Lab Rat, For CIA Home Entertainment--FUCK YOU!
I remember, several years, after being poisoned, walking out of a convenience store, and looking at the license plate, that caught my eye, being directly in my eye sight, right in from of the door--LAB RAT. And, I remember, pausing for a few seconds, wondering, if what, I was going through, is some sort of government experiment, probing my mind, my limits, my psyche, my character, my temperament, testing where my breaking point, limit, passion and desire, to be me stopped. I dismissed it, summarily, at that time, but have revisited the thought, often, as I have learned more and more, about, say, the relationship between the CIA and the Illuminati, the Monarch Project, testing subjects, many against their wills, using hypnosis, brainwashing, sexual, physical, and mental abuse, trying new drugs, looking at the side affects, compared to the control group, given or told they were being used for the new drug, but being of that group, that was merely given salt or sugar water, to see, just how powerful the mind is, to cure itself, or gain the desired affect, of the proscribed, newly tested drug. I wonder, about being told, I had a terminal brain disease, where no one has outlived it, after being diagnosed, with a life expectancy, of little more than two years, and how, I was forced to take drugs, arrested when I didn't, and put in a state mental institution, for refusing to take the meds again, in the hospital, seeing little connection between a genetic disease with no cure, and forcing me to take psychotropic drugs, with death as a side effect, on all of them.
I recall, being taken to a hospital, and having all kinds of colorful, clips of some sort, attached to my brain, and getting some type of electric shock, or activity through these red, green, yellow and blue, or primary color probes or clips, and remembering, my brain, showing the same colors inside as outside. Family connections, back in Boston, looking back, orchestrated, rather than done out the good will, or love of a sister, rather, as part of some lab rat experience, or the suggestion, that I got to UCLA, to get some CAT scan, that could dissect my brain, by slivers, .18 whatever, with each, laser cut, to see what was wrong. And being the smart, logical, and practical person, I am, I said, I would rather, spend my time, with family, watching sunsets, and enjoying the freedom of the time I have left. I also remember, when I didn't die, at the proscribed, 2 year mark, who, the terminal brain disease, morphed into some psychoses, some mental disorder, particularly, narcissistic personality disorder . . . what, my error, would be on the side of not taking credit for the work I did, not being self absorbed, no that came, in having to defend myself, being a constant barrage, of attacks, on people stealing my identity. Hell, I got award, after award, that I never even took the time to go to the award ceremonies, or like the domestic violence manual, I let the very minor co-contributor go to the award ceremony in Washington, D.C., being too busy with the next project, to worry about being honored for the old project, that I never did, because of recognition . . . and in retrospect, it is the very people who wanted to steal my identity, who had the issues with narcissism, NOT ME!
CONTROL
In any abusive relationship, be it, domestic violence, abuse of any kind, systemic abuse, work force harassment, bullying, or any type of relationship, bordering criminal behavior, going all the way from the least invasive intrusion, by the perpetrator on the victim, to the most severe, that of rape, sexual assault and murder, there is this element of power and control being exerted, one person against another, or one group of people against another. And that seems to be the motivating element, that of control, through abuse of power, that seems to be at the root of what happened to me. I could not be controlled under ordinary means, that of threats, demotions, withdrawal of authority and position, or even banishment to the lower forty of the Utah Attorney Generals Office. In whatever, area of the law, or even professorship, doing public speaking, to owning my own business, I excelled; therefore, none of these avenues, used to control me worked, and my dogged determination, to make the system work, force government to work, within the confines of the Constitution, federal and state statutory regulations, or state law, per, purity in government, and fidelity to the law, landed me in opposition to the powers that be, that used traditional means of controlling the more ethical, honest, and obligatory, members of the bar in control, allowing the government to have its way with, whomever, whatever, and wherever it chose, even to obfuscating the very law itself!
What Do Power and Control Freaks Do With Someone Like Me?
