How Beautiful It Is That Someone Can Make Your Heart Beat So Fast, When You Don't Want It To Beat At All!
What a fun morning . . . but for this blog to make sense and to be taken in its context, I have to briefly go back to a conversation last night, when one of my friends, showed up, who had been in the Butte Rescue Mission with me, when the mutual lust between James Kennedy, and I was flowing freely, and without, worry or incident--the second time, after he was shot in the foot, was a different story, altogether. But, the first thing that Sandra, a Native American, asked me, was, after expressing relief that I was still alive, and rightly so, was, after hearing that I had been down in Durango and Grand Junction, Colorado, was . . . were you with James? And she got a big smile on her face. I said, no, I haven't seen him, I got poisoned the morning I was going to surprise him in Durango, and had to take a detour to Kalispell, Montana, to die where someone could identify my body, seeing I have no I.D., and haven't had any for the last year, and with the likelihood of getting the full shah-bang again, seemingly unlikely, or impossible, which ever way, you want to factor, being a thorn in the government's side, and the government running all the places I need to go to get I.D., like vital statistics, driver's license divisions, and Social Security Offices, being sure that death was near, being too sick to leave the Super 8 Motel in Kalispell, and tripping over to the ZipTrip to get a Diet Coke, even addiction, was not going to get this girl off the bed and walking anywhere! It took me about three weeks to fully recover, but I pushed it a bit, taking about two weeks to trip-it to Durango, not knowing if James ever came at all, seeing I failed to tell him I was coming, in fact, I told him I was, in fact, not coming, due to a job in Bozeman, Montana, or the application of a job . . . again, government shit, getting in the way!
Remember the TV Series, 24? Kieffer Sutherland? This Morning, Thinking about James, I Got a Swimming Exercise Aid, With "Kieffer" on It!
I do, however, get symbols and signs that he is around me, a ghost, vampire, waiting to suck my blood, or a spook, waiting to take me out--always got to worry about those Honey Traps . . . James could be any one of the above, none of the above, or all of the above? The story and mystery, still shrouds, the boy . . . but, I told Sandra, that I see empty shoes pointing to the mountains . . . he is a mountain man, biker dude; stacks of rocks, like someone scouting a trail, and giving me directions as to where to find him, or a blue tarp, and camp, directly across from the library balcony, knowing full well, I would do my blog at the library, and in Durango, likely pick the coolest place to write, overlooking the Amimus River, Durango to Silverton Railroad tracks with trains going by at various times of day, bikers, walkers and joggers . . . and directly across the short distance to the mountains, a possible tramp-camp, with the blue tarp, marking a possible Sasquatch or Big Foot Sighting? Then I told her, how, while I was in Durango, I became re-acquainted with the music of Grand Funk Railroad, and how, I had mentioned a song, Bad Time to Fall in Love and how, Mark Farner, sort of reminded me of James . . . but James has a full head of wild hair, so wild, that he has to tie his wild locks down, either in a tail in back or using a bandana, to keep the curls from taking over his whole face! LOL!
Finger Shaped Hearts--Love is Love!
I reminded her of Nick, the Italian brat, that was always getting in between me and James, and interfering at the very moment, where we might have some intimacy, or making heart shapes out of his fingers, as James and I, eat, and Nick sat across from us, a table or two away, smiling, like a goof, but making gestures with his hand for what he saw going on between the two of us. One, time in Durango, I mentioned, that after being poisoned and thinking I was going to die, not just once, but at least twice, and James getting shot, that at least my immortality, or teenager invincibility had been challenged, as I am sure, as James struggled with ice, crutches, a awkward, black boot on his foot, he too, had realized that life can be short, and it is so much better, sending it with someone else. But, after reminding her of the hearts made with fingers, sitting on a Kansas farm with James, watching a sunset over the endless fields of corn or wheat, I was going to watch the Grand Funk video of Bad Time . . . to get a little James time . . . but he better watch out, or I will fall in love with Mark! LOL! I don't necessarily need the man to be in love, just an object of my imagination is fine, most of the time! LOL!
