Barbie Castro and The Fly! You Got a Divorce Over a Fly?
Shortly after, President Obama's trip to Cuba, I called my daughter, Nicole, who is married to a Cuban, and wanted to know what George and his mother, who goes to Cuba at least once or twice a year, thought of the historic trip. Now, you have to know, Nicole, she eats, sleeps and drinks, conservative political talk shows, she teaches her young women, in church, the United States Constitution and its principles, as church girl's camp director, she runs the program, like military boot camp, obstacle courses and all, so the girls can build their self esteem, even the former FBI agent, Mormon bishop, wanted to join in the fun, and stay all week with the girls, and tried his body at the strenuous physical exercises. Nicole home schools her two brilliant children, and she has to be very independent, because, her husband is gone, almost 2 weeks of every month, working for government contractors, aka, the CIA, and she is left to hold down the fort, and with the latest snow storm to hit the Washington, D.C. area, with 40 inches of snow, not only did she have to dig out of the snow, until a neighbor, who's wife, got stuck in the snow the year before, was lucky enough to have a neighbor come dig her out, as this man, having purchased a snow blower, something that Nicole and George didn't need, when they lived in Ashburn Village, in a townhouse, but her furnace went out for three days, during the snow storm, with the repair man, saying, that, while the new furnace, in their new home, should have lasted longer than, just the two years they have been in the home, the new products are designed to break down. So, Nicole, has little sympathy for George, when he comes home, from posh vacations, and travel, on the government's dime, without the kids . . . who are always, glad to have daddy come home, to give mom and break!
Nicole of all my children, is the least cuddly, and she marries a hot Latin lover, who, tries to be affectionate, turn, Nicole's none stop, conservative talk show radio shows, to passionate Latin love songs, with, Nicole, pushing away, George's hungry arms, trying to spark some sign of romance, in this daughter of mine! LOL! George, knock it off, and she turns the channel in their new red, extended cab, F150 Ford, extended King Cab, and turns the channel back to the politics. You need the background, on the vehicle situation, in my daughter's family . . . they live outside D.C., so George generally drives the commuter car, that gets good gas, while Nicole, shuttles the kids around on homeschooler field trips and recess time with other moms, or to soccer, gymnastics, or music lessons. So, on the rare occasions, when George actually is at home, he wants to drive the Ford pickup! LOL! There has been this fly on the dashboard, for about three months, and George thinks that, Nicole, should clean the truck, and get the fly off the dashboard, since she is always the one driving the truck; however, Nicole, doesn't care about the fly, nor is she very concerned about the condition of the truck, when she has the kids, the house, and generally the yard and the dog, the two fought over getting, and so cleaning the truck and the fly are the lowest on Nicole's list of priorities to take care of. LOL! Stand your ground, Honey, the man, in your traditional marriage should be responsible for cleaning the damned truck! Nicole can't agree more! LOL! Both are refusing to get the fly out of the dashboard, in the truck and it is becoming an issue . . .
She Who Cares Least, Controls! George, If It Bugs You, Get It Out!
Nicole never thinks of the stupid fly, until she is in the truck with George, whom it drives crazy, but he refuses to remove the fly, as a matter of principle now. LOL! So, Nicole and I have a somewhat, civil discussion on Cuba and the President's visit, but with Nicole going off, on the fact that, it is only a start, and the civil rights and inhuman treatment of the people of Cuba . . . blah, blah, blah, and she starts attacking me, as if I am personally, responsible, or that President Obama, is on his first visit, suppose to clear up all injustices the Castro brothers have done, in the 50 years, since, they lead the revolution, and took over, setting up a totalitarian government and regime. I love, Nicole's passion and fervor, for the Cuban people and their rights, but, she is young, and needs to realize, that, you can't take a people, from A to Z in human rights, free speech, in monthly salaries, and democracy, overnight. This is just a baby step, starting the process, and we are not going to get President Raul Castro, in his 80's to change anytime soon. I told her that I really like Castro, and the way he and President Obama, interacted, both strong in their positions, and by the end of a few days together, especially, after President Obama, spoke, and Raul, even fielded a few questions, not what dictators normally do, so a start their too, but Raul, almost took, President Obama's arm or hand, and raised, it like he was the winner in a prize boxing match.