The answer is very plain, and simple, in the political processes, you have one smart group of people, vying against another group of very smart people countering you claims, arguments, and challenging your positions, and the government, should have mustard, all their smart people, to counter this smart person! And, if you could not beat me, fair and square, then, fuck you, you lose! PERIOD! The government, is not authorized to take my life, and do with it what they please, to tamper, poison, discard, deny a voice, tame the shrew, or silence the lamb! Show me, what fucking statute, constitutional provision, federal or state regulatory authorization, rule, ordinance or provision, you took, my life, into your hands and fucked with me. And if that was not bad enough, then, you tried to cover your fucking unethical, totally irresponsible, and aberrant behavior, by changing, my diagnosis to a mental condition? Oh, hell, yeah, you fucked my brain, major, and it took me, 8 fucking years to get it totally back, if not on a par with my previous intelligence, but even superior, as the brain compensates, for injuries, and injuries there were! But, then, after tainting me with, the label, as was just revealed while I was in St. George, Utah for Thanksgiving, again, trying to put that fucking, severe mental issues, label on one of the fucking brightest minds, not only in the law, but government, writing, and philosophy! YOU FUCKING DUMB SHITS! GOD . . . what the fuck is, SERIOUSLY and SEVERELY WRONG WITH YOUR LAME ASS MINDS . . . for it is you, who is, terminally ILL!
Oh, I Know . . . Fake An Execution, And Let's Sick a Serial Killer, Psychopathic Liar, Sociopath, in Every Way, On Her! Good Idea!
Long before, I saw, so many of the true crime shows of late, I, on many occasions, wondered, at both, Brett and Frank, my third and fourth husbands, for, lame reasons of marriage, because, I was dying and wanted sex, or I had just had my house taken, and my client offered me his house as pay for saving him, from being set up by the fucking cops, framed, looking at, 45 years in prison, as part of another, little government taking of a life, that of Allan Rex Bess, who was a Vietnam War Hero, who, as I can gather, from connecting the dots, of what you have done to me, since murdering him, after taking out, part of his brain too, lending support, to you fucking my brain also, the star crossed, bleeding only red, white and blue, which should have been in alignment with, your oaths of office as well, pledging allegiance to preserve, protect and defend the Constitution, right along with myself, being, taken out of prison, being, not just your minor average, run of the mill, criminals, but, as many criminals are, very intelligence, some handsome, charismatic, and charming, but bad to the core, in the very worst ways . . . serial killers . . . I see this in both of them! Easy, not a stretch, even seeing it while trying to deny it, but, being close to evil, with the vial of good, can be revealing of the intention of the government, as well! just kill her!
Everyone, has redeeming factors, and it is the dream of prison, jail and correctional systems, to believe, they can rehabilitate people, and some are, of that minimal, deviance, and can be taught to have remorse, find sorrow for their crimes, want to repay society, learn to empathize and sympathize with the plights of their victims and society as a whole. However, there is another class of people, of criminals, who are so far gone, or so, damaged, that, to protect the health, safety and welfare of the state's citizens, it behooves the state, to either keep them under lock and key, forever, or to eliminate them from society, through the death penalty. There are many accounts, of people being paroled, and within hours or days of their, sometimes, untimely releases, or mistaken releases from prison or jail, that have gone back to their old ways, and have killed again! There is a huge ass difference, between, a repeat offender for robbery, breaking and entering, property crimes, per say, and those of repeat offenders for rape, assault and murder! That was the fatal flaw in the three strikes your out, sentencing, of locking you up and throwing away the key . . . all crimes are not of equal damage and horror, therefore, a distinction needs to be drawn between, the hard core, bad to the bone, rapist, torturer and killer, and the petty thief, although, many start with small time crimes, and graduate to the more egregious and offensive to society, and sometimes it is hard to tell!
You Would Never Have Given Me the Time Of Day!
In high school, I was never part of the parking lot crowd, nor did I hang out with them, or really, know any of them. That was not out of being a snob, or arrogant or elitist, I was just not, in the circles or doing the things that would merit, knowing, or rubbing shoulders, with say, people on drugs, even smoking or drinking, let alone, sleeping around . . . I was the good teen! There were many times after leaving Brett, who could be very polished, charming, and really, the Ideal Husband, but for, I believe, this bottom line difference in us--that of, what would I call it, staying power, confidence, faith in solid evidence of success in life, a sure foundation, and an ability to rise, to the top of any endeavor, when the need arises! This morning, I watched the true crime episode on Forensic Files, called the Levi Bellfield case, of the Bus Stop Murders, about a man, who, early in life, was skinny and scrawny, and was generally rejected by women, until he started taking steroids and working out at the gym, gaining, some admirable, physical traits, and looks.