Much Longer . . . Swapping Mark for James! LOL!
That might have been the fear, that James, might have had, as he, read my blog, and looked at whom I thought, reminded me of him, because the next morning, I got on and there was a replacement video, starting with the viewpoint of a porch or something, and seeing a sunset, through the fingers that were shaped in a heart! I told Sandra, that video, reminded me of James, and perhaps, he had it made? Strangely enough, after not seeing it for at least a month, and after telling her about it, with possible surveillance, just now, that video, popped up, again today! For obvious reasons, talking to her, reminded me of Butte and James, which led me to Grand Funk, to Bad Time to Be In Love . . . but, again, Mark Farner's 50+ videos, had been replaced by the video with the heart and sunset? Angel is James' nick name . . . I will think about him, and I swear, the next person I see, has angel wing tattoos!
Farner . . . Lead Singer, Mr. Energy . . . So, Like James, Not Wearing a Wedding Ring! Move Over James! Hot Younger Too! LOL!
Once in Durango, last, I had just written a blog on being the avenging angel, after seeing the t-shirt that Mark Farner, was wearing in the original version of Bad Time . . . now, he is wearing a blue shirt, different concert, same song, but at that time, Farner had a white shirt on with an angel, with a automatic rifle. That night, our staff at the shelter, gave us all a change to pull some type of cards, that have challenges, or little life thoughts, on them . . . I pulled one with a guy and girl angel, buy had brown hair, James' length, girl angel had blonde hair, my length, and the two angels were holding hands! LOL! Whatever . . . cruel joke if I don't ever get to see him again? Everywhere I look, there is something that reminds me of you . . . words to a song . . . he probably hasn't given me another thought after telling him I wasn't coming to Durango, or he is doing my sister, pretending it is me, or claiming she is me, taking one for the boyz club, if he is a cop . . . never know! LOL! I could love him, but could he love me . . . or does he need a Company chick? LOL! Either way . . . men are like trolley cars, one coming by every 10 minutes . . . I just did a typo . . . once! I reminder of age, of the quote I put in the title? Once good enough to be good looking, as I was, and still am cute, at least, and after 55 need a stash of cash! Out of luck on that one . . . Don't steal . . . the government hates competition! Saw that on bumper sticker, back in the asset forfeiture days in Utah, and again at the Poverello Homeless Shelter on a t-shirt, reminding me of, perhaps, better days?
These are the good old days! Just to prove, that while James might be with one of my doubles or sisters, I did take his breath away, make his heart beat, when he didn't want it to . . . one night, we were either waiting for dinner, or something, and it was cold outside, as was generally the case, James would look through the door before coming in, and see where I was sitting, and beeline it over to where I was and join me. This particular time, I must have been paying attention to someone else and all of the sudden, I heard James, like having a heart attack or something . . . deep breathing . . . is he jacking off? I was almost too embarrassed to look at him, for fear I would embarrass him, or he would embarrass himself. Finally it got so bad, that I decided, maybe I ought to check on him, and look at him, to see what was up, regardless of ego, or whatever else was going on? He quickly got control of his beating heart and breathing, and faked like he was asleep, but the heavy breathing, stopped! LOL! My heart has skipped a few beats too! LOL . . . but time moves on . . . I look at chances, people, matches, relationships, like two ships passing in the night, as you approach, you can either turn and go the same direction, and travel together, jump on the other boat, and completely join forces, power couples, kicking the shit out of the world . . . or you just keep on passing each other!
Liberty Safe, Guns and Ammo . . . Sign on Way to Boner, Oh, Bonner! LOL!
The Beauty of Young Love . . . Saw it on the Bus This Morning!