Well, Mom, that is all nice and fine, but there is so much change that needs to take place . . . honey, I know, then she quickly steps in, as I did, on the last conversation, over politics, and said, well, we should probably not discuss this. Good idea! LOL! I have four very politically minded and well informed children, who span the political spectrum, from Nicole at the most conservative, to Elliot at the most liberal, who just calls Nicole a bigot! LOL! Nicole is discussed that Greta and Dallas, used to be conservatives while they lived in Georgia, and now, they are these liberal, members of the local, St. George, press corp! LOL! I said, honey, all things are relative, if you are living, in a moderately conservative place, you may not be pulled into the extremes, but, you sister and Dallas are living in the reddest state, in the reddest county in that state, and that now, while standing politically, in the same place, puts them on the liberal side of the spectrum! They didn't need to move their positions, they just moved, and you have some very right winged extremists, that Greta and Dallas, feel it a personal duty, to try to correct, Dallas speaks on a radio talk show each week, Greta writes often for the St. George News, and they seem to end up in the middle of everything, being the arch enemies of the locals! LOL! Chris, the one, who, I had the dream, would be president of the United States, is so discussed at politics, that while up to speed, he is so negative, he refuses to vote! He hates both of his parents, and all the candidates and politicians! LOL! I would be shocked if Elliot was for anybody but, Bernie Sanders!
Nicole, and I have learned our lesson about family and politics, during the last elections, when Benghazi happened, me and her got in the big discussion, I swore, in her very Mormon home, and she asked me to stop swearing . . . why the kids are in bed? Mom, just because . . . between not being able to speak the way I wanted, and us disagreeing on Benghazi and who was to blame, I packed up my shit and left, her house, at 10:30 P.M. at night, in a total rain storm! I felt, good that she and George, drove around, the suburb of Washington, D.C. looking for me, but, I made it to the train station and on my way home, seeing the wisdom in not discussing politics or religion, with my children . . . we are all hot blooded and passionate and pretty informed and knowledgeable about the topics and the issues; therefore, it basically boils down, to which side of the political spectrum, you fall on, and being a "purple" rather than a red or a blue, I am somewhat moderate, but, like I said, all political positions are relative, depending on who you are talking to, Nicole, the far, right winger, makes all of us in the family appear, liberal! Including me, the moderate! So, we finished the conversation, by gracefully agreeing to disagree, even though we both agree, on what needs to be done in Cuba, she is young and wants, immediate changes, and I have learned that change is slow, and there is wisdom in that! Just as we were hanging up the phone, a mother and daughter, walked by arm in arm, and I had to smile, she is a chip off the old block, and one HOT MAMA! LOL!
I think, George, wants her to home school the kids, because, the second, this little wiz kid, even writes a letter to some politician, they want her to come work for them! She worked for a Republican county commissioner, in Loudon County, VA, with about as many people in that county as in the whole state of Montana, her job description, sounded, much the same as some of my statewide jobs, in the Utah Attorney Generals Office, especially the ones, in administration. Nicole is so smart, she was in the gifted program, by first grade, taking the tests and applying, without, me even knowing until she was accepted, saying to her teacher, MY MOM IS GOOD, SO I WILL BE GOOD, I was attending college on the 4 kids, 4 college, and 12 year plan, but, she is so confident, competent and good, that, when politicians get a bit of her, they want more and more, and George is trying to protect his little kingdom and his kids, keeping mommy occupied, so she doesn't go get a job! She wrote a Virginia senator, and he wanted to meet with her about a job . . . a future in politics? Her son thinks mommy would make a great mayor! As soon as we hang up the phone, I get a text from Nicole . . . it is a picture, and I can't tell what it is, looked like a knocker on a black door, or something, so I called, Nicole and asked her what the picture was?
Mom, That is a Picture of the FLY on the Dashboard in Our Truck! LOL!
Combustible Collusion By Toddlers at the Duck Pond
So, I call, Chris, yesterday, and first thing I do, is ask what, "Y" is doing? I could hear the exasperation in his voice . . . you don't want to know, what she is doing and what stunt she just pulled at the duck pond! What did she do? Now, Chris starts work at 4:00 A.M., or leaves, so he can get in a full day's work, so he can share the parenting and be involved with "Y" on a daily basis, more, and also allow, Kat, his wife, to keep her hands in work a bit, so, they trade off, and when Chris gets home, Kat leaves, for a few hours, working part time, which I think is great. But, as a consequence of that, I am sure that Chris's nerves are fried, and he is tired, about the time, he is on full duty, with cutie girl, "Y." So, yesterday, Chris took her to the duck pond, just across the parking lot, from his townhouse, for an afternoon chasing ducks, throwing stuff in the pond, and playing in the sand and playing on the playground, as an easy, afternoon of entertainment, before, daddy and daughter, take a nap before mom gets home, so they can all share family time, until late, in the evening, doing it all again the very next day. "Y" is generally a very vivacious, fun, chatty, little two year old, going on three in July, but yesterday, while at the park, this other toddler, decided to throw a fit, and started, having a temper tantrum, which, is rare for "Y." Chris said, he was not sure what happened, but, it was as if, "Y" caught this temper tantrum, like an air borne virus or something, because he could not explain her behavior, and he was disgusted by it, but, she just started joining in with the other screaming kid and there was nothing he could do to get her calmed down! LOL! Welcome to parenthood, and just wait until they start picking up teenager behavior from their friends!