In this case, the psychologists, wondered, what triggered this man's absolute and utter hatred for blonde, young women, whom were always his targets. Finally, this man, Levi was apprehended and charged with the deaths of two young girls, with the questions of at least 10 other murders, being, a possible connection with where this man was, at the times of several other murders, that could not be connected to him with hard evidence. As the criminologists, looked into this man's past, to see what his motives might have been, they found, that, there was a classmate of his, a female, blonde, who died, while, Levi was in high school, and nobody ever was charged with her murder. But, there was some suspicion, that, Bellingfield, might have been the one, to murder her, leaving authorities, wondering, who many women, disappearances, rapes and murders, might have gone undiscovered and undetected, since that girl was murdered, some 30 years earlier. Bellingfield is an interesting connection to Shelley, she used to sell school books to elementary school librarians, so school bell, school bus, came be a connection or symbolized, Shelley's arena . . . serial killers, like Levi, also, in Shelley's field, that of assassins, serial killers, all the stuff, of her book shelves, the Sopranos, Riches . . . yeah!
In this case, the boy, seemed to have a close relationship with his mother, who was a brunette, and I believe all his wives, and he had been married 4 times, were brunette, although, he was extremely violent with the wives, who eventually divorced him, it was the blondes that cause the murderous, senseless killings of school girls, for the most part, really young, like 14 years old, who just up and disappeared, being found, some months later, very decomposed state, but with no soft tissue left on her, skeleton . . . did he skin her down to the bone? Nobody wanted to even venture as guess, what he did to this very beautiful little blonde girl, who's body, was discovered, out in the woods and pasture areas, where his ex-wife, interestingly enough, named, Jo Collins, a symbolic name, of course, Jo, a name close family and friends call me, and Collins, CIA lying, looking very much like, Shelley, my dark haired, older sister, whom Brett may have had a relationship with, before, the set up with me, or after, being more in his comfort zone, that the blonde, or me. Kay also has brown hair, and several of his girlfriends, had jet black hair, or the girls were Iranian, or of foreign dissent, or darker in coloring, and one, red-headed girl friend.
Early Rejection From Blondes? The Dumb Blonde Mantra . . . I Could Not Be Smart and Blonde? Brunettes are the Smart Ones? Stereotypes?
If you look at the movies, you will see the more serious roles, government intrigue, played by people like, Sandra Bullock, or Segeorney Weaver, Susan Sarandon, and other actresses. When, you want, movies, like Legally Blonde, with Rees Witherspoon, while getting into law school, and passing with flying colors, she is portrayed, as less serious, solves her cases, looking at her poodle or going shopping, or getting an idea from a shoe or her platforms, or something like that. Sometimes, Michelle Pheifer, pulls off the serious attorney, but, it seems, even she was undermined by her client, in Sam I Am, Sean Penn! I know, that Brett's mother, was a blonde, when I met her, a party girl, wild, drinker, and fun, so fun, that she would not give up the bar scene, to raise kids, and her husband divorced her when Brett was 2 years old. Does he have some resentment for his mother . . . he seemed close, but they did argue a lot, over politics, religion, etc.
Ted Bundy, rejected by a very serious girlfriend in college, once she graduated, and being from a good family, dumped him, and later, Ted's victims, often had a similar look to that of his old girlfriend. Brett was definitely good looking enough, nice build, and sweet, in many ways, kind to old people, etc,, that he could have, easily run in the popular crowd, but maybe, these particular skills, social skills, or study women, helped him later in life. The interesting thing was, he was attracted to me, and got jealous, but, perhaps, he was being paid, to keep me isolated and off the grid, so to say, to see if I was getting better and what my goals were . . . it may have been as simple as that? Or there could be those darker recesses of the mind, engaged in this, almost overkill . . . right as I am writing this, this very blonde with long hair, walked by . . . almost indicating, in a God, Intel, way, that he had long hated blondes and had issues with them. Brunettes may be his comfort level, and who he feels most trusting of, seeing his mother, the blonde, bombshell, was not to be trusted as a wife or a mother?
Serial Bombers . . . The Salt Lake City, Bomber!