Originally, I was going to hop on bus #5 and go hiking up Rattlesnake Canyon, before going swimming at the Aquatic Center, but as I left the Poverello, at a ripe time of 6:00 A.M., getting in some outside time, before it gets hot, and as I was walking over to the bus terminal, I took a breather on the St. Patrick's Hospital retaining wall, near the parking lot, just as a white, red and blue, with black letter on hit, city cop, came around the corner . . . remember, me mentioning the other day, that plan A, B, C, and D, had failed last March, and after chasing me all night, the cops, spread rumors around the town, that I had been picked up and booked into jail, so that has been an issue with Garrett, who allegedly heard the chick Lynn, who swears she saw me at the jail . . . never been in a jail, or near one in 3 years in Montana, but that is not for lack of trying, could have been sister, with wig on, trying to trash my character, as always, get rid of me, as the cops' bitch--her that is, making both them and her happier, and free to spend the cash I made, and they stole from me, both her and them, a private payroll of cops, in each town, likely Mormon, or into polygamy! LOL!
So, this cop, rounds the corner, sees me sitting there, on the retaining wall, just minding my own business, and as he spies me, maybe told by staff at Pov, that I had just left, but he hits his brake lights, and slows down to a turtle speed. Here we go again, so Ninja Turtle, Mom, trained, Jo, hits the stairs, crossed the parking lot, and just as I hit the street behind the hospital, my savior, the bus, driven by a guy who has seen me all week, stops and waits for me at the bus shelter . . . saved by the bus, AGAIN! Thanks. I take the route, not the intended route, but hey, by now, I have to be flexible and roll with it! As soon as I hit the main terminal, I jumped on the Bonner bus to get the hell out of town, for just a little while . . . when I had my truck, something like this, given my history, would have driven me three states away, but without my truck or the blown up car, and getting wiser, and more concerned about money, I ditch out around town, and if hideous, I take a Jefferson or Greyhound line out of town . . . or the Salish-Kootenai Transporation, up to Kalispell, Montana!
ONE WIN AWAY, U.S.A.--Bus Newspaper! Yeah, U.S. WON!
Someone besides me, must have been as thrilled as I was, because the newspaper, and all the sections and advertisements were, opened and folded, on the U.S. Woman's Soccer Teams, Win Over Germany . . . Top Seated, going into the World Cup! The two pictures on the cover of the Sports section, were priceless, and made a tear or two come to my cheeks. I thought how far woman's soccer has come, from the days, that I remember, my 4 year old, Nicole, flying around the field like a butterfly, while the rest of the team were following the ball at the other end of the field . . . she seemed to have little interest, and when my husband, the coach of the team, asked who would stay out for the next quarter, all the four year olds' raised their hands! LOL! Nicole, also made it on the girl's soccer team in high school, and so did one of her friends . . . by the time they got home, and I was so happy, they had both talked each other out of the soccer team, and went back to chasing boys, rather than balls, or is that one in the same! LOL! That was kind of the last time, for years that I had any time dealing with girls' soccer. Although, in Ogden, Utah, back in about the mid-70's, to late 70's, one of my friends was playing on a city woman's league, and knowing how competitive I am, she asked me if I wanted to come join one of the, amazingly, 100 woman's soccer teams in the area!
I was shocked at the number of teams, and she told me that one division was for out for blood and the other one was for fun! I asked her which league she was in . . . oh, of course the one for fun! I was going to college at the time, with four kids, big time church jobs, a husband who was never home, due to church callings, city, county, and planning commission meetings, so I declined. And I do believe, that declination, was part of the problem with Nicole, dropping out of the high school girl's soccer team, she had seen her mother, who used to play co-ed volleyball, basketball, and softball, turn her cleats in for a more academic arena of higher education . . . Nicole, who had been in a gifted school, starting in first grade, said, to her teacher, I will be good, because, my Mom is good! The girl is brilliant, and shines with confidence, compassion, and skill. I should have shown my girls and boys, that you can actually do both, academics and sports!
