"You are the father I never had." . . . "You are the son, I never wanted!"
GREAT MOMENTS IN UNOFFICIAL MENTORING
ETHAN'S ROOM, COLORADO SPRINGS
Back in 2009, Tim Burke opened this skate shop in the basement of his ad agency. the skate park across the street provided plenty of exposure to customers, and owner Burke saw many of them--as young as eight years old--droppped off in the morning with no money for lunch, spending all day hanging around until getting picked up after five. Burke began to look out for them, splinting broken bones, bandaging wounded knees, and offering adive on teachers, bullies, and parents. (Only, he is quick to point out, when asked.) To teach them lessons about responsibility, he offered fifty cents for every two hundred cigarette butts brought in from the littered park, and anyone who could memorize the Declaration of Independence received store credit. The kids began hanging out at the shop just to hand out--"I was a parent, but I wasn't their parent," Burke says of the relationships--and Ethan's Room became an informal one-man mentoring center.
When a new skate shop opened its doors last year, many of his customers switched allegiances and Ethan's Room closed in February. Burk says he probably should have closed it a couple years ago, but he'd kept it open for the kids. Burk is now a mentor without a home, and he still keeps in touch with a network of dozens of skaters. "I created friendship with a lot of kids that's permanent," he says. "It's not going away."
How to Build a Man
This particular mentoring story touched my heart in more than one way: (1) because my boys were both skateboarders, and (2) when the mentor mentioned splintering the boys broken bones, and bandaging wounded knees . . . it reminded me of my two skaters, and their injuries, that they never let, either me or their father know about, that came back to haunt one of them years later, when on a family reunion, initiating new spouses and a girlfriend into the Secrist family, by making them hike down and out of the North Rim of the Grand Canyon, where 15 years earlier, while daughter, Greta was working the Rim, me, my boyfriend, and about 7 kids, hiked in and out, with me, in good shape then, being willing to pay, a million dollars, to be life flighted out, that hot day, starting about noon, in the July sun, with the teenagers, beating me and boyfriend out of the steep canyon walls by about 6 hours, and drinking the little bit of water we had stashed along the trail!
But, the first I heard of my son, Elliot's, injured or earlier broken pelvis bone, was on that trip, when he was in his late 20's, when he was limping out of the canyon, and happened to mention his injury from skateboarding, years earlier. Chris also, has a deformed elbow, from neglecting to tell either parent, both with insurance from work, about the injury, nor seeking medical attention! So, even my son's who I hope did not feel abandoned at the skate parks, that just came into existence, late in their skating careers, might have had need of a mentor, that they could tell or have band-aid their bruised bones, and injured pelvis! Maybe that is what made them both the amazing men they are today? But, that story and all the featured articles and men, who took the time out of their earning potential to put kids, boys first, either by teaching them to fix an automobile, or taking care of skating injuries, and just being their friends and giving them advice, is so appreciated and needed in this busy and hectic world!
My Mentoring Experience . . . Well, Cross Between Mentoring and Fostering!
Last night, when I got back to the Poverello Hotel Hanoi Hilton . . . which some would call a resort, rather than a homeless shelter, a friend of mine, who is black, military, always employed, but cheap as hell, however, an all around good guy, other than he thought, since he saw me last that I was incarcerated in a Missoula jail, lol, wishful thinking . . . no, I took off to Kalispell, then Butte, been to Vegas, Utah, Durango, Denver, Grand Junction, Kalispell again, and back here, and that was just the ego of the cops that chased me for about 12 hours, with plan A, B, C, and D, all failing; therefore, to save face, after I took them on, about getting militarized vehicles to take on the extremist, Rainbow kids, who are passing through town right as I am writing this, many stopping at the Pov for lunch, or to bum cigarettes or gas money, and wrote several blogs about the two New Years Eve, shootings, must have either paid someone from the Pov to spread rumors, or dropped charges, to tell the groupies at the Pov, that I was in the county jail, when I was, the following day, buying copies of the annual Christmas book, written and complied by the Kalispell cops and Flathead County Sheriffs, about their funniest calls, called, Law and Disorder, the best of the Daily Roundup in the Flathead County, very funny, and both me and my daughter, being one of my four children I purchased the funny book, for Christmas, believe these stories to be more like, police harassment by cell phone! LOL!
But, after I straightened him out on that issue, and started to tell him, about the amazing articles, the mentoring, the marriage--he has never been married--he stopped me again, just to piss me off, and that is not hard these days! LOL! It was fucking 101 degrees in Missoula yesterday! But he said, what are you talking about men mentoring, when you, yourself have never mentored! And you don't know what you are talking about . . . really, I took in a girl for 2 years, and a boy for 18 months, and I proceeded to tell him about Darlene and Alan.
