Plato's Republic--If Parents Don't Teach Their Children the Law, Society Will
Twenty, some odd years ago, I had a great two volume set of books, called Great Western Thinkers, the books had all the great philosophers, or excerpts from these thinkers best works, or articles . . . and this one line, probably stood out, as one of the more powerful lessons to me, both as a parent and as an attorney. Originally, today, I set out to write about the festivities of the day, yesterday, being the 4th of July, but as I walked down Glenwood Drive or Street, here in Kalispell, Montana, to McDonald's on Idaho St., I walked passed a car with a license plate, that said, momsize, followed by the next car, that had the sticker, that read, mean people make little mean people . . . and being totally flexible on writing whatever happens to creep into this malleable and impressionable mind, I instantaneously, transitioned my thoughts to the role of a parent, and how critical, that role is to society as a whole, and how, very vested we should be in not only preparing our young people for parenthood, but for teaching and training our youth, the importance of good choices, in spouses, they say, 90% of your success in life, will depend on who you marry, then making those decisions that will be best for your children, and their children's children . . . making up the conglomerate and commensurate collective of society, that all has to bump up against each other every day, get along at work, school and play, in this diverse experiment, of America, and its melting pot . . .
Children Who Abuse Animals, Tend to Grow Up to be Abusers
One of the best ways to detect, a child, that might grow up to be an abuser of any sort, in domestic violence, child abuse, or have power and control issues, which is the foundation for anything from dating violence to human trafficking of both commercial sex and labor, is how they treat animals when they are young. The kids who buried a cat, then ran over it with a lawn mower . . . actual case I read about; the kid who puts their gerbil, in the microwave and turns it on to see what the heat will do to the pet, indicates, potential and future abusive behavior. And most likely, that child, witnesses, mom or dad, kicking he cat, or beating a dog . . . there are exceptions, however, but the general rule is that mean people make little mean people!
There is a country western song, that I think is titled, I'll Be Watching You, or something like that. The basic story line in the song, that is a wonderful lesson to parents, of just how close children watch and imitate their parents. The dad, most likely the singer in this case, just came out of McDonald's, and the child in the back seat, spills his drink or someone on himself, and swears. The dad asks him where did you learn to swear like that . . . he said, from you. I'm your little buckaroo, and I want to be just like you! Quickly, dad gets his son's message, that he is watching everything the father is doing, and doing just what he sees his dad do! You might say, children are the great imitators . . . and they say, that flattery is the highest form of compliment, unless, that behavior is not good!
There is another country song, that says, walk a little straighter daddy, I am following you, the father is drunk, and the kid is worried about his father, but also is smart enough to realize, that he will most likely follow in his father's footsteps, and when he is old enough to drink, may do just what good ole dad did, and he really doesn't like the example, so he is pleading with his father to give him a better example, and symbolically, walk a little taller, straighter, and bet a better role model for this impressionable mind. Believe me, now that my children are older, I realize, how very strong that example is, down to wanting your cooking recipes, and going to law school, or being politically involved, or playing the guitar--bass guitarist for God's Revolver, Elliot Taylor Secrist, saw his father, Richard Clifton Secrist, take out his guitar, every night of his young life, and play the guitar; I saw my father, Richard Southwick, reading the scriptures, under a single lamp, long after I was suppose to be in bed, and would creep to the top of the stairs, and see a common figure, reading.
I Will Be Good, Because My Mom Is Good
My second daughter, Nicole, surprised me one day, as a kindergartner, and told me she had been accepted into the newly created, gifted program, that they were just starting up, and so was her friend, Jeris, who lived across the street, and often hung out, at our house, actually, was at our house, more than at her own, with her mother working, and often with her step-father, watching her and her little sister. Now, to get in this program, you had to score at least two levels higher, on national standard exams, in all areas of testing . . . I had no idea, she was even being tested, and didn't know anything about the new gifted program. I was a busy mother of 4, going to school myself, to finish my college degree, and helping with church and neighborhood duties, so little time, to worry much, about anything but the basics of child care, housewife, getting where I needed to be, and keeping everything together the best I could.
So, Nicole, must have been approached on her own, to see if she wanted to participate in the program, and said yes, before I even knew that was being offered. Even as a little girl, she exemplified great confidence and security, and just told them, she wanted to go, never needed permission, just said, yes. Now, don't get me wrong, I did everything I could to facilitate my children's mental growth . . . field trips to special libraries set up to provide games, tools, and exercises, for the mind, funded, I would guess from federal grants, in pilot projects around the country. Library story time was a weekly event, and as I took children's literature classes at the college, I would not only read the assigned books to my children, but would ask them their opinions, as I would have to critique the writer's offerings for children.