My next exposure to women's soccer, came while I was in law school. Bart Weed, one of my law school, post-divorce, flames, took me on a date, to watch the BYU, female soccer team play . . . holy shit, I thought they were playing in fast motion, like on a film! I could not believe how good they were, how fast they ran, and how competitive, tough, hard-core these chicks were! Amazing. So, when these women, most of the U.S. soccer team, is in their 30's, which totally took me by surprise too, first when reading an article about Hope Solo, and today, about Carli, Ali, and Morgan, the women in the newspaper picture, made me realize that they must have all these qualifying league teams, players, and only the very best are selected to be on the team, and my, my, have times changed, when a woman, was an old maid by the age of 21, and movie stars were sidelined by their 30's, unless they were big time stars, like Marilyn Monroe, or others in that class of stars . . . and these guys are just reaching their prime, physically, and able to endure the grueling workouts, and games, long past, what, I thought, their ages might be . . . but, WHAT AT THRILL . . . KEEP IT UP U.S. WOMEN! WIN THE CUP!
Pure Romance . . . Guy Had A Chicken on His Shirt! Get Over It . . . You Two Make a Beautiful Couple!
Okay, so one of the first stops we made, at the first little town, just outside of Missoula, maybe, that is called, East Missoula, where Liberty Safe, Guns and Ammo can either be found or are made, this very attractive, nicely dressed, twenty-something, professional looking young woman, with her brown hair in a bun, cut dress, wearing a sparkling necklace of a circle of diamonds or some jewel, just seductively, placed, about one fourth an inch, above her neckline . . . no cleavage showing, and she didn't need to flaunt anything with her very nice shape, and showing under the tailored, cream, teal, and black, summer frock, modest length, and she was wearing black slip on shoes, without nylons, those horrible leggings of the past generations. But, as she got on the bus, her necklace shined in the sunlight, and she was just overall a very modest, clean cut, and beautiful young woman, so delightful to see!
At the next stop, an equally, handsome, young man, about her age, got on the bus, cleanly dressed, baseball hat, and a shirt with a chicken shape on his brown t-shirt . . . he had three drink holders, looked like ice tea, and a few other varieties and so he was ready for his day, maybe working at the camping outfitter behind Albertson's and ACE Hardware, near the road that goes across the lighted bridge or up to Rattlesnake Canyon . . . he too was clean, cream colored pants, nicely chiseled face, and as attractive as he was pretty. At first, I noticed him get on, and look at her . . . she turned away, and I wondered, if they had gone to high school together or dated each other, just by the way, they kind of tried not to stare at each other. But, as time went on, my first impression seemed to be wrong, and it appeared more to me, given the fact that I could see his face sideways, and watched him, look at her with a purity, interest, and believe me, checking out that diamond necklace, so purely placed, and sexy innocence, maybe not knowing what that was doing to this young man, who was trying not to look at her, but totally checking out the chick from top to bottom, periodically, as if he couldn't keep his eyes off of her . . . she, seem a bit prudish, and coy, looking straight forward, as if shy, or knowing full well, his eyes were on her, and she was not going to make eye to eye contact with her.
The way the bus is arranged, is that there are about 6 chairs, on each side of the bus as you come in, facing each other . . . then where I was sitting, the double benched chairs, turn forward, so you can see out of the front of the bus. So, these two were sitting, almost directly across from each other, with a space of two, protecting them from facing each other straight on. I was close enough, to see her reactions, and female game playing, acting like she didn't notice him at all, or was in the slightest interested. He was not so good at the games, and he didn't need to worry about her looking at him, that was not happening! LOL! See seemed to fight looking at him, and was all about where ever she was going, to work, most likely, and all about going her way and doing her thing, to be annoyed by this good looking, same aged guy! He was so much more fun to watch than she was, because he could just look, with his adams apple, swallowing, as if he couldn't stand looking at her beauty, but was never going to have the nerve to talk to her. I thought, there is going to have to be a natural disaster, to get these two together, the bus is going to have to hit something, and throw them into each other's arms! LOL!
Doing It Right . . . Part of the Fun, if the Sizing Up, the Anticipation, The Game, The Dance, That Brings Two People Together . . . It Seemed Old-Fashioned!