Darlene
Darlene happened to live just a few houses down the street from me when my kids were little. I didn't know here, really don't know if I had ever seen her, or at least didn't know here name, but she just knocked on my door, and asked if she could move in with me . . . why? She proceeded to tell me that she had been adopted as a baby by a couple, then that couple got divorced, and she went with one of them, who then remarried, and later divorced with her going with the parent, who had never been involved in the adoption from the get go, and now she was living with two people, who essentially didn't want her. I could see the problem and told her all I had, was an empty extra kitchen upstairs, and sure she could move in.
Darlene was a senior by this time, and so she was very self-sufficient, and she also had a job, met a nice boyfriend, Aaron, whom was a very nice guy and good looking too. The first year, I didn't expect anything of Darlene, and I made her choir dress for concerts, went to her graduation, but basically, just stayed out of her way, because she was a great gal, and no problem. She eventually, after the second year, moved out, got an apartment, and I hope married Aaron, whom she was still with at the time. Some of these kids, need little more than peace of mind and a safe place to lay their heads. The second year, when Darlene had graduated, I had gone back to college, and I had her, in exchange for rent, watch my two boys, maybe a few hours a week while I ran up to classes . . . it was a mutually beneficial relationship, and little trouble. Hi, Darlene if you read my blog!
Alan
Alan Rowley, was about 17 years old, when I was asked by sister, Rachel, whom had just gotten remarried, to a man, who lived at the other end of the state from St. George, Utah, up in Cove, Utah, and who was ordered by the court, to keep her two oldest kids, in St. George, until school was out, with about 6 months of the school years left, if I would come in and take over, taking care of her two children, Alan, a friend of Matthew Hickey's, Shelley, and her crew. Nice . . . okay, and so it went. Rachel and Chris had lost total control of their house, while going through their divorce, and Shelley had always been an errant parent, therefore, aside from getting into the practice of law, after dealing with a terminal brain disease/government poisoning, I jumped right in, in my style of firm but fair treatment of both kids, clients, and others in the house, just as I had done with my own kids, who were now all self-sufficient adults, thank heavens. But there were about 5 teenage boys, who had taken over the house, eating Rachel and Chris out of house and home, and were so big, all except, Alan, over 6'4" and big and bulky boys. Within about two days, I took control of the house--helps to be a bad ass attorney, after setting down rules, moving the boys out of the guest house, that my father compared to the murder scene in the Nelson shootings up in Cedar City, where Rachel had been working as a P.I., on the case with David Doddridge, who had visions of getting three rather large breasted women, to be his, private eye, Charlie's Angels incarnate! Talk about the Two and a Half Men, mentality! LOL! Thanks Esquire! LOL!
Alan, who had been adopted by a couple in the neighborhood, from his parents, in California, who had been in and out of jail, on drugs and involved in other socially unacceptable behavior, lost Alan to the state. But, Alan was a smart mouthed, young punk, and was hard to handle for this Mormon family, with three very dull and slow, unpopular sons of their own. But, Alan had taken care of his father, and he was street smart, as well as being a smart alick and knew who had the power in the house and kissed up to me immediately. My own nieces and nephews, were pissed off, but Alan was the kid who fixed my computer when it was down, moved stuff around, cleaned the yard and the garage, and muscled things around when I needed help, and I generally paid him; therefore, he was more than willing to help me, unlike his spoiled friends, and my relatives, sisters' kids. He soon became my right hand man . . . and what a blessing. Every morning, I would try to get the two boys up to go to high school, with both of them being seniors. That was hard, seeing that Rachel seemed to have little use for education, and bought any story the kids wanted to bull shit her with, to stay home from school. Alan, generally would get up and go, but under complete duress. Finally, Matt was so far behind, having both daddy locally to back up his bull shit, and mommy coming down all the time to bring, younger sibs, to visit friend in St. George, he totally quit normal high school and wanted to do packets. Alan wanted to go to the alternative high school, just like Matt . . . again, I could get Alan up and to school, but Matt who took until he was well over 21 to graduate, balked and stayed in bed.
