Footsteps Side by Side
After swimming, yesterday, at the Aquatic Center, Missoula, Mt., I was walking the river trail back to the Pov, but it was hot, and I was tired, worn out, and kind of hit this sentimental journey, being in the swimming pool, with all the moms, dads, kids, babies, and memories of days gone too fast by, came to mind. They say, that the first 50 years, you are looking forward, but the next 50 years, you look back, so this must be the phenomena I am experiencing. I saw a mother, sitting on the sidelines, looking like a professor, grading and reading papers, or doing some type of work, and remembered the days, sitting at the pool, while my youngsters, frolicked in the water, yelling, look mom, as they jumped off the side of the pool, or put their heads under water, holding their breaths and going from one end of the pool to the other, without breathing. I would often bring the kids to the swimming pool, so they were entertained, while I sat on the side, on a beach chair, reading and translating Chaucer, or Shakespeare for an English class, and have one of the kids, playfully, splash water up on me, getting my hard to get attention, and making the blue ink on the margins of the page, run, when the pool water mixed with my notes, of Old or Middle English into modern, being tested on the precise translation of the text, word for word.
I don't often have a pity party, nor do often go there, and I am generally a very happy person, as long as I am left alone, to write what I want to write, and go where I want to go, and have a little cash to buy a Diet Coke or taco, now and again. I am not very materialistic, therefore, my needs and wants are minimal, and my joy maximum. But, with the blazing sun beating on me, and taking what, was looking like the long way home, or back to my temporary home, I took the time to just sit and ponder my life. And overall, I have few regrets, realizing, that what I did at the time, was most likely what I would do again, given the facts, age, and circumstances of where I was and what I was feeling at the time. But, for just a moment, life, right here, right now, seemed a bit, hazy, and I regretted some things of late, as I saw couples, walking up and down the river trail, hand in hand, and wondered, why I had been so, harsh, have standards, that prohibit me, in many ways to mesh with the times, wondered about James Kennedy, and he tried, so, who was to blame but myself, that I am alone right now. I don't regret fighting to save the Constitution from utter and complete destruction by the Patriot Act, don't regret the cases, the law, law school, and a passion for purity in the law.
For for a moment, as I thought of my kids, and had I prioritized my time, especially in these last 15 years, when they not only had to deal with me going to law school, then working in high powered jobs, colleges, and doing some extra work on the sides, did I cheat them, have the relationship, with them I should have, while close, these last years have been tough, with me being hunted, tracked, chased, and whatnot, I know they worried, and even at times wondered if I was dead. Elliot, the youngest, and probably the most mellow, and the one who looks at the evidence at hand, generally checks to see if I have written a blog for the day, a calmly tells the concerned sibling, that mom posted a blog to day, she is fine! LOL! That's my son. They had to deal with being told that I was dying of a terminal brain disease, then when I didn't die, that somehow morphed into a mental health issue, as presented by those who originally poisoned me and wanted me dead, and were pissed as hell, because they didn't get clear title to my name, and all that professionally goes with it, plus free and clear access to my children, who are coming through all this hell, with flying colors!
Passion, Commitment, Courage, Selfless . . . Words on Rust Flags on River Light Poles! What a Comfort!
While I was sitting, not necessarily beating myself up, because I don't believe in that, but right at that second, of wondering about my relationship, the trials and travails of my line of work, that seems to be high voltage and power packed, I looked up and noticed these strange letters, and figured out that the cut outs in the flags or sides that were sticking out on the side of the lamp posts, were actually words, and each light pole had different words . . . the first one, I could decipher, was passion . . . and just them, some kids, that really looked almost like a mixture of both Elliot and Chris's looks, rode by on his bike. And next to the words, there are footsteps, with flags on both sides of the poles, the footsteps are walking in lock step, side by side. And the thought came to mind, that, they may not have had the one on one, and had to share you with the courts, the state, the colleges you taught at, the clients, and the travel . . . but, they did pick up on the passion of what you were doing and why! That brought me great comfort and peace. Then I walked a bit further, and the next word, was commitment, the font is funky and a bit hard to read at first, but the messages come through loud and clear! I am pretty sure there were five words, but I can't remember one of them, but the other two were, courage and selfless . . .
I thought, of all the possessions I would want to pass on to my children, these things would be the most cherished, valuable, and priceless, and of infinite worth! As my children get older, and mature, I can see these traits, coming out, more and more, as if the full tree and the fruit will appear. The scriptures state that the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree . . . a good tree cannot bring rotten fruit, and a bad tree can't bring good fruit! And it is by their fruits, you shall know them! So, beyond the money, I should have made from my cases, the fame, the glory, and the publicity that was so wrongfully stolen from me . . . what remains, is the most blessed, the prize, and of the most precious of legacies to pass on to my children. The first year, that I was basically running for fear of losing my life, and didn't call my kids or see my grand kids, I remember thinking, if I can leave them a free America, a better world, a nation with rights, liberties, and the freedoms that the Constitution provides, along with the protections . . . then I would gladly, never see them again, than exchange a visit, or a closer relationship, and lose this, for them, and for my posterity, throughout all generations of time! The money comes and goes . . . but, freedom can be lost and it was being taken, give me liberty or give me death! And that is no joke to me!