I love it, I think these are the things that make people mate, get married, get attached, and so much better than just meeting and jumping in bed with each other, and sizing each other after the fact . . . one of the main reasons I didn't go along with all James' shmarmy hit lines! LOL! I didn't want to just fuck this guy, not really marry either, but I guess, just get to know him, learn what he was all about . . . maybe he is too shallow for me, but sex was not on my agenda, definitely on his; however, as time passed, he became more and more like this young man on the bus, and I because more and more like the girl on the bus, just looking across a crowded room at each other, appreciating the face, the body, the interaction, the personality, the voice . . . all part of this thing, we call love. Once the predator was stripped away, was James just the farm boy he claimed to be, and reverted back to a shy kid who rode horses and spent most of his days alone on a farm, in school, or on the football field of some small town U.S.A. high school, in a farming community? Is he chicken, like the one on this guy's shirt? Maybe.
I have learned, in this game we call love, or dating, or marriage, that there is a game you have to play, and you are going to either play it before you get involved, or after, and you are not going to get to skip this phase, or it is not really love, but lust, or infactuation, or some other counterfeit of love, but not love, that is a dance, one partner moving closer, as the other follows, one chases one, and as they turn to leave, the chased, becomes the chaser . . . until they both, decide, that they can't live with or without the person, and it is so miserable, that they have to do something, get together, try, endure the growing pains, go through the blending of two lives into one . . . in other words, it is hard work, but this dance, the time, the effort, the expense, the chasing is all worth it in the end, and you are stronger as a couple for going through it. Many people say, they don't like playing games, and they just want to meet and bingo, they have a great relationship . . . not the fodder for humans, even the animals, rut, mate, show off for each other, in a mating ritual. This couple just look like they go together, like they deserve each other, both responsible, frugal, taking the bus, saving money, commuting, nicely groomed and clothed, clean cut and beautiful, so romantic!
It totally reminded me of romances, like before WWII or some time period like that . . . but maybe that is farming or small town communities, I hope so, just not my experience from, say Parowan, Utah, where the kids treat each other more like animals, in heat . . . the guys take care of the girls, and the girls service the guys, is what they said. And I thought to myself, were these guys raised in the same church as me, and in the same state? I never thought like that, and was shocked to hear that they did; however, they were all a bit older, and all had been married, and in their late 20's, early 30's, and even early 40's . . . but, maybe, they never went through that dance and just looked at mating as a rut, or just whatever? LOL! But this couple was so refreshing and fun to watch, gave me goosebumps just to watch, think, wonder, what might happen in the future, would they get together? Maybe, maybe not, could be with other people, but it was just so refreshing to see them, and I hope the best for both of them, they may inspire, many though this blog . . . I hope so, they inspired me!
Isn't It Wonderful, Beautiful to Find Someone Who Make Your Heart Beat, Even When You Don't Want it to Beat at All!
Let's Celebrate Love, the U.S. Woman's Soccer Team Doing Us Right, The Flags, The Fans, And Get Ready for America's Birthday!
Remember Arlee Celebration, Indian Style . . . Not a Powwow, the Newspaper Said . . . That Means Getting a Party Ready for WAR . . . Been their Done that! LOL!
P.S., My son, Elliot, bass guitarist and vocalist for "The Ditch and the Delta" told me he didn't dare talk to his current girlfriend, for two years! LOL! According to her, she didn't even know he existed! LOL! Gotta love romance . . . right after I got back to the transit bus terminal, the bus in front of me, had a young guy, and it said, on the ad, which I didn't pay attention to . . . Nice to Know! I think, if I remember the story right, Elliot, finally, went on Lauren's facebook account, and contacted her, or started to write her on that, and they finally got together. She might have been friends with his old girlfriend, Rachel, and so he went cautiously, into the night! LOL! He is also going for the smart, cute chicks, Lauren, just entered a master's program, this last semester! Very cute also!
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