Eventually, Alan started to see the benefits of education, saw me kick the shit out of Chris, Rachel's ex and his attorney, whom Alan knew, being raised in the same neighborhood with these men, and saw me beat them in court, time and time again, and kicking them off the property, and feeling like I was going through, Rachel's divorce for her, while she was up in Cove, fucking her new husband, and neither parent, gave me a dime, nor Shelley for taking care of about 10 people and running a solo law practice, too, and having clients in 5 states. But, Alan, was my man, he would do what I told him to do, and eventually, we got him through high school, and I have never seen a more happy boy . . . he told me it was going to take him another year to graduate, I think because Matt was a lazy ass and would not get up for school, and was going to have to repeat a year or do packets. I held my "L" fingers up on my forehead for "loser" and said, you have to be retarded not to graduate, so get it done! And within two weeks he had completed all the assignments and requirements for graduation. Now, attending his graduation was better than going to my own kids, because, they were expected to graduate, and had parents with a master's degree and law degree, and I never let them miss school, and once, my kids told me there was a snow day . . . nice, story, now get out the door and get to school! It was a snow day . . . lol! But that was it, two graduated early, I only attended one graduation, and that bored me to tears, too long, with over 2,000 kids in one class, in Orem, Utah!
Alan's was different . . . at first he didn't want to get a robe and hat, it looked stupid. I insisted he walk through graduation, something I never made my own kids do, and came close to not walking through my own . . . not one for pomp and ceremony, much. But, Alan, had achieved something, I don't think many people gave him a chance in hell of doing and he was doing it before, Matt, coming from an educated set of parents, albeit, not too concerned about education, from what I could see, and that became a point of contention, and a sore issue for Matt, whom had nobody but himself to blame, with the same person, yelling at him and Alan each morning to get up and get ready for school! Alan got the robes and hat, and there were about 250 graduates of this Southwest Alternative High School, and Alan, was one of the most proud graduates! His adopted parents came and we met for the first time . . . they were grateful, because they could not handle him . . . I am no, nonsense parent and mentor, and don't mince words, when I told him he had to be retarded not to graduate from high school, he got the message . . . I balled like a baby, as I did, when I taught, in an alternative high school setting myself, having kids who told me, that all they learned in the quarter was to go to school! But when I thought about it, and the principle of the high school told me, that the only class these kids went to, was mine, I was flattered! They called me, Mom, and I was a wreck when they all graduated too . . . some lived without any parents, some with a sister, others in an abandoned school bus . . . tough, tough homes, and I was honored to be called their mother!
I helped Alan get his driver's license, two years late, because nobody took the time to help him jump through the steps, or take him to the place to take the driving part. I made him get a job to pay for the cost of everything, which he did, and eventually he bought his own truck. At one point, after school was out, and that was my obligation to my sister, I came home from court, and found, that Alan's stuff had been moved out to the curb to the street, with some horrible statement on a banner, and I was furious . . . again, jealousy . . . Matt said, that he should be my favorite, or Ty, because they were related. I am not like that . . . Christ said, whom are my mother and father, sister and brother, those who do the will of my Father in Heaven who sent me! I favored the kid, who was smart enough to do what I told him to do, and take care of business. Not only had my niece and nephew, but their fucking father, who did nothing with the kids, only encouraged them to be shit heads, had come over and helped but Alan's stuff out in the street, and then paid to have MY locks changed! Within about an hour, I had kicked my niece and nephew out of the house, and told Alan to move his stuff back in the house!
You can be damned sure that added to the situation, I find myself in with Rachel, Shelley, Sue and the rest of the Southwick vampires, teaming up against me . . . they play the game different than I do! Alan was on his own, later, when all the forces of darkness colluded against me, and illegally, unlawfully, and unconstitutionally, up and stole everything I had in my house, paid for in cash, with the exception of the art that I was purchasing one piece at at time, with about 200 photo art on my walls!
The Worth of a Sout is Great in the Sight of the Lord . . . Charity Covers a Shit Load of Sins! LOL! It was MY pleasure to be Exposed to these Two Fine Kids . . . You Will Get as Much as You Give! Change Two Lives . . . Yours and Theirs!
MENTOR . . . JUMP IN WHERE THERE IS A NEED!
Thanks, Esquire Magazine, Helping to Make Man at His Best!
EVERYTHING YOU KNOW ABOUT SHOOTERS IS WRONG!
I thought it highly appropriate, to put, both the mentoring, along with the making of a man, and also this article on, mass shootings, in the same issue. Because, we are all, in come way, connected, responsible, needed, and can prevent mass shootings. Sure there are FBI Threat Assessment teams, but when all is said and done, they have to rely on you and me to bring the behavior and actions, that give us an indicator that something is going wrong in this person's life, and needs to be considered, and also we may get them the help, they need, either through professional, school, church, or whatever, threat assessment, and the treatment or attention they need. One thing was need all be aware of is, The Path to Violence . . . here is a list, that I thought was very important for people to know about, and assess the actions of someone on this path, that came be predictable!