My little cowgirl grand-daughter, cutie girl, is one smart little cookie, she speaks two languages, English and Bulgarian, and she is talking at a rate, faster than the average kid, even though she is bi-lingual, like her two cousins, Nicole's kids, who may speak more, but, she knows when she can get away with a temper tantrum and when she can't . . . the last one, she threw was in the grocery store, and now at the park, when it makes it hard for daddy and mommy to discipline her now days. After the last episode at the magazine, which is the Bulgarian term for the grocery store, I told Chris, you need to do what, a mother of 13 kids, told me when Greta was a baby, 40 years ago, or when she turned, about two, hitting the terrible two's and they don't call them that for nothing! Nicole got her first spat on her bottom, telling me no, on her two year birthday! But, this wise woman, mother of the year, with 13 kids, just physically having them, would have done me in, I am not of pioneer stock, like my mom who had 8 of us, 4 was plenty, but she said, as each one of her kids, nears their two's, she throws, just a small, like 1/8th of an inch of ice cold water in their cute faces, sound inhuman, but it works, ask Greta, the only one I ever tried it on, or needed to . . . the other three never saw anyone throw a tantrum, so, I didn't need to try it again. Greta, like, "Y" saw a friend's kid, throw tantrums all through a store and out onto the street, until his mother, finally gave in and bought him the gum he wanted. She decided to pull this stunt at home, when I put her down for a nap, and daily, necessity with kids, and I made them all take naps, until, they were in their early tweens! QUIET, SANITY TIME FOR MOM, or death to cuties!
It worked like a charm with Greta, and she never bucked her nap again, and never threw a tantrum. Chris said, yeah, that nice mom, but you were at home, not the park with other parents, or in a store! He had a point, people are so fast to call DSFC or CPS, that parents are afraid to discipline their children, which they are entitled to use corporal punishment, in most states, if not all, that is corrective discipline, including not sparing the rod, which spoils the child . . . Bible! I do think, by the time daddy got, the tantrum girl, back home, she calmed down, and came up to him, while we were on the phone, kind of weakly sobbing, a bit, and asked for a drink. Dad had calmed down a bit, by this time too! LOL! I love seeing Greta, the oldest, and big sister, who got to practise on her bros and sister, when they were growing up, because, she has finally given up trying to control her kids, every move, making them, into this or that, and she is relaxing and just enjoying the boys, watching the various stages, and Kael, still argues, but, she is starting to see, his keen mind, more than the challenge to parental authority! But, she just laughs, and she comments, nice to see your parenting skills Chris, still in that stage, when, you are uptight and freaked out hat your first born child is not perfect, nor does who perfectly obey him, the control freak . . . you get the kids YOU need, their own kids will perfect them! LOL!
Greta and I joked, after we planned the picnic the easy way, and laughed at Chris, at how anal retentive, and neat freak, Navy Seal Dallas, her husband, used to be . . . he would not let Greta cook in their kitchen for the first three years of marriage, because he didn't want the kitchen a mess, before they had kids, then the kids, came slamming and jamming, 1,2,3, into the world, in a new kind of terrorist gang, taking out both parents, and both grandmas, the grandpas, just relaxed! LOL. 12 years later, Dallas's office is a wreck, and the garage is a pig sty! The six-pack, surfer dude, is now a dad bod, and relaxed--he smiles and says, now, I just have cute kids, Jo. LOL! Three boys, even broke a Navy SEAL! I don't know where the dude that vacuumed three times a day, and did use a tooth brush around the toilet to clean, and the drawers that were clean enough to eat out of, went . . . to KID LAND! LOL! Dad is a slob now, and proud of it . . . he survived, and Greta barely, he used to make her take all three boys in a bedroom, clean the house, like a tornado, and think, this time the kids, will keep it clean . . . think again dad, not for about 5 more years, barely! LOL! Kids are good for the soul, and the control freaks, CHRIS! LOL!
Some Motherly Advice I Gave My Own Kids, Yesterday
- deal with your kids, in an unemotionally involved way, much like a child counselor or psychologist would, using rational reasoning, and thinking, calmly, dealing with the issue at hand, never worrying that the child's behavior is a reflection of you or on you as a parent, they are separate, distinct individuals, always put your kids, feelings, above, those of friends, family, neighbors and schools. This is one of the best golden nuggets of advice, I learned and used, still use!
- don't sweat the small stuff, and everything is small stuff!