As my readers know . . . I have struggled daily just to breath air, with my own identity, and there are those who want to punish me so bad, that they would erase me from existence, and go for claiming my children as theirs, and my grandchildren also . . . and that is the most painful. But, as I ponder the ramifications of that, knowing full well, that these people would rather have my children, than their own, they have paid me the highest of compliments as a mother! And so I thank you . . . for they are wonderful, and you, will have 4 forces of nature to deal with, 4X me, if you don't hold to the basic principles of justice, liberty, rights and freedoms, and of that I am sure! I unleash the four forces of nature, the four elements . . . water, wind, fire, and ice! HOME IS WHERE YOU STARTED! I give my kids my blessing, trusting them, as much as any people on earth . . . be force for GOOD! A sweet subject of study, for sure!
Are You A Witch . . . The Magical Powers of the Female, Feared Since the Beginning of Time!
I have been called the psychic researcher, a psychic, and I have studies, psychic phenomena, astroprojection, parapsychology, ghosts, witches, and I love the world of magic, but that paragraph above reminds me of a night, I truly invoked the powers of a witch, or the unseen powers of the underworld, or of mother earth, using symbolic motions of thunder and lightening, on an unsuspecting young man, who was harassing my precious daughter of the same age, being in the same house, dealing with a boyfriend, his two natural born children, one foster son, the subject of my witchcraft, and my four natural born children, and I also had Shelley's son, Isaac, living with us at that time. My ex was building a new home, so I took the kids, while he built the home, we called ourselves the OATS family, and we were quite the sensation up in the Midway, Heber area, of Utah, where we had been hanging out for a few years, but never on a permanent basis. The OATS, name came from a combination of Owens, Anderson, Tanner, and Secrist, or a combined acronym, taking the first letter of each of the last names of the people in this make shift family of ours, and it was fun, interesting and Jerry, the dad of the crew, was actually the fly in the ointment of an overall very congenial group of young adults to parents.
Jason Tanner, was Jerry's foster son, and he was the subject of my spell and casting out, with a total frustration after realizing that Jerry was not going to do anything about Jason's, intimidation of Nicole, with both of them being the same age, but Jason, was built like pure muscle, and had witnessed abuse from his father against his mother, found his father hanging in the garage, on a suicide, and mom in and out of jail . . . but I will say, that Jason turned out to be an amazing young man, with a degree in computer science, a good job and a wonderful little family, last I saw him. So, Jason was getting into Nicole's underwear drawer, standing behind her and making intimidating jesters, and may have even had a crush on her, and was just doing what he had seen his father do to his mother . . . patterns of abuse will recreate themselves in the next generation . . . this is how a man acts toward someone he loves . . .NOT! I was working on the domestic violence, dating violence and sexual assault manual for cops and prosecutors, right at the time this was happening, and so this was not going to happen to MY DAUGHTER!
The Three Witches or Nags in Macbeth, All Rolled Into One!
Nicole had come to me with the problems, like all young girls should when there are issues like this going on within a neighborhood, home, school, work, etc., and don't try to handle this yourselves! Usually the rejection of the love object, or the subject of the attention of the man, or women in the reverse with guys, only adds fuel to the fire and when there is an obsession, reasonable or not, pushing them away, can actually trigger, feelings of abandonment, that may trigger deeply buried emotions connected to a parent, or loved one, and that causes an even more vitriol reaction from the person doing the stalking, abuse, intimidation, and threats of assault and you don't want to go there. I talked to Jerry, who given Jason's past, and maybe the tenable nature of their relationship at the time, and Jerry not wanting to appear to favor my family or whatever, he refused to do anything. And I was not going to let my daughter be intimidated in anyway or feel threatened. So, one cold, windy night, with rain and thunder, the thought came to my mind, to invoke the powers of darkness on this boy, to let him know what he was doing to her.
I believe in energy sources . . . and I didn't want to hurt him, also knew of the background and past he came from, but I was not going to let him get away with this bad behavior. So, with the storm raging outside, and Jason gone, I went up in his room, nobody knew I was there . . . left the lights off, and spun around in circles, casting my arms, as if hurling thunderbolts at him and his room, and walked up and laid my hand, no directly on his stuff, his dresser, his bed, but from about a inch away, ran my hands over, all items in his room, putting a negative energy or spell over all in the room, so safe and secure, and not violated--no more! I wanted him to feel something of his actions. So for about 10 or so minutes, as the thunder flashed and the lightning crashed outside, it did also in this bedroom . . . I thought of the words of the witches in MacBeth, trouble, trouble, boil and bubble . . . or something to that affect. I didn't tell anyone of my actions that night, but the next morning, Jason, just up and moved out without a word! LOL! Awesome!
Jerry seemed very puzzled by Jason's, sudden exit, and asked me what I thought happened. But first, knowing that I had issues with Jason and Nicole, and for sure, Nicole being my prime interest of protecting, Jerry just out of the blue, said, Are you a witch? Then, I fessed up to my activities of the night before, of the symbolic lightening bolts, the thunder, the secret spell, the negative energy field I put on all Jason's stuff . . . I don't think he knew quite what to say! LOL! But it was fun, magical, and powerful! Gotta love it! I come by this witch thing naturally . . . I had two ancestors burned or drowned as witches! And it is of them, that I am most proud! One said, after being accused of being a witch, laughing in the faces of her accusers, Though my life depend on it, I can not tell a lie! Way to go Great-grandma! And I love Halloween!
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