The following school year, I visited Nicole's gifted class, and actually, one of my mother's relatives, Ms. Reese, was Nicole's teacher, and on this particular visit, her teacher told me that Nicole, was an excellent student, and she said, determined and proud, I will be good because my mom is good, referring to my academics, grades, and interest in school. I thought, how does a first grader pick that up? I never worried much about my kids grades, I was not going to be that kind of mother that pushed her kids to get good grades . . . I knew they were all smart, and if they wanted to work hard for grades, that was up to them. My parents gave a dollar per A, but I was not a great student in high school, very average, but by the time, I got to college, I knew I rocked it!
Each semester, while my kids were little, and I was going to college, to get a degree, I would get my report card with straight A's and place it up on the bookshelf in the front room, on the lower level, so my kids could see what my grades were . . . in fact, after attending parent teacher conferences, and hearing raving reviews of my kids, national scores on standardized tests, I stopped looking at their report cards all together, they had the brains, and it was their jurisdiction, or power to get whatever grades, that needed to feel good about themselves, success, or do whatever, that was up to them . . . I was not their prison guard! Nicole obviously looked at my grades, and very determined, still is, confident and determined, stated, that she will be good, because her mother was good . . . and proud to say, she is a political animal to this day too!
Plus, she home schools, her children, and is always doing brainiac type activities with Yuri and Grace . . . who will be brilliant, like their mother and father!
Decker Lake Youth Detention, Salt Lake City, Utah
Sorry for always using Utah as an example, that is where all my experience came from. But as an assistant attorney general, and very involved in domestic violence and dating violence issues, speaking to up to 1300 youth at a McKay Dee, Youth Day, in Ogden, or visiting with kids, detained at the Decker Lake Juvenile Detention Center, in west Salt Lake, I learned that we live in a tougher world to raise children . . . as I asked the kids what they were in jail for, like a joy riding, or stealing their parent's cars and taking them for a joy ride, which I did on numerous occasions, as did my father, who told us stories of the local cops chasing him in Cedar City, but all in good fun, and then the cops, telling him to get that car home to his parents . . . I followed those examples too, and so did Nicole and two friends who took our car for a joy ride, and ran the car straight through the garage brick wall, instead of stopping in the garage!
Just like my dad's dad, didn't get mad at him, nor did my dad and mom get mad at me, when Jan Davis and I took her car, thought we saw her parents pull in the driveway at her house, ditched into my parents driveway, and ran a fence post straight thought the headlights of the station wagon, and it seems out the back end, but I don't recall either parents getting too upset, or maybe I blocked it from my mind! But, when Nicole, was sobbing, about the joy ride crash through the garage, all I could do was hug her, tell her that I did something similar, and realize, that she probably had that in her DNA! Usually, the consequences of a child's actions will do a lot to teach them . . . her friends who came from very strict, Mormon families, and this very busy law student, with little time to supervise, when the three girls were to be in school, when the ride took place, were not allowed to hang out with wild Nicole Secrist, any more, even though, they were the ones who encouraged Nicole to take the stick shift driven car in the first place!
And, I might add, Nicole has turned out better than all her so called, Mormon friends, and she is very active and has a ton of great friends in the Washington, D.C. area, married in the temple, and those friends, all both got pregnant in high school, or dropped out . . . so all is well, that ends well! But, when talking to the youth at the Decker Lake Detention Center, I had extra special, connection with them realizing, that had I been born in today's world, I would have been considered a juvenile delinquent, rather than just the fastest girl in town! LOL! Parents have a hell of a lot tougher job today raising children, God Bless Them!
We Have A Juvenile System to Protect Kids From Their Own Stupidity
We as parents, cops, attorneys, judges, need to cut these kids some slack, and realize, that many kids, are just going through normal childhood, growing pains, learning lessons, experiencing the consequences, and growing, hopefully in a system, that is kind, forgiving, and doesn't label youth people as criminals, with tainted records, that will follow them throughout their lives . . . parents, need to be the first line of defense, then the schools, it is amazing the powerful influence a great teacher can have on kids, my own mother taught junior high, screammmmmmm, I refused to less that college, due to discipline challenges, only taught high school for a year, and then college, because I had to repay back a Utah Teaching Scholarship, that was a condition, but teachers are amazing examples, of love, caring, helping and advancing juveniles, and stopping crimes, drugs, pregnancies, and what not, that can hurt impressionable minds . . . my mother taught the most challenging years in a kid's life, because, she felt that if you can get them before they drop out of school, they will go on and finish high school!
But, the system can't be so brutal, so as to hamper, hurt, taint, tarnish young lives . . . the Utah Attorney General, Mark Shurtleff, once stated, that there were so many laws on the books in Utah, that every man, woman and child had committed two felonies before noon! I have literally, seen the legislature, pass 186 bills, or vote of them, while drinking punch and eating cookies, hitting buzzers of yea or nay, without notice . . . screeeeaaammmmm! We need to ease kids into adulthood, not bludgeon them to death and give them no way to achieve. This is my favorite statement about a friend, a parent, or a system . . .
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