- don't get into power struggles with your children, especially teenagers, they can always WIN . . . suicide--I'll show you, and you are going to miss me! They watch too many movies, and think they are going to wake up tomorrow! I forgot to say this about the tattoos, I taught all my kids, not to tat their bodies up, because, they might regret it someday, or not get a job, and their bodies are the temples of their souls, and to me it was like putting, graffiti on the temple. But, when Elliot showed up to a family party sporting his new, bright, tattoo, to my surprise, I took the time to find out, why he got one, and when he told me, that it was in honor of Blake, and a way to handle the pain--I read between the lines, I figured, for what he had gone through, that was far preferable to suicide, he is very, sensitive, as most musicians are! I am going to listen to Pearl Jam, a band for those who don't know, with a few band members, living in Missoula, or Seattle, but, I was refreshing my mind, on their songs, the other day, and there was one, that touched me, and made me think of Elliot and this dealing with the death of his lead singer, of 7 years, at a time they were making it big, Nothing Is Like It Seems . . . this was referring to going home, as I recall, and I saw the emotion, the pain, the feelings behind the singer's words, and it made me think, while we think, we as parents, know our kids, their thought, their feelings, we DON'T, and too often, we discount, the pain, the issues, and the challenging times, but, just simply, LOVING THEM, letting them experiment, discover, challenge, decide who they are and want to be, separate and aside from us, is a wonderful, adventure . . . I say, little, because, while I was diagnosed to die with Pick's Disease, my children were left, much to themselves, to really have the freedom to be and do what they wanted . . . let me tell you, I COULD NOT BE MORE PROUD, seeing what they chose to make of their lives! Let children go, and see them GROW!
- this next analogy, comes from Pastor Tom, of the Springs Church, in St. George, Utah, showing the stages, smart parents go through with their children:
- first we hold our children in our arms because they can't walk or crawl
- next we encourage them to sit up by themselves, start to move and crawl towards what they want
- next, mommy and daddy, stand a few feet apart, and start to teach their toddler how to walk, holding their hands, encouraging them to take steps, catching them when they start to fall, and helping them, until finally, they take that first step on their own, and start to walk without, holding a parent's hand
- we teach them to be safe, crossing a street, holding their hands, showing them how to look up and down the street, unless, you have child, like Elliot, very literally, looked up to the sky and then, down to the road, and then proceeded to cross the very low traffic street in front of our home . . . now, look this way and that way, son! Finally, after that first time, he learned what he was looking at and what he was protecting against, a car! I even entertained the idea of running over a watermelon, telling him, that is what he would look like, if he got hit by the car!
- Youngest children, are used to older siblings, making sure they are safe, so making the transition to just being safe themselves, seemed a bit more sketchy with him.
- Soon, you watch, as your child runs, rides a bike, goes to school, and you have to let go!
- Then, and this is critical, it is better to have a fence at the top of the hill, than an ambulance waiting at the bottom of the hill!
- give them good safe, guidelines to follow, principles and concepts, that make sense
- I found with my kids, at a pretty young age, they were able to reason, and I never said, just because, I said, so! Give them the reasons, the facts, and the arguments, as to why you are doing what you are doing . . . they get it, and they are much more willing to go along if there is a good convincing reason! Take the time, it is worth it, and kids are smart, much smarter these days, they even know how to check your facts!
- Greta, said, she always tells her boys, now, 9, 10, and 12 years old, to trust that, gut feeling, to either do this, or not do this, because, every time you ignore that inner voice, you will later find out why, you had that feeling. Pulse it teaches kids to trust their own instincts!
- when you let kids go, after teaching and training them the best you can, you are saying to them, I trust you will make wise decisions, I believe in you, and I think you are a capable person!
- a soft answer, turneth away wrath . . . in all your getting of knowledge, get wisdom, that is applied knowledge! There are tons of parenting suggestions, in the Bible, tons! If you get a dictionary or a glossary, or index in you Bibles, you can just read the scriptures on children, good stuff, and homework on the most IMPORTANT JOB YOU WILL EVER HAVE!
LOVE IS KEY, ALWAYS . . . WHATEVER YOU DO AS A PARENT, DO SO IN LOVE!
P.S., yesterday, I saw this episode of POWER, PRESTIGE and JUSTICE, and at the end of the show, where a kid, paid some friends, to brutally kill his parents, who had loved him, spoiled him, tried to teach him to work, on their 600 acre farm, the key to their success, Dominic Dunne, made a very telling statement about kids, and some, just come, almost bad seed, no matter what the good parents do, but he said:
Whether a Kid Comes From a Penthouse or a Farmhouse, a BRAT, is a BRAT!
Train you children up in the ways they should walk, and they will not depart from it, or in most cases . . .
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