I just recently saw two bombing cases: (1) the Mark Haufman, historical document fraud, who murdered three people with pipe bombs, one a friend of mine, Steve Christensen, also a rare documents collector and is was surmised that, Steve was about to expose Mark as a fraud, as he was ready to sell a fake document to the Mormon Church, hierarchy, worth $1 million, having been found authentic by the FBI and the Library of Congress, with Haufman having, about 600 forged documents still out on the market--pretty damned good con man. He took out Steve's business partner, Gary Sheet's wife, to make it look business related, then someone else, and he blew himself up, as he was going to deliver other bombs around the Salt Lake Valley. Physical evidence doesn't lie, people do! Mark, tried to make it look, like he was the victim of the bomber, rather than being the bomber himself. (2) this man, sounded like the perfect psychopath, handsome, smooth talker, charming, likable, but cunning and mean, and with each bomb, in his war with the 11th Circuit Court of Appeals, where he had lost some cases, and had racial issues, this man, got more meticulous, crafty, and deadly with his bombs. I think he took out at least 3 people, and would, not have stopped, had he not be, actually, turned in or ratted out by his second wife, telling authorities of her shopping trips with him, buying all the key elements of the bombs, getting more perfected, and specialized, as they went, covering all his tracks and evidence! There are organized serial killers and unorganized. This man was highly intelligent, clean, orderly, and did, almost the perfect bombings, with not evidence to connect him to the bombs, but for the testimony witness of his wife, who could corroborate all her statement with facts, and evidence, and one fingerprint of the print shop, where they ran off copies of the letters attached or delivered with the bombs!
The point I want to make this these two men, is that, they were good enough to fool the FBI, the Library of Congress, and alleged inspired, men of the hierarchy of the Mormon Church . . . and, like I said, Mark Haufman, still has 600 fraudulent documents out floating around somewhere! Both Kay and Brett, literally bought off and fooled the Mormon Church leaders . . . you have two people, both from divorce, the other side of the track, so to say, an ax to grind, a common hatred and envy of me, adding Shelley and my father to that lot, and the cops and the government, all the way up, with Mitt Romney, my Brock case, and all, and possibly the pure hatred of blondes, in the intelligence community. It would be interesting, to see how many agents, in both the CIA and FBI, are female and blonde as opposed to brunette? I know, my family, can't buy fact that the cheerleader, bubbly blonde, can also be a kick ass, bad ass con law attorney .. . I was suppose to be the wild child, the social butterfly, not the campus crusader and constitutional law attorney . . . that doesn't compute to them! LOL . . . DEAL WITH IT! LOL!
I literally, have these fuckers, see me in court, read my blog, watch me write it, and be in complete denial, that I am the one who wrote it . . . it hurts to be beautiful! For some reason, in the minds of little people, you can't be smart and beautiful, and social, and good mother and an attorney . . . women, you can have it all . . . you just need to fight, those fucking stereotypes . . . and they are long and hard falling!
Frank--The Dom and the Sub . . . What a Crock of Shit!
So, last night, killing time, this movie came on, and I missed the name of it, but it had another blonde mother, wife, who was being cheated on, while her husband, did his business thing, and so eventually, this young mother, dissatisfied with her husband, goes to a chiropractor, to relieve the stress in her back, due to the issues with her husband, and as this man, understands her, makes her feel like a lovable woman again, she finds out from a dark haired friend, that, this man, is having an affair with another friend, and having his baby in three weeks. This sends this very attractive mother of two, on this sexually liberating quest, having been broken in by the doctor or chiropractor, setting the standard at adultery, and going from there, venturing in to younger men, sex parties, and finally, she gets attracted to an older man, who is a Dom . . . and he is looking for the perfect, Sub . . . Dominator and Submissive! SCREAMMM! So, the more the Dom and the potential, very interested, Sub, talk, the more enamored she becomes with this man and his very new but strange ideas. This guy, is very professional, looks, like he could be an agent, of FBI or CIA, colors, living in a beautiful home, and finally, the two get together, as he takes her prime interest and curiosity.
