WOULD NEVER HAVE GIVEN ME THE TIME OF DAY?  FOR ALL I KNEW, I WAS NICE TO EVERYONE, FOR THE MOST PART, MY FAMILY, I WAS BUSY, NEVER LORDED MY LAW DEGREE OVER THEM, AND WAS BASICALLY JUST LIVING MY LIFE, THE BEST I KNEW HOW, WHEN ALL THIS SHIT CAME REIGNING DOWN ON ME, FROM ALL SIDES!

I NEVER DESERVED ANY OF THIS!  I AM NOT AN ENEMY COMBATANT, NOR AN ENEMY OF THE STATE, NOR A HOMEGROWN TERRORIST, FOR DEFENDING, PROTECTING AND PRESERVING THE UNITED STATES CONSTITUTION, WHICH HAPPENED TO PIT ME AGAINST, COMMON OATH KEEPERS, TURNED MASONIC OATHED, OR LOYAL TO I HAVE NO IDEA, BUT, MY ILLS AND MISFORTUNES WERE MANUFACTURED AND FORCED ON MY BY "BRUTE FORCE!"