- what brought the person to your attention?
- does the person harbor a grievance or carry a grudge?
- have there been attempts to resolve the grievance?
- What are the person's successes?
- is there anything for the person to hang on to?
- has the person communicated an intent to attack?
- has the person written anything, anywhere, about his or her intentions and ideas?
- has anyone been alerted?
- has anyone been "warned away"--say, form attending school on a certain day?
- has the person shown an interest in other attacks or other attackers?
- in assassins?
- in mass murders?
- in terror or terrorism?
- in weapons?
- has the person developed a plan?
- has the person acquired weapons?
- has the person surveilled an area of attack?
- has the person rehearsed the attack?
- is the person capable of an attack?
- is the person organized?
- does the person have access to a weapon?
- is the person trying to gain access to a weapon?
- is the person depressed? hopeless? desperate? suicidal?
- has the person experienced a recent setback or failure?
- does the person see violence as an acceptable way to solve problems?
- is what the person says about himself or herself consistent with his or her actions?
- are other people concerned about the person's potential for violence?
- where is the person on the pathway to violence?
I think this is plenty to leave you with to think about. The FBI, local and state cops, can't be everywhere, so it behooves all of us, to do our part, and to error on the side of safety, and report any strange behavior. These are the red flag signs that there may be something amiss in this person's life, that just might lead them to do an act of terror, mass murder, or whatever, that leaves the whole nation or world mourning and searching for answers. While there are always these people who we can't read, or we can't do thought policing to, there are, however, signs, benchmark patterns, that lead a person, down this pathway to violence, that can be stopped, and the person can be helped, problems solved, their thoughts and ideations stopped, and we can prevent some catastrophe from happening!
As I read the article in Esquire all of these boys, mainly, didn't feel part of high school, college, or didn't get validated, in someway. Many of them started to separate from society, their friends, and didn't have a clear perspective, even when people did love them, and needed someone other than themselves to talk to, to point out, things they perhaps are missing, and make them feel cared for, give them attention, and make them feel part of something. But, they each, started to tell themselves they were special to make up for not feeling special . . . and their thoughts started to go to thinking they were better than other people, and convincing themselves that this act of violence, was their duty to do or participate in. We need to be the eyes and ears of the cops, the units, the schools, our friends and family members, who might be starting on a pathway that they will regret forever!
The article interspersed, a guy named Trunk a name he got in prison, for being stopped by a cop, who searched the stolen vehicle he and his other special friend took, noticed their long black coats, and a truck full of guns . . . he was stopped, charged with several crimes, but also, stopped in that progression along the pathway to violence, and he was grateful that he was stopped . . . and said, after getting caught, and coming out of his trance or coma, stupor of thought, about killing people, he said, You gave me my life back. We can literally, give someone their lives back, even if for a while, they, having gone far enough down the pathway to violence, has to temporarily be locked up to keep the rest of society safe. That is much better than the alternative. We don't want them to go so far on the continuum, that they reach a point of no return!
We Can Make the World a Better Place . . . We Need to Watch, Listen, and Report Strange Behavior!
P.S. I am going to write about the Otter Creek Mine, and the Tongue River Railroad issue, here locally, tomorrow, but I promise, I will give you my mind on the new marriage! The Groom to Win . . . Catwomen and Batman! My fourth husband, a worthy opponent, in this new marriage with both partners being power people, making up power couples, is way more fun, more interesting, and much more entertaining, and the author of the article, was right, but you have to survive the modern marriage! LOL! I was hoping that James Kennedy would be a viable partner, in this psychological battle of the sexes of equal footing and education, or the power couple . . . but, he may be stuck at the Two and a Half Men stage, LOL! Or he is playing it smart, with a female, who draws the ire and attention of assassins, murderers, and those who would punish her, through the slaying of her lovers!
Meow, Scratch, Kiss, Hiss . . . My 4th Husband, Replaced Our Wedding Certificate With the Cat Woman Symbol! LOL! When I Said, Well, You are Batman aka Interpol . . . He Picked Up the New Wedding License and Threw It Against the Wall and It Broke! The Marriage Tanked TOO! LOL! Everything it Symbolic! Mark My Word! Meow . . . Ha!
NSA turned off spell check, so bear with my terrible spelling!
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