I thought, I was literally going to barf! She is to wear what he tells her to wear, she can't do anything he doesn't tell her she can do, like eat, or go to the bathroom, etc. And she inquires what would happen to her, if she were to disobey him? He would put his disobedient, Sub, on a pet leash and lead her up and down the neighborhood, letting the people all know, he had a disobedient, Sub! And, I guess that is suppose to turn her on? He brags of liberating very feminist women, bank presidents, doctors, lawyers, who want to be dominated by him. He is a self proclaimed, Alpha man, and it is only those Beta males, like her husband, who want to control her through cruelty; he is of a much higher order, and, it is through submitting, that the woman, then becomes, most actualized and free? So, the two play this sick game all weekend, and have tons of sex, and now, this very changed, liberated Sub, and her handsome Dom, part ways, her no longer needing his services, nor can he do anything further for him . . . gag me with a spoon!
At one point before the sex, the truth of the real man comes out . . . he is insecure as hell, and this is the only way, he can feel superior, and his game to get the sex he needs the pantiles women, and not be rejected! The Sub, asks him, why he got into this type of relationship with women, and he, very revealingly said . . . because I was sick and tired of trying to do this and that to them, and having them, move my hands, or push me away! Really? So, we are going to play games, with you acting like you are my guru? Uh, NO! But, I can very much see, Shelley, Rachel and Kay, prostrating themselves at the feet of these allegedly, cooler than cool males, letting them tie you to a pole, leaving you for days, just throwing you a grapefruit or two, until you get to the weight your Dom, finds you attractive at! LOL! How in the fucking hell, do you think women, got so insecure and dissatisfied with out bodies in the first place? In one scene the cheating husband, comes home, and after fucking his whore all business trip, sees that love looks well on his now cheating wife, and said, I am so horny, grabbing her from behind, and telling her that he has a boob job surgery scheduled for her, in the morning! That is the straw that broke the camel's back . . . she tells him to fuck off, which I loved, she looked great, and got even better looking as she ditched all the men, and just became successful, without one, attracting more, now that she didn't care! LOL, my style!
Dream on men . . . I have a better body image, 100 pounds overweight, obviously, not caring what any of you think, or I would play your fucked up, Dom/Sub, ugly shit! But, I haven't seen a man worth it! LOL . . . Frank said . . . I have never been treated by a woman, like I have been by you! Amp up your game dude, you are dealing with an attorney, not some bar fly and mall rat! LOL! Men, like this, just don't know how to play the game with me! Because, this dumb blonde is smarter than they are . . . they will want me long after, I leave them. I had one of these fuckers, tell me, that if I were 30 or 40 lbs. thinner, he would be chasing me around the bedroom. I left him and found, several guys who were smart enough, to get the spiritual connection, and chased me around the bedroom, just the way, I was, and had the greatest sex of their lives! I dig smart men, black, white, of all shapes, sizes, heights and weights! I don't want, soulless sex, and I am, very discriminating on that one . . . better be a connection, and love, or nothing dude!
I thought, I was literally going to barf! She is to wear what he tells her to wear, she can't do anything he doesn't tell her she can do, like eat, or go to the bathroom, etc. And she inquires what would happen to her, if she were to disobey him? He would put his disobedient, Sub, on a pet leash and lead her up and down the neighborhood, letting the people all know, he had a disobedient, Sub! And, I guess that is suppose to turn her on? He brags of liberating very feminist women, bank presidents, doctors, lawyers, who want to be dominated by him. He is a self proclaimed, Alpha man, and it is only those Beta males, like her husband, who want to control her through cruelty; he is of a much higher order, and, it is through submitting, that the woman, then becomes, most actualized and free? So, the two play this sick game all weekend, and have tons of sex, and now, this very changed, liberated Sub, and her handsome Dom, part ways, her no longer needing his services, nor can he do anything further for him . . . gag me with a spoon!
At one point before the sex, the truth of the real man comes out . . . he is insecure as hell, and this is the only way, he can feel superior, and his game to get the sex he needs the pantiles women, and not be rejected! The Sub, asks him, why he got into this type of relationship with women, and he, very revealingly said . . . because I was sick and tired of trying to do this and that to them, and having them, move my hands, or push me away! Really? So, we are going to play games, with you acting like you are my guru? Uh, NO! But, I can very much see, Shelley, Rachel and Kay, prostrating themselves at the feet of these allegedly, cooler than cool males, letting them tie you to a pole, leaving you for days, just throwing you a grapefruit or two, until you get to the weight your Dom, finds you attractive at! LOL! How in the fucking hell, do you think women, got so insecure and dissatisfied with out bodies in the first place? In one scene the cheating husband, comes home, and after fucking his whore all business trip, sees that love looks well on his now cheating wife, and said, I am so horny, grabbing her from behind, and telling her that he has a boob job surgery scheduled for her, in the morning! That is the straw that broke the camel's back . . . she tells him to fuck off, which I loved, she looked great, and got even better looking as she ditched all the men, and just became successful, without one, attracting more, now that she didn't care! LOL, my style!
Dream on men . . . I have a better body image, 100 pounds overweight, obviously, not caring what any of you think, or I would play your fucked up, Dom/Sub, ugly shit! But, I haven't seen a man worth it! LOL . . . Frank said . . . I have never been treated by a woman, like I have been by you! Amp up your game dude, you are dealing with an attorney, not some bar fly and mall rat! LOL! Men, like this, just don't know how to play the game with me! Because, this dumb blonde is smarter than they are . . . they will want me long after, I leave them. I had one of these fuckers, tell me, that if I were 30 or 40 lbs. thinner, he would be chasing me around the bedroom. I left him and found, several guys who were smart enough, to get the spiritual connection, and chased me around the bedroom, just the way, I was, and had the greatest sex of their lives! I dig smart men, black, white, of all shapes, sizes, heights and weights! I don't want, soulless sex, and I am, very discriminating on that one . . . better be a connection, and love, or nothing dude!
Good Female Info on Sex
- once you discover that you are sexual, beautiful, at any size, shape and color, and start exploring your sexuality, you will discover, also that you have, at the higher levels of this game, between men and women, a moral, ethical, and social responsibility, not to hurt another person, with this power, love, passion, play, experimentation, and even playful games.
- remember, while liberated, from those old, long prescribed, social roles for women, that bind us, and liberate men, keeping us, locked and tied, letting them win a game, where we can rule every time . . . remember that men need sex more than women, they get built up with testosterone, until it is ready to drip out of their eyes . . . I heard one guy say, when you are starving, do you think someone is going to turn down a ham sandwich, waiting for steak? LOL!
- men are more predatory, females can, due to this lack of total physical control of the penis, that is why there are so many rapes and assaults, they are driven to satisfy, that urge, right or wrong, and so they will get it where they can, and if they can't get it, they will murder, to get it and take and feed when they will! Women, on the other hand, can afford to wait, pick the better men, those good for nesting, babies, protection, and have their pick of men, they find worthy of them. Most men, keep those urges under control, normal, divert energy through sports, work, golf, etc.
- there are Alpha females . . . they can be particularly choosy, because, they can get any guy or most, whenever, whenever and however, and reject many advances by men, until they find one worthy of letting them, enter you, but only after they have proven, worthy, this woman, doesn't need to lower standards or rush anything, and she doesn't give a rat's ass, if they leave, because, there will be 10 guys to replace them. She refrains from sex, not because he has to, but, because, she is waiting, watching, rejecting, and going for the cream of the crop, not just the crop! LOL!
- sex should be on your terms, never with any one you don't want to be with, including a husband! Because it may just be a physical release for him, doesn't mean it will be for you . . . women are like cats, much harder to please and figure out, or get close to, men, are like dogs, some would say in heat, but, they are just happy to get a stroke on the head, and a rub on their stomachs for the most part! I hate to make them that simple, but, simple beings they are . . . not much complication, driven by nature!
- and remember, you don't need a man, and you can be happy without one, sometimes, happier, or you could be miserable with one, or the best of both worlds, if you find a great, connected man, with a spiritual connections, and you have two bodies with one soul, that is best, shared, trusting, faithful, and loving. When, this woman in the move, finally realizes she really doesn't like her husband, thinks this separation in making him a better father, because he has to deal with the kids on weekends, and his old wife, is replaced by a happier more confident woman, he comes back, wishing he had worked harder. He stated a sad truth, that, I would like to promise that I could become the man you needed, before I cheated on you . . . but you wanted the man, I should have been, who never cheated on you.
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